The of a thousand miles collapsed in the ant nest.
In many families, there is no clear black and white right and wrong, and the contradiction between right and wrong can be clearly distinguished, and the failure is lost in the accumulation of small problems bit by bit.
Recently, the marriage of Mr. Zhao and Ms. Guo has lit up a red light, and the problems between them must start from Ms. Guo's confinement.
In fact, many things are foreshadowed, whether we can extinguish the fire depends on our attitude to these alarms and how to deal with them.
Ms. Guo lived with her in-laws, and during Ms. Guo's confinement, Ms. Guo's mother also came to accompany Ms. Guo. And Ms. Guo's first unhappiness with her mother-in-law was only because of a bowl of soup.
Ms. Guo felt that the concentration of soup that her mother-in-law boiled for herself was not enough, and the water was more and less material. I mentioned to my mother-in-law that it was best to boil the soup in proportion and boil thicker.
Although the mother-in-law was unhappy, she replied: You mean that I am reluctant to put something for you to eat? Although the mouth is not sparing, the soup in the future is really thicker.
Ms. Guo and Mr. Zhao said this, and wanted Mr. Zhao to help ease the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but Mr. Zhao's reaction was: Don't tell me, don't like to listen.
So in the hearts of this mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, this little thing formed a knot.
There are many contradictions in the month
The above incident was just a small episode, and the real dispute came over a weekend.
The mother-in-law fried a green pepper shredded for Ms. Guo, and Ms. Guo's mother said that it was best not to eat green pepper before the mother had a confinement, so she said to change to another dish. Ms. Guo's mother-in-law also said yes, and then plunged into the kitchen again to get busy.
At this time, Mr. Zhao felt that the other party was deliberately making it difficult for his mother, and if he felt that there was a problem with the dish, he would do it himself, why should he instruct his mother.
Mr. Zhao couldn't help but smash the bowl in public and curse people. And the mother-in-law also showed weakness, directly asking Mr. Zhao who was scolding? And told Ms. Guo that when you are still in the month, he can scold your mother, which shows that he does not care about and respects you.
After that, she had to take her daughter back to her mother's house, at which time Ms. Guo's in-laws also came out to accuse her son and persuade Ms. Guo's mother and daughter, and this storm could be calmed.
For this matter, Mr. Zhao explained: I think that my mother-in-law came to accompany her wife to sit in confinement and point fingers, which is purely to add trouble. The mother-in-law did nothing, just chatted with her own girl, while her mother had to cook more people's meals, which added to the burden.
Ms. Guo's explanation for this is that her mother also had to help when she first came, but Ms. Guo felt that her mother was not familiar with the location of the things in the home, and it was not convenient to appear in other people's homes as a master, so she gave up.
However, this matter has become a thorn in the hearts of Ms. Guo and Mr. Zhao, so they are reluctant to take the initiative to resolve it.
Family gatherings are back in the air
The good times did not last long, and when it came to the New Year, Mr. Zhao gathered up family gatherings according to his usual practice.
Mr. Zhao's family has a large population, parents and siblings together to 15 families, he and Ms. Guo's disagreement is whether to call Mr. Zhao's cousin and cousin family of three to the party.
Mr. Zhao said that according to the practice of previous years, cousins and cousins all went to the family together on the third day of the third year of the first year, and this time they could not say it without inviting others.
Ms. Guo's opinion is that when it is convenient to invite her cousin's family to dinner.
Because the in-laws and the child both had a cold, the child also had a little drip. Years ago and after the year to do health, buy things are their own alone, this party also has to be fully responsible for their own, too tired to be busy.
Unexpectedly, Mr. Zhao smashed the cup again this time, and scolded again, while accusing Ms. Guo of being unhuman and unsuitable. Turning to my mother-in-law again, I said that tomorrow we will go out to dinner.
Turning his head, he turned to Ms. Guo and said that he could get over it, but he couldn't pull it down. Ms. Gu said that Mr. Zhao said this sentence every time he quarreled, which made her particularly sad.
Feeling aggrieved, Ms. Guo packed her bags at four o'clock in the morning the next day, and returned to her mother's house alone at the beginning of the New Year. Ms. Guo lived in her mother's house for half a month, but Mr. Zhao did not make a single phone call. But Ms. Guo, who is worried about her children, still chose to return to her in-laws' house.
