1, driving the Toyota Asian Dragon I just bought, go to the father-in-law's house to rub rice. When I arrived, I found that the old man was packing up his things. He said to himself, "It's strange, how about my marriage license."

1, driving the Toyota Asian Dragon I just bought, go to the father-in-law's house to rub rice. When I arrived, I found that the old man was packing up his things. He said to himself, "It's really strange, how come I can't find my marriage certificate?" The mother-in-law looked indifferent, and the old man said again: "If you can't find this thing, how can you get a divorce in the future?" "Then, in the evening, the old man had no food to eat...

2, husband: "On the weekend, I drive you to Xiangshan to play well"? Wife: "You can't add a baby, it's not romantic at all." Husband: "Is it okay for me to take you to Xiangshan with my baby car on the weekend"? Wife: "..."

3, my wife had to play hide-and-seek with me, let me turn around and count to a hundred, I clearly heard the sound of opening the cabinet door behind me. Wait until I count to a hundred, can't wait to open the cabinet door, and shout in my mouth are you stupid? As a result, as soon as the cabinet door was opened, a box of flour on the top of the cabinet was smashed down, I was blinded, my wife took the opportunity to snatch my mobile phone, skillfully opened Taobao to pay the bill...

4, the wife is a foodie, noon dinner said that the stomach is uncomfortable, I said: "Tomorrow go to the physical examination, see what the problem is." Wife: "Don't go." I asked, "Why don't you go, not afraid of death?" Wife: "If you go to the physical examination, you can't eat supper tonight, and you can't eat breakfast tomorrow morning." "I...

5. Passenger: "Beauty, put my luggage up!" Flight attendant: "I'm sorry sir." I can't lift it by myself, is it okay together? Traveler: "Aren't you an angel?" Angels still can't put it on? Flight attendant: "You are God can't put it on, can my angel put it on?" ”

6, mother: son, you must put back to the original place of the things you have used, otherwise you will not find it the next time you use it. Son: Oh, got it! A few days later, son, mother's new toothbrush is missing? Son: This was originally placed on the supermarket shelf, and I put it back on the supermarket shelf when I ran out!

7, my nephew chases a girl! Chased for a long time did not catch up! He was very depressed and said to me, "I like her but she doesn't like me!" Uncle, you said that the two constellations are not compatible! Or are we two incompatible? I said, "You didn't think about it!" Could it be that you two don't look like each other! ”

8, the brother-in-law is a contract foreman, often contract some small projects. That time he went to the client's house to ask for the account, and the maid said, "I'm sorry, my master is not at home!" The brother-in-law was suddenly angry: Not at home? I've come for the third time! Please tell your master that if you don't give him any more money, I'll take his wife away! At this time, an excited voice came from the room: Brother, you have to do what you say! The brother-in-law's face was dazed, and he was too frightened to say a word!

9, when I was a child, I was naughty, and my mother shouted when she was angry: Baby his father, plug the door! Then there was a bang. After the fight, I began to regret it, hugging me and crying: Silly child, why don't you run when I hit you? Uh, where am I going? Well, just be happy...

10, a brother got married, the brother invited me to be the best man, I was very happy to agree. When I arrived at the scene, I asked, buddy, before you showed me the beautiful photo of your daughter-in-law, how is this completely different now? The buddy sighed and said: I really didn't expect that the photos were all repaired, and there was no sense of violation, and I was pit like this. I told my buddies that my aunt introduced me to my girlfriend, but I didn't agree because the photo was too ugly, so I didn't see each other. But later I found out that the person I was going to meet before was a big beautiful woman. Now the intestines are remorseful.

11, there was a sudden heavy rain. The patients in the psychiatric hospital happily picked up towels and soap to take a bath in the rain. A mentally ill man stood in the rain and smirked. When the dean saw it, he asked him: Why don't you go? The mentally ill man smiled triumphantly and said, "I'll wait until the water is hot."

12, noon lunch break time, Xiao Luo came to my office to complain, said that the wife is very good, the weather is cold, two hundred pieces of cotton clothes can not afford to buy!! ...... I didn't say a word, I don't know what he was thinking about? It was to make me borrow his two hundred dollars last week!! ...... I didn't mean to get laipi, these two hundred pieces were the ones he asked me to wash my feet but finally asked me to pay for it!! ......

13, on the weekend, the wife worked overtime, the son watched TV, I used the computer to watch the news, the legal program caught the female drug dealer, the son came over and pointed to the computer screen and asked me: "Dad, how can this aunt on the computer not see clearly?" "I told my son that it was called mosaic, so I couldn't see clearly. At noon, my wife came back, saw that I had not cooked, and yelled at me: "What are you doing at home, why don't you even cook?" The son interjected loudly: "Daddy look at the computer, there is an aunt with mosaics on it" The wife snapped me twice: "Malegobi, the son is still young when he looks at those things!" Now: "Wife, it's not what you think..."

14, yesterday I took my nephew around, and then I said to buy him some toys and let him pick them himself, and he picked a few cute rag dolls. Me: "Boys who buy rag dolls!" Can't you pick something else? Nephew: "I'm going to take kindergarten to my girlfriend as a birthday present." I said, "Then buy one!" Nephew: "But I have 3 girlfriends!" "Me: ???

15, friends told me that his credit card was lost for a long time, and then recently went to the police to retrieve it. I asked him: There is a text message notification on every purchase on the credit card. And why did it take so long to find out? My friend said: The amount of money spent on that card is almost as much as my wife spends every time she steals my credit card, and I don't pay much attention. I asked again: Then why did you find that the card was lost now? He replied silently: I suspect that the wife of the person who stole my card is stealing his bank card.