1, last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a bath, when we slept confused, I suddenly felt that someone locked my neck, and it felt like a hug, and I was struggling to die

1, last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a bath, when we slept confused, suddenly felt that someone locked my neck, it felt like a hug, I struggled to the death, and finally woke my husband up. My husband let go of me and said, he dreamed of fighting with thieves, I was sweating at that time, this year I can sleep and my life is in danger!?

2. When I was in college, there was a big tree outside the window of our dormitory. One morning when they got up, they found a magpie running in the dormitory! Then he said, "The magpies have come to our dormitory, and this is a happy event!" In the afternoon, his girlfriend called him and said, "I'm pregnant." "Now this dude is scratching his head, sighing, smoking...

3. Tell you a story of a god who saves money. A monthly salary of more than 6,000 gods, living in the unit dormitory, dormitory with a water dispenser, a month can drink 16 barrels of water, the unit reimbursement. There are more than 10 cake shops within a kilometer of the unit, and every day after work, in the name of feeding chickens, they take turns to take the cake skin and go back to nibble on their own. I have more than 50,000 left in the next few years. The guy bought the house that day and paid the down payment.

4. My father-in-law was the owner of a renovation company, and after my mother-in-law's death, he became very crazy. He had a personal secretary, a female student who had just graduated from college, and her father-in-law had been flirting with her all day. Later, the two fell in love, and that night, the father-in-law took the hand of the female secretary and walked on the road, and a car came behind and honked its horn. Then, the female secretary suddenly let go of her father-in-law's hand, one to the left, one to the right, and to the side of the road to give way! My father-in-law deeply realized the meaning of the phrase "Husband and wife are originally the same forest bird, and they fly separately in the face of great trouble"!

5, after work at night, I was tortured by tedious work and wanted to throw up. After waiting for a bus for a long time, I sat in an orange seat. At this time, a pregnant woman with a slightly bulging stomach came straight up to me and said, "Didn't you see that I was pregnant?" In an awkward silence, I gave up my seat, and the pregnant woman sat up silently. Suddenly the car stopped, and the driver walked up to the pregnant woman: "Please say thank you, this girl had a bigger belly than you when she sat in my car half a day ago!" ”

6, on the highway, more than 20 kilometers away from the next service area, the girlfriend is noisy to go to the bathroom. I said: There is no ah, the next service area will be a long time, or find you a black plastic bag. Girlfriend: You think I'm a man? How do I use this? Me: Who made you use it that way, you put the plastic bag on your head and go to the emergency lane to solve it!

7. My in-laws said that I wanted my grandchildren, so I sent my 6-year-old son to the countryside for a month. Today I went to pick up my baby son, and I said, "What did you learn by playing at Grandpa's house?" The son said, "I learned two lyrics, and the little boy sang them every day." I said, "You sing one for both of us." The son took a sand sheet from the couch and put it on my head, and then sang: "Lift up your hijab, let me see your face, your face is so bumpy, it's not as good as my pig!" Your face is so bumpy, it's not as good as my pig! ”

8, the brother has recently become addicted to the game, all day wrapped in a mobile phone to play. The results of the first two days of the exam came down, and the whole class counted down to one brother. This can make the mother angry, scolded for a whole day, the father next to him can't see it and can't go on playing the round field: "Well, scold two sentences to get it, and ah hao of the door family also took the second-to-last exam in the whole class!" The mother was even more angry: "Can we compare with others?" The penultimate one of our family is more than a hundred points higher than the penultimate brother of our family! Dad was stunned for a moment, and then silently took out a wooden stick...

9, the mother took her son out to play, saw a stray dog, the mother said: "You see, that puppy has no father and mother, how pitiful?" The son looked at the puppy with pity and nodded. After a while, the son saw a man on the road leading the dog in front, and said to his mother happily: "Mom, you see, the dog has a father!" The dog has a dad! ”

10. Last night, the sister-in-law came to my house for dinner, and when the three people at the dinner table were chatting vigorously, the daughter-in-law suddenly said to the sister-in-law: You are not too old, and if you don't look for an object, you won't be able to find it later. The sister-in-law muttered: As soon as I say this, I will be angry. I asked my sister-in-law: What's wrong? The sister-in-law said: Do you know, I confessed to my favorite male colleague half a year ago, but he did not reject me, nor did he say accept me, he said that he liked fat girls more.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #