When the Spring Festival arrives, the friends who go home will face the inquiries of relatives and friends:
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"When will you get married?"
"Where do you work?" How much do you earn in January? ”
And so on.
You don't answer, others think you're rude, you answer, and you feel exposed to your privacy.
The Spring Festival marriage has become something that every single young person has to face. In fact, for marriage, the post-90s also have their own ideas.
01
The post-90s are very calm on the surface and anxious inside
In the "2019 Singles Special Research Report" shows (2019 Aurora Big Data conducts data research and analysis for single groups aged 18-34)
25% of single aristocrats said that the pressure to be in love is very high;
24% of single aristocrats said that the pressure to be urged to marry was very high;
21% of single aristocrats said that the pressure to be born is very high;
Obviously, the post-90s generation has become the main force of being urged to marry, and they not only have to face being urged to fall in love and marry, but also face the problem of being urged to have children.
The post-90s generation is very calm on the surface, but in fact, it is very anxious inside.
After the 90s, we may be in the stage of starting a family, and the keywords of "house", "car" and "ticket" are forced into life; or we have just graduated and entered the society, carefully contacting the unknown workplace life.
The post-90s generation can't get out of anxiety, but we didn't say it.
02
"It's not that I don't want to get married, but I don't want to settle down"
I have seen such a question in Zhihu: One day, will you find someone to marry because you are older?
One respondent said this:
I was particularly afraid of a scene where I was doing a job that I didn't like so much, with a meager salary, and I had to go home to face someone I didn't like so much, and none of you wanted to take care of anyone, obviously two people were more lonely than one person.
Unhappy during the day, unhappy at night, what is the meaning of such a life.
It's true that the vast majority of people who don't get married are not wanting to get married, but they haven't met a person who wants them to get married and don't want to casually find someone.
Think about this long life, how painful it is to live with people you don't like.
In the movie "The Leftovers Are King", the heroine's father said something like this:
She shouldn't marry her parents, she shouldn't hear any gossip outside and think about getting married, she should think of marrying someone she likes, and she should be particularly tough and hopeful, as if she had won.
Whether it is a man or a woman, there are only feelings that should be married, there is no age to marry.
In this world, some people are lucky to meet their beloved people in advance, and some people are not coincidental and are still looking. No matter which kind you are, I hope that one day, you can proudly say to others: "This life is ta, marry ta, I don't regret it." ”
03
Face your true self
Single friends should also understand why they are single, and don't always blame others for the reasons.
Many people are single not because they are bad, but because the circle is too small, can't know too many people, or is too entangled in their own standards and unwilling to compromise. When you are willing to face it with a different mindset, you may have different gains.
1) Show charm and take the initiative
Many people feel that love is not deliberately sought, but needs to wait.
But in fact, our waiting has to have a premise, the so-called waiting is not to let you stay where you are, waiting for others to come to you.
Many people rely on fate, in fact, fate is not a one-sided wait, but a common expectation of both sides. You are longing for a love, and at the same time there is a person in another time and space who is as much looking forward to love as you.
So how do you create fate? How to catch fate when encountering fate?
The essence of love is attraction, and if you want to seize the opportunity when you meet fate, you must create and show your own charm. Only by finding a way to let others see you can you have a chance to meet the person who has a fate with you.
In psychology, there is a "primacy effect", that is, the first side will determine a person's impression.
Many lovers have left a good impression on the first side, so they have a later relationship.
So if you want to meet your fate, you must first continue to improve yourself, improve your inner, and when you meet a better person, you can have the opportunity to attract him.
2) Be clear about the object that is truly suitable for you
In the matter of finding a partner, a thousand people have the standard of a thousand people, but the temptation of the world is very great, and many people have been biased by the standards of society.
When it comes to finding a partner to marry, men should find gentle and virtuous, delicate-looking, and women should find someone with a car and a house and ability, as if everyone cares about these external conditions.
Some people even think that I have to talk about a vigorous love to be real love, otherwise two people are not suitable.
However, according to such a standard, two results will occur:
One is that you simply can't find the so-called ideal partner, because the standard is too high, and you don't have the ability and conditions to match it, you will fall into the stage of self-doubt, and you will always feel that something is missing.
The second is that you will reluctantly find someone who meets your criteria and quickly enter the marriage, but the result is not satisfactory, and you are eager to change the other person, become the way you want, and live a screw life from now on.
The result of Ning Que's indiscriminate and perfunctory will not have a good intimate relationship.
The best option is that you have thought about what kind of person you want, and you can accept the other person's shortcomings and strengths.
It is difficult to wait for your ideal partner to take the initiative, grasp the direction, and adjust yourself at any time, so that it is possible to meet your own fate in the next corner.