01
The most common bias in our lives is the preference of parents for a child.
Many people can't understand why they are all children of their parents, but they prefer one and do not like the other.
In fact, people are born to have a certain choice in dealing with things, what kind of personality people they like, what types of people they don't like, the same for children, and even more comparisons.
Parents who like to be lively will naturally pay more attention to active children, while parents who like to be quiet will feel that naughty children make people's heads bigger.
Although they are all their own children, it is inevitable that under the comparison, they pay more attention to the one they like, and the more they invest, the more they will naturally prefer.
Of course, there are still some people, influenced by traditional ideas, like sons, do not like daughters, like small, do not like large, in short, how much parental love you can get, does not depend on whether you work hard, but depends on the parents' ideas, and so on.
02
Xiao Jin's parents were very fond of their younger brothers when they were young, although the brothers were only two years apart, but the differential treatment was much worse.
Xiao Jin didn't like to talk much when he was young, but his brother was lively and cheerful, and every time he went to a relative's house, his brother would perform a song and dance, compared to Xiao Jin, who even stumbled when he said hello to the elders.
Because of such a thing, Xiao Jin has not been less than his mother's number, and words such as "no show" hang in his ears almost every day.
In fact, Xiaojin studies very well, works very hard, and his brain is also alive, but he is not very good at expression, but his mother can't see the advantages of Xiaojin at all.
Later, my brother and Xiao Jin both grew up and were admitted to college, Xiao Jin's personality was also cheerful a lot, and he worked well after graduation, and his brother couldn't look at any job because he was arrogant and arrogant, and he stayed at home for a long time after graduation, and also let his mother break her heart.
Originally thought that there was a job, leaving home, the mother will not be able to manage herself, anyway, insignificant children, do not deserve the mother's care.
But things are not as simple as Xiaojin thinks, marriage is the beginning of the contradiction between Xiaojin and his mother.
In the second year of work, Xiao Jin met the love of his life, the girlfriend was gentle and considerate, understood him very well, and also thought about him, and the two people's plans for the future were also very similar, so soon after falling in love, the two people came to talk about marriage.
Originally, Xiao Jin did not expect his parents to give much support, and the dowry money should be interesting, but unfortunately, just when his brother was also planning to get married, his mother invested all her money and energy on her brother.
"The money you mother and I have saved is only enough for one of you to marry a daughter-in-law, and you should be a little younger brother, or you will wait for four or five years for our old two to smash the pot and sell iron and then save it for you!" For Xiao Jin's marriage, her mother obviously did not care very much.
Fortunately, the girlfriend's family is not very concerned about the bride price or anything, the girlfriend is also looking at Xiao Jin, so the two people are still married, and after marriage, they also bought a house through their own efforts, but Xiao Jin always feels sorry for his wife in his heart.
Not long after the marriage, Xiao Jin's wife became pregnant, and in the early stages of pregnancy, her mother was still very happy and clamored to take care of her wife, and Xiao Jin also thought that her mother was transsexual.
But the arrival of the mother did not let the wife relax for half a minute, but in addition to going to work every day, she also had to cook the mother's meal.
And the mother comes, but also to monitor whether the wife eats on time, afraid that the child in the belly is hungry, from time to time to a word of expectation for the eldest grandson, although it is some daily small things, but the arrival of the mother obviously makes the wife very uncomfortable.
Xiao Jin also said her mother several times, but her mother was very dissatisfied every time, and she felt that she had come to take care of her daughter-in-law and was rejected.
Looking at the need for the care of the mother after the birth of the child, Xiao Jin did not make things too stiff, but everything was Xiao Jin thought too much.
Not long after the birth of the child, the sister-in-law became pregnant, the eldest grandson was instantly unscented, and the mother packed her luggage overnight and went to her brother's house.
Leaving the wife and newborn child in the confinement, the mother just left, not waiting for Xiaojin to return from a business trip.
This incident made Xiao Jin and his mother completely fall out: "Originally, you said that you were going to take care of the child, but you turned out to be dashing, you have to say early in the morning that you don't take care of it, we can also think of other ways, are you doing something called?" ”
But no matter how angry Xiao Jin was, her mother said that she was right.
