Everything has an solution
Introduction: "Mother-fetus single", describing those who have never been in love. Many "mother-fetus single" people are ashamed to talk about it, especially people over the age of twenty-five or six, who are not young but have no love experience, which makes them very anxious and even inferior.
In fact, there is never a rule that it is right to say when to start a relationship. It's certainly nice to meet someone you like and experience a sweet relationship, but it's not a sin to never be in love, so there's no need to feel inferior because of this.
As long as you can have the courage and ability to pursue your love when your heart is moved, it is never too late to start, and it is the most suitable time.
But people who have been single for a long time will encounter some difficulties when they first contact girls, some are overwhelmed, do not know how to establish a connection with girls, today's article helps you open your mind.
Netizens asked
Hello Ichisi, I am a person who has passed the age of standing, but I have not had any love experience. My personality is relatively inferior, introverted, and my abilities do not match my age at all.
So far, the most desired is to try the taste of love, but when I meet the girl I like, there is nothing to do, and I only have low self-esteem, anxiety, and complaining about my incompetence.
So from last year to now, I have continuously enrolled in our courses "Three-dimensional Thinking Method" and "Structured Socialization", and I feel that I understand a lot, but there is still no way to establish a preliminary relationship with the other party in the first step.
The other party is the same company, but there is no intersection. In this case, through the company group, find her contact information, send a friend application, indicating the meaning of wanting to meet, but the other party has no response.
What should I do when I am so anxious and there is nothing I can do in my head?
Although it is a very elementary question, I hope that the teacher will give some advice.
Questions and answers
First of all, I want to tell this netizen that there is nothing to be ashamed of in the fact that the mother and fetus are single in their thirties, and there are many people in the same situation as you think than you think, so you are not alone, and you don't need to feel inferior because of this.
Of course, if the mother and fetus have been single for a long time, it will definitely bring some problems, such as being too self-sufficient.
Only in love, people will face a new relationship, a new relationship completely separated from the original family and social relationship, which has a great breaking effect on the self.
When pursuing girls, you first need to break yourself, including your own desires, timidity, cowardice, etc., if you just stay in your own position and state, you can't connect with others, so we often say that good love can make people grow.
And the mother and fetus single people, no love experience, no in-depth experience with girls, thinking about problems often start from themselves, too self, not conducive to establishing contact with girls.
Question: Netizen mother and fetus have been single for more than 30 years, and now they have met someone who is very lucky, and they must seize the opportunity.
The key to a successful connection with girls
There are many ways to connect with girls, and they vary from person to person, the most important thing is to be "reasonable".
Because only if your behavior is reasonable, so that the other party is not bored and rejected, can you have the opportunity to bring the relationship closer.
The way for netizens to know girls is to find the girl's contact information in the company group, and then apply to add friends, but they don't get any response, and after thinking about it, you know that the girl's reaction is particularly normal.
Think about how many friend applications from strangers on WeChat every day, most of them are advertising sales.
In this case, most people's reaction is to see the application, find that the person does not know, and simply ignore it.
There are too many advertisements and scammers, which leads to a very strong sense of vigilance when adding friends, and rarely easily passes the application of strangers.
The way netizens know girls fails because it is not reasonable enough.
For him, he and girls are colleagues, as the saying goes, "near the water building platform first get the month", in the same company, even if there is no intersection at work, there will be many convenient conditions to establish a connection, and the way to add friends directly is too presumptuous.
Specific methods
In behavioral psychology, connecting with others begins with physical space, that is, in a space that can be seen by the other person.
The most important thing is to find a way that makes sense.
During work, the boy ran to the girl's office to find the girl, and then said to the girl: "I want to know you, let's leave a contact information!" ”
Although it fits in the same physical space, it is very unreasonable, it will make people feel uncomfortable, and the result must be bad.
It can create time intersections, such as the time of going to work, leaving work, and eating at noon, and this information is easy to grasp in the same company.
Use the intersection of two people in time to create a story.
The encounter of male and female protagonists in novels and TV series must be accompanied by stories, bumping together, knocking over coffee, heroes saving beauty... In short, there will be all kinds of accidents that will connect two people.
In real life, there is no need to deliberately create accidents, but you can mix "face familiar" first.
In the same company, the commuting and lunch breaks should be the same, there will be many opportunities to meet, and there will be no opportunity to create opportunities and create "chance encounters".
For example, take the same shuttle, use the same elevator when leaving work, wait for a bus at the same bus stop, take a taxi at the same intersection, eat at the same restaurant at noon...
There are many opportunities to create this kind of chance encounter, and one or two encounters may not leave any impression, but what if you meet ten or eight times?
Imagine if you often meet the same person, even if you haven't spoken, you will definitely have an impression of him and may be curious about him.
"He often takes the same bus as me, and he should live close to me."
"I always meet this person when I eat recently, and it seems that he also likes the dishes of this house."
……
When the girl notices you, she can say hello.
Greetings do not necessarily have to be verbal, but can be achieved through expressions, body language, such as smiling, nodding, etc., which is more suitable for unfamiliar people and can release kindness.
After greeting in this way a few times, you can start language communication when you meet again, at this time, two people will not feel too embarrassed to speak, and it will be natural to say something in line with the environment at that time.
For example, if you meet in the elevator after work, you can say: "You also just got off work, I always meet you recently, I am in the XX department, which department are you?" ”
Two people can start a natural conversation and then say to each other: "My name is XX, I don't know what your name is?" Get acquainted. ”
If the girl's response is also good, you can ask for the girl's contact information, or you can communicate a few times before asking for contact information.
Although you can find the contact information of the other party in the company, you take the initiative to ask to express your attitude.
The girl already has a preliminary impression of you, and there is no embarrassment in the process of getting along, and there is no reason to refuse you.
Added contact information, you can chat when you have nothing to do, starting from work, your own work, department, etc., slowly transitioning to talk about life, preferences... The development together is natural.
The two of them talk a lot, and when they chat well, they can make an appointment to go out for dinner and entertainment together.
The whole process is reasonable and does not make the girl feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.
Reduce purposefulness
Get along with girls, don't think about how to pursue her at the beginning, how to let her be your girlfriend, especially boys who lack emotional experience, if you report a strong purpose to contact girls, it will only make yourself more stressed, resulting in no way to get along with girls normally.
Don't overthink it and start with the simplest things.
You can first consider how to know her, through what way is a good state, and then proceed step by step, any behavior must be in line with the state of development of two people, it is reasonable.
Of course, this process must take time and effort.
For example, collect information about girls, commuting time, commuting route, lunch break arrangement, etc., and then carefully prepare for "chance encounters", so that the connection between the two people can be more natural and give each other the opportunity to deepen their understanding.
The understanding of two people is only the beginning, and how to establish empathy, how to make each other like themselves, and how to get along with each other better are all problems that need to be solved.
Come on, take this step bravely, and pursue your own happiness!