I had to go home on the weekend and go to the nursing home to see my grandfather.
In the 1950s, grandpa went to Xinjiang, practiced medicine all his life, saved countless people, received awards in the Great Hall of the People, and won the title of National Model of National Unity for many times.
Started five years ago, Alzheimer's disease.
Grandparents have four children and Dad is the eldest. Two aunts are in Xinjiang, and uncles are far away in Beijing. The four brothers and sisters have a good working life and are filial piety.
In the first few years of Grandpa's confusion, Grandma was always around to take care of it. Grandpa always slept during the day and messed around at night, changed six or seven nannies, and in the end no one could insist on waiting.
Because the children are busy at work and cannot wait day and night, Grandma is also an old man in her 80s, and the energy to take care of Grandpa is not as good as before, so the two live together in a nursing home.
It's not that children are not filial piety, it's just that reality is helpless.
Dad and two aunts would visit their grandparents at the nursing home every day at noon and at night, and my uncle in Beijing would come back in time.
My granddaughter always finds a weekend every month to return to her home five hundred kilometers away to see two elderly people.
This is a public nursing home, with a total of eight floors and more than a hundred elderly people.
The second floor is a non-self-care area, where Grandpa and two other old men live in the same room. The healthy grandmother and a 98-year-old lady live in the semi-self-care area on the sixth floor.
Every time I approached the second floor, a pungent stench came over me. People have a special smell on their bodies when they are old, and in addition to this inherent smell, this floor is more full of feces and urine.
You will have the feeling of suffocation in an instant, as if you are about to be spewed out by a breath ten miles away.
The elderly who have lost their ability to take care of themselves are tied to wheelchairs, and they are arranged by nurses to do what should be done at different times.
I got up at eight, ate at nine, and at ten was pushed to the paperback table to watch a random TV series. Older people in better condition can also throw balls at each other with their caregivers, or high-five at no pace at all according to instructions.
And the reason why those who can't take care of themselves are tied up is because they are afraid that they will fall down when they move randomly, but there are always old people who fall to the ground with wheelchairs, and heavy wheelchairs cannot get up on the thin body.
Grandpa's housemates were tied to the bed all year round and had no children to visit. Always watching him with his eyes closed, his bound hands waving vigorously in the air, his mouth shouting something with teeth and claws.
At this time, I was always full of fear and guessed that the god of death had come to him, and he must be struggling to escape from the hands of the god of death.
My grandfather was sometimes sober and sometimes confused. The first thing I ask every time I see him is "Who am I?" "Whenever he clearly calls out my name, it makes me very happy, but sometimes he will look at it and look at it, and finally shake his head and say "I don't know", which makes me very disappointed.
Sometimes he would happily say, You're a pretty.
Grandpa liked to do two things when he was sober.
One is singing, all kinds of revolutionary songs come with their mouths open, and without singing two sentences, they start to string together freestyle's own mess.
There is also literacy, you point to the slogan posted in the nursing home, he will solemnly read it out, showing his identity as a cultural person.
Once I pushed him to the big mirror in the hall, pointed to him in the mirror and asked, "Who is that person?" Grandpa looked at it and said, "It's my dad." At this time, Grandpa made my nose sour.
The next day I pushed him again to ask the same question, and he thought about it and said, "The guy inside seems to be me."
Although "seems" to be used hesitantly, it also makes me feel quite relieved. In the early days of my grandfather's confusion, he could repeatedly tell me about his experience of studying medicine when he was young, and tell me the story of his rescue of Uyghur patients.
He always told a story repeatedly, and I always pretended to be asking for the first time with general curiosity. Sometimes even some impatient thoughts, have listened to it no less than a hundred times, when is it a head.
With the atrophy of his brain, today's grandfather can no longer tell his stories coherently. But at this time, how I wished that my grandfather could still tell me with great energy about his style when he received the award in the Great Hall of the People when he was young.
However, this is obviously a luxury.
