Text/Coriander
Qian Zhongshu's "Siege of the City" exhausts the essence of marriage. He said: People outside the besieged city want to come in, and people in the besieged city want to go out.
People who have not experienced it, always think about going through it is good. People who have experienced it, if the process is not beautiful, have a very regretful psychology.
And now, it seems that fewer and fewer people are happily married. This is how a lot of people feel.
Some people say that life is getting better and better now, but why is the happiness of marriage getting worse and worse?
As a person who has not yet entered marriage, there is not much understanding of marriage, and it seems that there is no qualification to discuss marriage, but from the reality of the high divorce rate in modern times, or the increasing number of unhappy marriages is also real.
A happy marriage will naturally not go to the point of divorce, and only an unhappy marriage will come to a lose-lose end.
In fact, marriage needs to be managed, but also needs the efforts of both parties, which is a well-known thing. A marriage with only one party's efforts cannot be completed after all.
Therefore, the commonality of a happy marriage is that both husband and wife are willing to take responsibility for the family and work hard. This is very important.
In fact, modern people's self-personality is too strong, and they do not want to accommodate and tolerate, which is the biggest reason for the failure of marriage.
If you get married, both husband and wife have the correct cognition, understand that they have the responsibility to become a family, understand the effectiveness of a marriage certificate, that is, two people live together from then on, to set up a home together, to create a good home atmosphere together, then marriage can naturally have a happy and satisfying effect.
But many times, because of the strong self, people like to go according to their own personality, do not care about the feelings of partners and family, so that the family and life are plunged into a state of chaos and disharmony.
The model of a happy marriage can actually be copied. This kind of replication is people's reflection on themselves and their tolerance for their partners.
A famous person once said that before marriage, the eyes should be rounded, and after marriage, the eyes should be half open.
This "half-openness", which is what we often call "one eye and one eye closed". If you think too much, not only are you tired, but your family will also be affected. Why bother?
"There is no winner in the battle between husband and wife, it can only be a lose-lose situation."
So, there is no such thing as winning or losing in a marriage, and there is no real victory for a person.
However, marriage has a kind of victory, a win-win situation, that is, marriage can be happy and can accompany it to the whitehead. If both husband and wife can tolerate each other, take responsibility for each other, and carry out the marriage to the end together, then this victory, this win-win situation, is the best existence.
A French writer once said: Marriage is a union of two hearts, forbearance and concessions.
Without these conditions, marriage would fail.
Two hearts imprinted on each other means to be in agreement; to tolerate each other is to tolerate and understand each other.
With these, and with the responsibility and courage to take responsibility for each other, two people can support each other on the road of marriage, take care of each other, and go hand in hand to the end of life.
A sister in marriage once told me: marriage is not a one-man one-man show, in many days of grievance, I thought about giving up, I thought about liberation, but it is really not easy for two people to come together, if it is not enough to insist, not enough to "seek perfection", this day, it is indeed impossible to live.
They were still freely in love, or had loved vigorously, but in married life, she still felt that it was not so ideal.
Those who just get along plainly, or go through blind dates and enter into marriage, are more likely to generate resentment and regret marriage in the tedious daily life.
Therefore, marriage is not a one-person marriage, nor is it a one-person thing. If the husband and wife in the marriage can understand this, they are consciously taking responsibility in the marriage, tolerant of each other, or the happiness and satisfaction of the marriage, it is not so difficult.