There is a passage in "The Siege" that says: "Marriage is like a siege, the people in the city want to come out, and the people outside the city want to go in." ”
Some people say that getting married is to create a better life with the right people.
But in the current environment and divorce data, it seems that marriage is for "divorce".
More and more people are more considering the "self" in marriage, and once there is a problem with the relationship with their partner, they decisively choose to stop the loss.
Give you a chance you did not cherish, forgive you for the second time is still useless, if it is not three, I will take the initiative to leave you.
The attitude of the older generation towards marriage is often "sewing and patching up for three years", even if it is difficult, there are more contradictions, pretending to be confused, a lifetime will pass.
But for young people, marriage is really something that people "love and hate".
Some people are entangled in marriage, some people are tormented in marriage, and some people firmly give up bad lives in pursuit of better.
-01
What are the reasons why contemporary people choose divorce?
There is such a set of data on the Internet, and we can analyze it according to the data.
The top three reasons for divorce are: life trivia, separation, and weak emotional foundation.
Some people say: Isn't betrayal of feelings the main reason for the divorce of husband and wife?
Betrayal of feelings is only part of it, and some people will choose to tolerate and give each other a chance after encountering the problem of their partners' infidelity to their marriage.
However, it is intolerable that conflicts arise every day because of endless trivialities of life.
First: Endless trivia
There is a saying on the Internet: Husband and wife live together, every day there are countless times to want to strangle each other's thoughts; but after going downstairs for a walk, they buy the other's favorite food home.
Marriage is like this, while disgusting and falling in love, but when small contradictions accumulate to a large contradiction and finally can not be reconciled, two people will choose to separate.
"It's not that there is no emotion, but the life of the other party can be seen at a glance, and there is no ability to change the other party, nor can it change the status quo."
Two people living together means showing all their shortcomings in front of each other; bad habits, bad emotions, and so on.
In a short period of time, you can endure, you can try to run in; but both people try hard, but they still have no ability to change, and can only choose divorce.
Second: Separation is too long
Saw a post online.
A couple has been married for 6 years and has been separated for 4 years.
The wife takes care of the children at home and assumes the responsibilities of a full-time wife, while the husband works outside the country to earn money to support the family.
Such a state, from the surface analysis can not find that the two people have any emotional problems.
But the wife said this in her confession:
"At 2 a.m., the child's high fever does not go away, he can't drive, he can't get a car in the middle of the night; he rides an electric car 20 miles alone to the hospital to see his child; and these husbands who work in other places don't know."
"While taking care of the children, we must maintain the relationship with the in-laws, and we must also take care of the various human relations in the family; the husband only goes home twice a year, although he pays to go home every month, but the pressure inside and outside all falls on the woman, and the husband also does not know."
"The husband goes home twice a year, stays at home for no more than half a month, and is still unwilling to take on family responsibilities at home, saying only that it is not easy for him to earn money outside to support his family."
You see, the marriage of two people has long been "in name only", the husband cannot see the grievances and pressure of the wife, and the pain and sorrow in the wife's heart have nowhere to pour out.
Marriage is not like falling in love, if a long-distance couple has the opportunity to get married, then if the couple is separated for a long time, the final failure is more likely.
Third: the emotional foundation is weak
Some people choose to get married because they get married for the sake of getting married.
There is no basis for feelings, and a short period of acquaintance and understanding enters marriage; however, the days after marriage make them realize that the original union without feelings is so painful.
The person who sleeps in the same bed every day is not really loved by himself, strange and familiar, living in a home, but there is a wall between the two hearts.
Don't know each other, don't understand each other's minds.
In such a state of marriage, two people quarrel and complain every day; the shortcomings of the other person are magnified several times in your heart, and two people will not understand without tolerance.
At this time, the marriage has long been in jeopardy.
When the happiness and happiness of marriage all become accusations, complaints, and hatreds, such a marriage cannot see the future at all.
-02
"Can't let go of the past, can't see the future"
Some time ago, a female reader consulted me.
The female reader has been married to her husband for 20 years, and the child has just gone to college.
She had thought that when her children went to college, she would divorce her husband, but she was reluctant in her heart.
Although there are many problems and contradictions in the feelings of the two people at the moment, and the mind is not on the other party, neither of them has made a proper behavior.
She was very reluctant to marry each other for 20 years, but when she thought of the daily torture and quarrels, she wanted to escape from this bad state of marriage.
Do you feel familiar with this?
In today's middle-aged couples, marriage is often such a state.
On one side is nostalgia, on the other side is decisiveness, oscillating between cowardice and bravery.
They're like walking into a dead end, and marriage becomes a wall that leaves him not knowing how to choose.
When marriage becomes this state, how do you choose?
In our marriage, there are often three states.
The first: with you for the rest of your life
The two people are very much in love, and after marriage, the relationship is the same for ten years.
In them, we can see a sense of responsibility for marriage, an investment in the family, an tolerance for love, and an understanding of a partner.
Two people work together to find a way to make the marriage happier and the family better and better.
They regard marriage as a lifelong pursuit, and they do not skimp on the praise and appreciation of their lovers.
Such a marriage is exactly the "happiness" we want to pursue.
The second: torture day after day
Being with the other person is a mistake, and in this wrong choice, every day is torture.
Quarrels, insults, contradictions, cold wars, all the bad side of marriage, run through their married life.
No one wants to give in, no one wants to change, and allows the marriage to collapse from the inside out, and finally completely broken.
This is a torturous marriage, but also a twisted life.
The third kind: just make it up, just live together
I have such a couple next to me.
The two people have completed the divorce papers, but they have agreed with each other to live together and raise the children together until the children are not adults.
But in private, the two people play their own, do not delay the start of new feelings, as long as they do not bring the third party home.
I was surprised when I first heard of this sort of thing.
Is it really fun to live such a "life together"? When I see each other every day, I am afraid that my heart will be uncomfortable.
It is called for children, but is this not another form of selfishness?
If you think that marriage still has a chance to save and can try to change the run-in, then invest time and energy to change.
If you have worked hard, tried, and still can't change the other party, and you can't force yourself, then choosing the end is not a new beginning.
Today's Topic:
Are you satisfied with your marriage?
What kind of married life are you looking forward to?
(Article with picture source network)