I was caught by an old grandmother in the nursing home, always with a hairy white hair and her head tied to a wheelchair.
The nurses called her "Empress Dowager." The children of the "Empress Dowager" only come to the nursing home once a year, and after paying the fee, they no longer appear.
Without the love of her children, the "empress dowager" became grumpy and always lost her temper with the nurses, which naturally offended many nurses.
Once an old man shared a cake on his birthday, and there was an extra piece left, and a nurse said, "Give it to the empress dowager, let her eat more, she won't live for a few days anyway." ”
Hearing this, I glared at the nurse fiercely, if the work of caring for the elderly does not have a love, what qualifications are there to do it.
The 98-year-old grandmother in the same room as her grandmother wrapped her small feet, deaf and deaf, her back was straight, but the three-inch golden lotus was walking fast.
Every time I see me, I will greet me warmly, stuff me with candy to eat, and always say apologetically, "Unfortunately, it is not at my house, otherwise I can cook for you to eat, don't make my girlfriend hungry." ”
But I went ten times, even the next day, and Grandma had to introduce "This is my granddaughter" again, and the foot-binding grandmother greeted me like the first time she saw me, saying, "Oh, this is your granddaughter, okay."
The 98-year-old must have a memory eraser in his mind.
Once I went to see my grandmother on the sixth floor, and several times I saw an old lady standing outside the elevator on crutches for about ten minutes, and I couldn't help but ask her, Grandma, where are you going.
The old lady said, "I'm going to the third floor for dinner, but the elevator hasn't come." I said, the elevator has come several times, why don't you go up? She said, I didn't come, I waited for a long time and didn't come.
It turned out that the old lady thought that the elevator screen could only show "3" to go to the third floor where she was going, but she was obviously standing outside the elevator on the sixth floor, and the elevator would always show "6".
At this time, I had mixed feelings in my heart, and hurriedly helped the old man into the elevator to take her to the third floor. If no one helped, she would probably have been waiting at the elevator entrance for the number to become "3", and she would never be able to eat on the third floor.
My favorite is to push Grandpa in the yard on a sunny day, surrounded by old people, they will enthusiastically call Grandpa "Dr. Ding, Dr. Ding". Grandpa also waved at them with concern.
Someone teased Grandpa and said, Dr. Ding, you show me the disease, and Grandpa will set up a posture to give people a pulse.
At this time, the grandfather of Alzheimer's disease returned to his former style, as long as it was a man to see a doctor, he said "you are ah, the kidney is not very good", if it is a female nurse, he will tell people "you have gynecological diseases".
Whenever he wants to give me a pulse, I always refuse in my heart, but I am afraid that he will put the unified answer on me, but Grandpa always smiles and says after serious thinking, your body is very good.
When he saw his granddaughter-in-law, he only said that your stomach is not very good, and his granddaughter-in-law said happily, look, our grandfather is definitely a divine doctor, and I really have a little problem with my stomach. At least not to say that we have kidney deficiency. God!
Whenever I watched my grandfather walk around, the grandparents who didn't know me were very envious and said, Dr. Ding, you are so blessed, every day someone comes to see you. Many of the more than a hundred elderly people's children come only once in a few months.
Some of these old people were combat heroes of the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, and some were veteran soldiers of the 359th Brigade, who followed General Wang Zhen to fight for thousands of miles to reclaim the frontier, but how did they spend the rest of their lives alone in this nursing home without the company of their relatives in their later years?
Recently, the nursing home moved in with an old friend of a grandfather, a 90-year-old mr. Liu. The old man participated in the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, but now he lives on the first floor.
On the first floor are the elderly who have lost almost all consciousness and are seriously ill. Dad came to see Grandpa every day, and he also stopped by to see Grandpa Liu, although he couldn't recognize who Dad was.
One day, Dad helped Grandpa to see his old buddy, And Grandpa called out his name as soon as he took a bite, and the old man opened his eyes hard and looked at Grandpa in confusion.
