10 years ago, my grandmother died of illness, and after my uncle came back to mourn, he took my grandfather away and wanted to send him to the end of his life.
When he picked up his grandfather, his uncle told my father that as the eldest son, he was obligated to provide for his parents, plus he had good economic conditions and could afford it, so my father did not need to care about his grandfather's affairs, and lived his life well, so that his grandfather did not have to worry about him, even if it was filial piety.
Although uncle made it clear that he did not need our family to bear the responsibility of grandpa's pension, but over the years, my father would give grandpa alimony every year, about 10,000 or so, 3 years ago, grandpa was sick and hospitalized, my mother quit her job, helped take care of it for a month, and when I encountered longer holidays such as National Day and Spring Festival, I would visit grandpa.
My mother also told me some truths: "Although your uncle has good conditions and takes the initiative to wrap up, but that is our obligation, not that he wrapped up we don't have to bear, just ignore your grandfather, doesn't this make your grandfather and uncle and aunt chill?" Your aunt has a good temper, filial piety, and no opinion, but if it is someone else, you may feel that the little uncle is selfish, and the husband does not consider the small family. ”
Huang Zongxi said: "Between flesh and bones, one more point of thickness will leave one more point of family affection, and there is no need to be too clear about right and wrong." ”
Between brothers and sisters, it is natural to help each other, but they need to be measured. As a brother and sister, or when you have good economic conditions, help those with poor economic conditions or younger siblings, you must remember that it is better to teach people to fish than to teach people to fish, don't spoil them, don't let them treat you as a wronged boss, at the same time, you must remember that the more you give, the less likely it is to maintain the flesh and blood love between you.
As a younger brother and sister, as the party who receives help, we must be grateful and understand that it is the duty of others to help you, and it is the duty not to help you, rather than talking about family affection at every turn and gnawing on relatives as a matter of course.
In fact, whether brothers and sisters can get along harmoniously and whether they can watch over each other for a lifetime is directly related to their parents.
If parents know how to educate their children, teach their children brothers and brothers to be respectful, respect each other, and at the same time a bowl of water is flat, children are often more able to achieve brotherhood between them, on the contrary, if you are uneven in a bowl of water, leading to uneven things will lead to resentment, and it is more difficult to retain the friendship between flesh and bones.
In the TV series "The World of Man", Zhou Bingkun has a sentence that pokes at the hearts of many children who are not welcomed by their parents: "They are all raised by a father and a mother, and I am not out of the air, do you know how uncomfortable I am?" My greatest wish in life is to satisfy my parents. ”
Like Zhou Bingkun, Zhang Ziyan's father is also the most unsuccessful child in the family, and at the same time, he also assumes most of the responsibility of supporting his parents, only because he has a good temper and cannot say no to his parents and brothers.
However, Zhang Ziyan's grandparents enjoyed the care of the second son while calling the second daughter-in-law, while eccentricizing the other two sons, which made Zhang Ziyan feel extremely cold, and she was also very dissatisfied with her father, who was weak and incompetent, so tired of his wife and children.
01. In my memory, I am extremely strange to my grandparents, and I am familiar with my grandparents;
When it comes to grandparents, Zhang Ziyan does not have much deep feelings for them, and even has a bad impression, only because the grandparents are not friendly to their mother and daughter.
"To say that they prefer sons to daughters, it is not like, they are very good to my lobby sister, but they just don't like me." When I grew up, I understood that my grandparents didn't just dislike me, not even my dad, but also our family, because my dad was their most unproductive child. ”
Zhang Ziyan's grandparents have three sons, Zhang Ziyan's father ranks second, the eldest gets the love of Zhang Ziyan's great-grandfather, the third gets the love of Zhang Ziyan's grandparents, and Zhang Ziyan's father in the middle is ignored.
Zhang Ziyan's uncle was admitted to college, married a city girl as a wife, and settled down in the provincial city. Although Zhang Ziyan's third uncle did not go to college, he did business with the support of his parents, made a lot of money, and his economic strength was also very good. Only Zhang Ziyan's father, who graduated from junior high school, went out to work, married his own co-workers, and the couple were ordinary workers.
When Zhang Ziyan was born, the third aunt was also pregnant, the grandfather brought the grandson to the uncle's house, and the grandmother served the three aunts at the third uncle's house, and did not care about the newborn granddaughter.
