Qian Zhongshu said in "The Siege": "Marriage is like a besieged city, people on the outside want to come in, but people inside want to go out." ”
Even couples who enter marriage because of love, as the passion fades and time passes, many things are changing, and when we find that our marriage has a crisis, it is easy to be helpless.
The anxiety and confusion in the midlife crisis make people anxious, feel that they are all people who rely on themselves, but no one can rely on themselves, if coupled with the marriage crisis, they are surprised that there have been many problems between each other, but they have not been facing it.
It is said that there is only a make-up in the marriage of middle-aged people, there is no love between two people, and it seems that it is a family relationship and not a family relationship.
But many couples look at each other and hate each other, quarrel when they don't agree, but for various reasons they don't want to divorce, they hate each other, men complain that women have changed, women complain that men have changed, and in the end, opinions cannot be agreed.
Seeking inward to get what you don't want, you seek outward, and you begin to want to turn over the siege to find comfort.
Being the other half will soon be discovered from the change in partner
In the crisis of middle-aged marriage, there are three common states, and if you want to change, don't use too much force.
The first state, finding out that the partner has betrayed the marriage.
In the crisis of middle-aged marriage, the most difficult thing to accept is betrayal, and no one wants to have a green on their heads.
However, if men and women feel that marriage is boring, and do not want to operate, only want to pursue excitement or want something, can not restrain the impulse and desire, will seek comfort outside of marriage.
Because couples have been together for a long time, they have long known each other's every move, and some people have not found their partners' betrayals, not that they have not found abnormalities, but they believe too much in their partners or believe in each other's marital relationship.
However, when a person discovers that his partner has betrayed his marriage, the marriage crisis is in front of him and he has to face it.
Some people have only found clues, have not yet confirmed, encounter this kind of suspected partner betrayal situation, of course, pay more attention, carefully observe the partner's abnormal behavior, understand the reason for his abnormal behavior.
If it is confirmed that the marriage has been betrayed and you want to change this state, you must consider it comprehensively to see if there is a need to continue the marriage.
If you don't want to continue, then prepare for divorce and fight for your legitimate rights and interests.
The most difficult situation is that many people do not want to divorce after finding out that their partners have betrayed, but want to save, but they are really painful inside, but they want to change their partners and restore the relationship as before.
It is said that it is God who changes oneself, and it is neuropathy that changes others.
When it is found that the partner betrayed the marriage, no matter what the reason for choosing not to divorce, do not think about changing the other party, thinking that the other party has done something wrong is to owe themselves, but the other party has never thought so from returning to the family.
People who want to change their partners will only make themselves more miserable, because no one wants to be reformed by others, and instinctively resisting out of defensive psychology will only create more contradictions and conflicts.
From the moment you know that your partner has betrayed you, don't dwell on the loss of emotional value, but focus on profit.
Marriage is a community of interests, no matter how to choose from their own interests, even if you want to change yourself to get out of the current predicament, you have to make the most favorable choice for yourself.
Don't try too hard to change the person who betrays you, you can only change yourself, let yourself have more choices, and everything will change with it.
In the second state, there is nothing to say to each other.
When people reach middle age, they have long formed a fixed mode of getting along with each other.
Many couples are like strangers living under the same roof, except for saying a few words for the sake of their children's learning, they usually do not communicate, play mobile phones, and do not disturb each other.
This situation arises because of the accumulation of contradictions and each other's laziness, and they do not want to change first, but only want the other party to make changes first.
Some people even regard the other party's concession as a manifestation of "instigation", thinking that they have won in this silent contest again, but they do not know that they are the biggest loser.
There is no word to say to each other because the words are not speculative, and then they are too lazy to say, and even quarrels cannot improve the situation.
However, everyone still wants to be loved and recognized in their hearts, and both men and women, as long as they do not want to divorce, must change this situation without words.
If changing the way you speak is not effective, you may wish to try body language, such as hugging, kissing, etc., and use the initiative to break down barriers between each other and establish a new way of getting along.
In the third state, they hate each other to sleep in separate beds.
When people reach middle age, many couples look at each other and hate each other, completely lose the desire to sleep in the same bed with each other, tacitly choose to separate rooms with each other, say high-sounding reasons, and tacitly agree with this idea.
But it's easy to split the bed, and it's hard to sleep in one place again.
Some people even sleep in separate beds with their partners for the sake of people outside, and the partners who sleep in separate rooms are kept in the dark, and they are worried about whether the other half is tired or physically ill, which is really ironic.
Husbands and wives sleep in separate beds for a long time, there is no emotional intersection between each other, feelings will naturally become weaker and weaker, and it is easy to suspect each other, resulting in a crisis of trust.
Once there is no trust between each other, there will be a crisis in the relationship between husband and wife.
It seems to be a small thing to sleep in separate beds, but what is separated is the heart, slowly getting used to one person carrying everything, having a partner is the same as no partner, no longer needing each other, and not wanting to see each other.
Husbands and wives hate each other to sleep in separate rooms, but the contradictions between each other accumulate to a certain extent, each other do not want to solve, but do not have the ability to divorce, choose to make it, but the heart let themselves get used to leaving each other's lives first.
If you want to change this state, don't think about what you get from the other person, but think about what you can give to the other person.
Because it is a fact that the feelings of middle-aged couples have faded, but this feeling has become a kind of "family affection", although there is no blood relationship, if they are separated, they will also hurt their bones.
Don't feel that as long as you are in marriage, your other half will also have your thoughts.
Since you can't get married, then live a better life, live a good life, support each other, assume your responsibilities, build trust, and be at peace with each other.
When you feel that there is a crisis in your marriage, it means that you have to make changes and grow between each other, and handling it well is an escalation of the relationship.
If you want to make a change, internally, accept yourself, let yourself have the ability to be happy and happy, don't just focus on your partner; externally, what kind of marital relationship you want, and you can create it by running it well with each other.
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