Ms. Guo felt that her life was back to square one, helpless and sad.
He was thrown out of the dispute with his father-in-law
In the past few years of living with her in-laws, Ms. Guo has communicated with her husband more than once that her living habits are different from those of the elderly, and in order to reduce friction, she can not move out to live alone.
But every time the answer was negative, Ms. Guo, who had already confessed her fate, realized her "wish" because of the dispute with her father-in-law.
Ms. Guo's father-in-law is retired at home, prefers to watch TV, and the first thing she does every day from waking up in the morning is to turn on the TV, and then turn off the TV at night when she goes to bed.
After Ms. Guo's daughter returned home, in the process of writing her homework, she always ran to the living room to watch TV under the pretext of drinking water, going to the toilet, eating, etc., and never gave up every time she drank water for five or six minutes.
Ms. Guo felt that her daughter was always worried about watching TV, which must have an impact on her learning, and Ms. Guo proposed that if the child was at home, could her father-in-law not watch TV.
Ms. Guo's father-in-law said that the other party had touched his bottom line, saying: Then don't watch it, tomorrow you will smash the TV. What she didn't expect was that Ms. Guo waited for her children to go to school the next day and really lifted the TV and wanted to drop it.
At that time, Ms. Guo's father-in-law called her son and asked them to move out. Mr. Zhao agreed, but at this time Ms. Guo was really reluctant to move out.
She felt that she had taken the initiative to go out and live, and being kicked out was not the same thing. And I have negotiated with my husband so many times, so many years, it is not as effective as my father-in-law's words.
But Ms. Guo thought about it for a moment, this is not the time to gamble, it is better to take this opportunity to move out. But to her surprise, this move family selection only refers to herself and her daughter.
So Ms. Guo and her daughter moved to a rental house, while Mr. Zhao remained at her parents' house.
Mr. Zhao's concept is: "Husband and wife feelings and filial piety are equal, and Ms. Guo did not do it." I have to live with the old man, and if one of my parents leaves in the future, the other person will have no one to serve. And he and Ms. Guo can only live separately. ”
Loving you doesn't mean embracing everything you have
Do not do to others what you do not want. Everyone understands this truth, but very few people can really do it.
Mr. Zhao's request to his wife is that if you love me, you must tolerate my parents and tolerate all of me.
And a good marriage is not blindly requiring the other party to tolerate, but on this basis, they first resolve the contradictions between the two sides and solve the problem.
Foolish filial piety is not real filial piety, but only buries the problem, but leaves a real hidden danger.
Running a good family, the weight and difficulty of it are heavy and high, I think anyone who has experienced it will understand.
Mr. Zhao asked his wife to tolerate his parents, but how could he tolerate his other half's parents?
Seeing things from the other person's point of view is a necessary condition in marriage
There is a saying in the "Chronicle of History": Father is kind and filial to the son, husband believes in wife and wife, and the family is blessed.
If the members of a family look at the problem only from a personal point of view, then the contradictions in the family are bound to be reborn.
Ms. Guo can see from her husband's point of view that her mother came to accompany Yuezi and did nothing, which really increased the burden on her mother-in-law. Don't pick a fault if you don't do it, keep your mouth shut, be more kind in language, and both sides will be better off.
And Mr. Zhao should also look at it from his wife's point of view, even if the mother-in-law does nothing, she can accompany her emotionally and guide women's uneasiness in the confinement, which is not a contribution?
At the same time, Mr. Zhao and his mother-in-law lived together for a month, and they already felt unbearable, so why did they ask his wife to live with his parents for a few years?
The best filial piety is not to be tied together
There are many times when you think it's good, but it's not what the other person needs. It is not the best way to live together in bondage.
Live your life well and smoothly, and look at your happy life, the old man will be truly happy and comfortable.
Many times in marriage, the relationship between husband and wife is above all relationships, and we must respect each other's opinions and face the problems that arise.
Mr. Zhao's wife, Ms. Guo, has proposed to Mr. Zhao many times over the years that she wants to move, but in the end she could not withstand a phone call from her father.
The generation of this gap must have made Ms. Guo feel cold. If Mr. Zhao can find some serious problems and solve problems, presumably the contradiction between Ms. Guo and her in-laws will not be so fierce.
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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]