Grandpa went back to his room and began to wipe his tears, and Dad said, What tears do you shed? Grandpa replied, "This old Liu Tou is not a good person, when I asked him to transfer you to the health center of the prison, he agreed but he never did it, and now he doesn't know anything." ”
This man is old, and it is true that he cannot remember the things in front of him, and he cannot forget the things of the past.
Dad sees Grandpa every day and loves to tease him, every time he is anxious Grandpa will scold a dirty word, causing us to laugh haha, Grandpa also laughs, at this time Grandpa, is full of vitality.
Although Grandpa is old and confused, he still can't lose the doctor's cleanliness, and what he must do every day is shave. After eating the fruit, I would take a tissue and keep wiping my hands, and I would point to my face and say, wipe me, wipe.
When Dad lifted Grandpa out of his wheelchair to help him sort out his clothes, he would tell him, "You hold me tight, don't fall."
At this time you will see a funny scene, Grandpa trembling and hugging Dad's thick waist, like holding a big tree, you use your hand to pick his fingers, but you can't open it.
At this time, Grandpa must be full of security.
On the day of chongyang festival, I asked my father that someone should go to the old people to perform a show today.
Dad said that wave after wave of the show, several times a day, your grandfather is tired of watching it or not let you watch.
This is also the criticism of our society. Form always outweighs substance. While volunteering is a good thing, why do you have to get together at the holiday season?
"Three five- to learn Lei Feng, an old man has to be washed back and forth by several groups of people to wash their feet, comb their hair and cut their nails, this Chongyang Festival literary and artistic performance can also make the old man unable to see.
It is better to make overall arrangements for nursing homes and give these loving people a shift, and it will not toss the elderly. Respecting the elderly is not a matter of one day or two days.
Nursing homes are also a small society! Grandma, who is in her 80s, sighed. Grandma had always been a shrewd person. Although at this age, I am still very clear about human feelings.
We would go to see them every day with snacks and fruits, and Grandma always generously gave most of them to the caregivers.
I said Grandma, you are really generous, this piece of mooncake more than twenty pieces, I will give you ten you send out eight.
Grandma said that we couldn't eat much when we were older, but if we gave them less to look at.
It turned out that there were still people in the nurses who often asked the old people for something, and if the old man offended her, she could privately trip up.
Some unconscious old people can only eat dumb losses, not to mention that the children of so many people rarely appear, and naturally they cannot be found.
There was such a nurse who always said to Grandma, take your old man away, he is going to exhaust me on the second floor, I don't want to serve him.
The hot-tempered grandmother can't say anything, after all, she is also an old man in her 80s, if she is hard, she is still afraid that her grandfather will be bullied secretly.
Grandma said that my heart was like a mirror, but I couldn't help it. Listening to this, I felt angry but I really didn't know what to do.
Because you can't get the nurse to be transferred without evidence, if you get her to reason and anger her, and you can't guard the old man 24 hours a day, she always has a chance to retaliate. All I can do is to please.
The nursing home should be a simple environment for the elderly to raise for a long time, but it is more cruel and helpless than the real society.
One afternoon in the late autumn, I went to see Grandpa, and the other old men were napping in the room, and Grandpa was in a wheelchair tied to the eerie railing of the corridor, his eyes sluggish, and the cold wind was gusting. I snorted and hurried to untie the rope that bound him.
It turned out that Grandpa was noisy and noisy without sleeping, disturbing others to rest, which was the nurse's punishment for him. The untied grandpa looked at me dumbfounded and said, "Thank you, thank you." ”
I went to see Grandpa after the surgery, and Grandpa saw the long scar on my neck and wiped his tears and said, You have to take care of yourself. At this time, I thought, Grandpa is not stupid.
Another time I went to feed Grandpa early in the morning, his hands were swollen like bread, I asked the nurse what was going on, she said that she just tied up all night and the blood did not circulate, but Grandpa was tied to sleep every day and never saw his hands swollen so high.