Later, it was the mother-in-law who helped bring up the child, and the mother lived in her brother's house for four years.
In recent years, Xiao Jin has not been in contact with the family, and the New Year is also at the mother-in-law's house, and then heard the news of his mother, it is his brother who calls to say that his mother is hospitalized.
The mother was cerebral hemorrhage, suddenly fell down, the person was rescued, but the legs were paralyzed, and someone had to take care of it later.
How is the patient for the big, Xiao Jin's wife took a few days off to take a few days off to take care of the mother-in-law, originally thought that the sister-in-law and daughter-in-law would come to work together, but the result was that I did not see anyone for a week.
Xiao Jin originally wanted to discuss with his brother how to take care of his mother in the future, but his mother spoke first, and his sister-in-law and daughter-in-law worked very well, and they certainly could not resign, hoping that Xiao Jin's wife could resign to take care of her.
Although she is a mother, it is too unreasonable to say this: "My daughter-in-law's salary of 30,000 yuan a month is impossible to resign, and you will let whoever you are biased to serve you." ”
Xiao Jin deliberately said that his daughter-in-law's high salary was just to gamble.
In the end, Xiao Jin's mother was still sent back to her hometown, Xiao Jin hired a nurse, and shared the cost with her brother, and the matter was also settled.
03
Some people are always self-centered and never think about things from the side of others, so there will always be some unrealistic ideas and do things that others can't understand.
First: Favoring one over the other is the biggest confusion of parents.
There are too many parents, who regard their children as their own appendages, tease when they like it, and throw them aside when they don't like it, they want their children to be what they want to be, and they try to make their children look like, never considering their children's feelings.
Therefore, they never care about the psychology of their children, and they will not feel that there is anything wrong with their eccentricity.
In their hearts, they are self-centered, like their brother, they are doubly good to their brother, they don't like their brother, they are all brothers in any dirty work, they just express their feelings from their own point of view, but they never consider what impact this will have on the two children.
In most such families, whether they are eccentric or eccentric children, there will be great problems in growing up.
Many parents think that being good to their children is just satisfying their desire to control what they like, not really being good for their children.
Truly intelligent parents should balance their love for their children, rather than favoring one over the other and making their children chill.
Just like Xiao Jin's mother above, her heart is Xiao Jin's younger brother, and whenever she thinks about it, she has never been dismissive of Xiao Jin, even taking care of Xiao Jin's wife, who also fished for three days and dried nets for two days, and her mind was not here.
Even if she finally fell ill, her brother and daughter-in-law hid from taking care of her, and her mother still considered the work and life of her sister-in-law and daughter-in-law, afraid that her illness would affect her brother's family's income.
But Xiao Jin really ignored it completely, always put forward some unreasonable demands, and of course, in the end, he did not get the results he wanted.
Eccentricity will not only have an impact on the child's life, but when he is old, he will taste the bitter fruit of eccentricity.
Second: In the face of parental bias, children must know how to protect the interests of their spouses.
Once the parents are biased, the eccentric is not a person, but a large family.
Because of the eccentricity of the younger son, the younger son is all good, and the daughter-in-law who marries is also in love with Wu and Wu, and on the contrary, naturally because he does not like the eldest son, he is also full of pickiness about the eldest daughter-in-law.
Among the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, some of the contradictions are caused by the mother-in-law's unfairness to several daughters-in-law.
They are all daughters-in-law, why did she have what I didn't? Many families have had such questions.
And the more indisputable the one, the more patient the one, the easier it is to be bullied.
Therefore, in the face of the mother's eccentricity, as a husband, you must protect your wife and block the responsibilities that should not belong to her.
Just like Xiao Jin in the above article, he clearly knows that his happiness is given by his wife, and he also owes his wife a lot, so even his mother cannot hurt his wife in the slightest.
Many men feel that it is not filial piety to disobey their parents for the sake of their wives, and such an idea is not right, filial piety is not obedience, but fulfilling their obligations, and so on.
Text/No Pen