When we were young, we looked forward to retirement, longed for a life of freedom, no need to work to earn money, and what we wanted to do, thinking that as long as we retired, the rest of our lives would belong to us.
However, when you retire, you will find that life after retirement is not as good as you think, not so carefree.
Some people continue to work after retirement, only because their children still need their help to reduce their burdens; some people retire, they fall into the dilemma of not bringing grandchildren, how to live in harmony with their children's other half, and they can't handle family relations well; some people after retirement, they can't adapt to the days of only themselves and their wives, feel lonely, and are very eager to have relatives to accompany them, but relatives are busy working their own lives and have no time to accompany them.
García Márquez wrote in One Hundred Years of Solitude: "The secret of a happy old age is nothing else, but a decent agreement with loneliness." ”
After retirement, how to make a good relationship with your children and their other half and live your old age is a science.
Someone who came over told me that after retirement, if you want to be happy in the evening, if you really want to be good for your children, you must take the initiative to give them 3 things.
1, children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, children grow up, need freedom, need to control their own lives;
"What are young people thinking, we parents really can't figure it out, hey, old, old."
After Aunt Feng returned from her son's house for the holiday, she sighed and let go of the dissatisfaction in her heart, not feeling that she was depressed.
The reason why Aunt Feng has always felt that she is depressed is because she feels that she has paid too much for her son's family, doing cattle and horses, not only with children, but also doing housework, but she can't get the approval of her daughter-in-law, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law deteriorates, and the little two families also constantly quarrel, and even almost make a divorce.
The son did not want to divorce, crying and begging Aunt Feng to go back to his hometown, which also hurt Aunt Feng's self-esteem, although she moved away, but her heart has always been very depressed.
It wasn't until she went to her son's house for a few days not long ago that Aunt Feng found that the relationship between the two children had improved a lot.
"Before, when I was at home, I was doing housework with my daughter-in-law, talking, my son was playing games in the house, it didn't matter, my daughter-in-law couldn't argue with me, so she ran to my son for trouble, and the couple quarreled. Now, the two of them are very skilled at matching. My son mops the floor, washes the dishes and brushes the pots, and my daughter-in-law stares at her grandson to write his homework. My daughter-in-law stir-fried vegetables, and my son made clothes and went downstairs to throw garbage. ”
Not only has the son become more diligent and fast, but the daughter-in-law's attitude towards herself has become better, and the tone of her voice is much more sincere.
After listening to Aunt Feng's story, the neighbor told her that her children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and their children and grandchildren have their own way of life and like to live according to their own ideas. Parents take care of everything, seemingly loving their children, but in fact, they impose their own will on their children, so that they are prone to suffocation.
Although Aunt Feng still didn't understand the big truth, she saw that her son was comfortable, and she had nothing to be dissatisfied with.
The famous British psychologist Sylvia believes that all love in this world has the ultimate purpose of aggregation, and only one kind of love has the purpose of separation, that is, the love of parents for their children. The true successful love of parents is to separate the child from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible, and the sooner this separation, the more successful you will be.
Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and you had better not interfere too much. Moreover, as a parent, you will inevitably be partial to your children, adopt a double-standard attitude towards your children and the other half of your children, trigger a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law or a contradiction between your son-in-law, and in the end, this fire will still burn your children's marriage.
2, give your children peace of mind, take care of themselves, let them worry less about you;
My 87-year-old grandfather did a great job of that.
6 years ago, my grandmother died of illness, because my grandfather's three children are in the field to settle down, there is no one in the hometown, the grandfather is also older, therefore, the uncle wants to take the grandfather to him to retire, in his old age, my mother also said, if the grandfather is willing, you can go to my parents to retire, in order to repay the grandfather for taking me for 10 years.
However, Grandpa remembered his homeland and was unwilling to leave, so he wanted to live alone in his hometown.
Fortunately, Grandpa has always paid attention to physical health, knows how to maintain health, self-discipline in life and rest, diet also pays attention to taboos, currently deaf and clear,with a good pair of teeth, a tough body, rarely sick and hospitalized, but also a strong learning ability, like online shopping, every three to five ride a bicycle to get express.
Since he is in good health and has a strong ability to take care of himself, we also feel very relieved.
Unable to stay by the side of their parents to fulfill their filial piety, the children feel deeply guilty, but they have no choice. Therefore, parents give their children peace of mind, take good care of themselves, and take care of their health, which is also a great help to their children.
Moreover, your body is tough, and the slower you age, the more you can trouble yourself later, so that your children can have more time to do their own things, wait until they are free, and then accompany you and do filial piety.
There is no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time, and many times, it is not that the children are not filial piety, but that they are forced by real life.
3, give your children the help they can, help you when they encounter difficulties, they will remember you;
"Call me to help when you need me, and let me go back to my hometown when you don't need me. This time he called me again, I am not going, not angry by this. ”
Hearing my aunt's complaints, my mother had to patiently comfort her.
It turned out that 7 years ago, when the cousin got married, the aunt planned to sell the house in her hometown, buy a big set, three generations in the same house, take the baby to do housework, the cousin and cousin went to work to make money, it was the best, but the cousin did not recognize this plan, did not want to live with the in-laws, the cousin is the same, asked for the world of two people.
After the child was born, the cousin and cousin called the aunt again and asked her to help with the child. The aunt thought that this was good, and three generations could be in the same house, but when the granddaughter could go to school, the little two mouths knocked on the side and let the aunt return to her hometown, which made the aunt angry, and there was a feeling of unloading and killing the donkey.
"Don't live with you, but also for the good of this family, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is far and near, living together is contradictory, for example, you see she likes online shopping, love to sleep and sleep is not pleasing to the eye, she sees you burn a lot of meals at once, eat leftovers for several consecutive meals are not pleasing to the eye, do not quarrel? You quarreled, who did your son help? ”
"There is no obligation between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you did not give birth to her, if there is no longer a love of help, you are not embarrassed to trouble her when you are old." Just think about your son and yourself, and be considerate! ”
In the end, the aunt compromised and packed up her things to take care of her grandson.
Wang Fu said: "Life needs a grateful heart to create, and a grateful heart needs life to nourish." ”
Give your children the help they can, help you when they encounter difficulties, they will remember you, especially the other half of your children, you have no obligation between you, you need to rely on affection to maintain each other's relationship.
Dealing with people requires a sense of proportion, and the same is true with children. After retirement, it is necessary to deal with the relationship with children and win a happy old age for yourself.
END.
Today's topic: Do you have any good advice for the elderly after retirement? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.