I asked Grandpa if they had hit you, but Grandpa was like a child who had done something wrong, with tears in his eyes, and said to me, "No, no, it's okay, it's okay." ”
I was in tears of pain, and Grandpa handed me a tissue.
Whenever I walk into a nursing home, my heart is extremely heavy. It's a place where you have to come, want to escape in an instant, but want to be with you forever and don't have to leave.
In the elevator of the nursing home, there will always be so many people who do not know how to take the elevator, so they can only sit from the first floor to the eighth floor and then from the eighth floor to the first floor, sitting up and down over and over again but do not know how to be good old people.
No matter how many I meet, I will take them to the floor they want to go to, but I can only do this for one or two days a month.
I always meet grandparents I don't know, and they say, Girl, you tell my son, I miss him, let him take the time to come and see me...
I asked Dad what it was like every time you went to a nursing home, and Dad said, like when you were a kid, you went to kindergarten to pick you up.
This feeling is so real, Dad sees his grandparents every day, he must be happy to see them safe and sound, he must be sad and angry to see them sick and bullied, but he still has to go to work the next day, but he can't take the old man who has no self-care ability home.
What a painful choice for a filial father.
Every now and then, Dad will say, I really don't know what we should do in the future, we will definitely exercise well and try not to cause you trouble, and when we are old, we will move into a nursing home by ourselves.
I think this is also the most serious problem facing us in the 80s. Grandparents have four children who are very filial, but there are so many helplessness and unavoidable.
And we are almost two couples after the 80s are only children, the future is faced with the old and the young, two people raising children but also to support four old people.
Many of my peers around me have children but only care about them, throw their children to the elderly, and go to dashing themselves. I always say let's just say we don't want children.
Why not use the energy of raising children to support our parents. But this is just to say, when our parents are old, what can we do?
Whenever it was time to leave the nursing home after the visiting time, I was filled with deep fear at the thought of Grandpa still having a long night to spend alone.
Even if we have a TV and a mobile phone, we will feel lonely after a long time, but the demented grandfather can only sit in a wheelchair with his eyes half open.
It is said that there is an old man in the family who has a treasure, but how many children still regard the old man as a treasure rather than a burden, and how many children want to fulfill filial piety and have all kinds of helplessness?
I only hope that new pension models such as community home care can be popularized and mature, and people engaged in the pension industry can really have a heart to serve the elderly.
Children who only go to a nursing home once in a few months can take time out to spend with your parents. After all, everyone will experience the day of old age. They are now and we will be in the future.
Once I saw a circle of people in front of me on the road, and when I looked closer, it was a grandfather who fell to the ground, his wife tried to help him next to him but he couldn't help it, the grandfather's forehead was broken and bleeding, and none of the dozen or so onlookers around helped.
I quickly stepped forward to help Grandpa, took out a tissue to wipe off the blood-stained dirt on his head, and helped him sit down on the side of the road.
In fact, at that moment, I also hesitated in my heart, and I was afraid that the things that the old man on the Internet said would happen to me, but at that time I thought of my grandparents.
I only hope that when the elderly need help, we can do our part, and I hope that if my grandparents encounter difficulties, someone can reach out to help them.
Sometimes I jokingly say to Grandma, Grandma, do you feel unfair? Grandpa is senile and demented, and the whole family revolves around him, but you are also more than 80 years old, and everyone ignores you. Is it better to be silly, but there will be more people who care about you.
Grandma said that my granddaughter finally understood me.
There was a special grandfather in the nursing home who would laugh when he saw anyone who heard any sound.
His laughter is so hearty, he sees you, he will look at you giggling, someone is talking outside, he will push his wheelchair out to join in the fun, squeaky laugh.
At this time, I will be envious, and I will also think in my heart, if I am old, let me be as good as he is.
I don't know anything, I don't know anything, just so, so, so, silly, laughing...