"Listening to my mother, my grandparents knew that they had added a granddaughter, so they said oh, didn't say anything else, and didn't come to see me." My mother was confinement, my grandmother waited, my mother went to work, my grandmother brought me up with my cousin. In my memory, I am extremely unfamiliar with my grandparents, and the familiar is my grandparents. I don't see my grandparents once a year, it should be once every two or three years, and my dad will take us to their place for the New Year. ”
02. My mother is weak in nature, and she has become the basis for my father to independently assume the responsibility of filial piety to his parents and his uncles to shirk their responsibilities;
To tell the truth, Zhang Ziyan did not look forward to seeing her grandparents, not only because her grandparents did not like her, but also because every time she saw her grandparents, it was when her mother was wronged.
"What does it mean that we're going to go to the New Year?" Unless I can hear my grandparents count down my dad's indisputable voice all day long, except to see my mom become their free nanny, to be called in the New Year, more tired than work, what else? ”
Originally, Zhang Ziyan felt that this was also very good, as long as they did not live together, their grandparents did not care, did not help them, and it did not matter, but what Zhang Ziyan did not expect was that the uncle and the third uncle were actually brazen to this point.
"Grandparents helped them bring their children for more than ten years, last July, Grandpa passed away Grandma is now 80 years old, in poor health, need people to serve, they sent grandma back under the banner of wanting to fall leaves and return to the roots, nostalgic for the homeland, asked my parents to take care of her." My mom didn't know until my grandmother knocked on my door and moved in. ”
For the dissatisfaction of his wife and daughter, although Zhang Ziyan's father saw it, he did not dare to say a word to his mother and brother, or let his grandmother move in and live in their master bedroom, and he and his wife moved to the second bedroom.
After Zhang Ziyan's grandmother moved to her second son's house, she did not say that she helped with housework, and even needed her daughter-in-law to do her own things, for example, asking her daughter-in-law to prepare three meals a day according to her taste and medical advice, and using Zhang Ziyan's mother as a free nanny.
03. As a daughter, I should indeed honor you, but no one can bully my mother;
"Let my mother endure and fulfill filial piety?" Sorry, Dad, even if my mother can endure, I can't stand it, I have to do my filial piety, and I can't tolerate anyone to bully my mother. My mother has worked hard for most of her life, and there is no reason to continue to give her a reason to look down on her, never help her, and always bully her mother-in-law as a cow and a horse. Now, either 3 families support Grandma, or Mom follows me, you serve me, which one do you choose? ”
Some time ago, back at home, hearing her grandmother scolding her mother for a dish that did not meet her taste, Zhang Ziyan was very angry, and she heard her father talking to her mother about filial piety.
Listening to his daughter's words, the father was very angry, scolded the daughter for not filial piety, disrespect for the elders, and raised his hand, wanting to beat the daughter, the mother saw it, quickly protected in front of Zhang Ziyan, and was back by Zhang Ziyan.
"Do you want to know clearly that when you are old, you have to rely on me for the elderly, do you want to fulfill your so-called filial piety, let your brother take advantage of everything, and become a lonely person yourself, or do you want me and my mother to have a happy old age?"
"If you dare to move a single hair of my daughter, I will go with my daughter and never see you again."
Hearing the words of his wife and daughter, Zhang Ziyan's father put down his hand and continued to persuade his daughter fruitlessly, so he had to agree to Zhang Ziyan, showed his attitude, and called out to his brother and brother: "In the future, the 3 families will take turns to serve my mother, don't expect me to bear everything." You either pay together and send your mom to a nursing home, or you let your mom take turns living. ”
After Dad announced the decision, Mom smiled, but Grandma cried. What was she crying? After my father said this, my uncle and third uncle were anxious, one said that he was too busy, no time, a little tight on hand, could not come up with money, one said that the daughter-in-law had a bad temper, did not do it, left my grandmother and left. I think she's chilled! ”
Zhang Ziyan refused to give up, called uncle and uncle three, said that he wanted to sue them, and in the end, uncle and uncle three scolded Zhang Ziyan while having to agree to the plan to send grandma to a nursing home.
04. Women who rely on their grown-up children to protect themselves so that they can not be bullied are really infuriating.
Charlotte Brontë wrote in Jane Eyre: "To love yourself, do not waste your whole body's love, soul and strength as a gift generously, where it is not needed and despised."
Women who rely on their grown-up children to protect themselves from being bullied are really infuriating. What should you do if your children are not filial and do not understand you? You are not having a good time, can you teach your children what happiness is?
In fact, we must also stand up for ourselves, and we must also dare to say words of rejection and dare to defend our own interests, rather than letting people kick their noses in the face.
Whether it is your in-laws or your husband, the courage to make unreasonable demands with you and kick your nose in the face is all given by yourself.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Zhang Ziyan's requirements are excessive? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.