01
I don't know if you have found such a phenomenon:
More and more marriages, not losing money, not losing distance, but losing to a woman named "mother-in-law".
In life, there are women who seem to marry very well. The in-laws want money and money, and they want power and power. The husband wants to have a face, and he wants to have character. Their own work income is also good, and the couple is talented and feminine. Eat and wear without worry, life is exquisite.
What seems to be a happy and enviable marriage often has an unknown bitterness.
They may be in love with their husbands.
However, in a certain aspect, it is considered by the in-laws to be "high climbing" the in-laws, so they always get fair treatment and the minimum respect of the mother-in-law in marriage. Living in a repressive family atmosphere for a long time.
There are also some women who have a good relationship with their boyfriends, but also because the mother-to-be feels that she is not worthy of her own son, she is not willing to submit to the other party's "dismount" and "make rules", and have to choose to end the relationship.
Nana (not her real name) is like that.
02
Nana is from a small county in the south.
Although it is a small county, the local economic development has always been very good. Nana's parents run a snack bar, which is an old brand handed down from the ancestors, the business is very prosperous, and the family's economy is relatively rich.
Nana herself, for her part, is really not talented in reading.
At the beginning, her parents spent a lot of money to report various promotion classes for her and asked for tutors. She herself also got up early and went to bed late every day, and her college entrance examination results were still unsatisfactory, and she only reluctantly went to an ordinary university.
But that didn't affect her accomplishments in any way.
As soon as she graduated from college, Nana found a job for herself with excellent social skills and high emotional intelligence. When the performance is good, the monthly income can be offset by the salary of ordinary office workers for more than half a year.
In addition, her own appearance conditions and personality are good, and her parents have a good income, and she is such a daughter. Every time I come home for the New Year, there are always a few people who come to the door to say kisses, hoping that Nana can consider interacting with their children.
But both were rejected by Nana.
Nana has a boyfriend she's been dating for over two years and hasn't brought home before. Therefore, no matter how the parents explained, the people who came to visit the parents always thought that the parents did not look at each other's conditions and prevaricated them.
Speaking of Nana's boyfriend, his conditions are quite compatible with Nana.
The boyfriend's parents are also doing small business, and they can maintain their own lives. The boyfriend is a graduate of a prestigious university, although the average income is inferior to Nana, but he is very self-motivated and considerate of Nana.
The relationship between the two has always been very good.
Regarding Nana's relationship, her parents were supportive.
They believe that their own family is an ordinary ordinary person, looking for a door-to-door pair, the husband and wife respect each other as guests, and live a harmonious life, far better than squeezing the giants.
But in the eyes of her boyfriend's mother, it is not the same thing, she always thinks that Nana is a "uncultured" and climbs her son.
It all started with Nana's first visit to the man's house.
At the beginning of the year, the two thought that they had been dating for such a long time, and they should also settle things down and give each other a name.
So Nana, with the permission of her parents, found a weekend and went with her boyfriend to his house to meet her future in-laws.
However, the first time they met, the boyfriend's mother did not show a very happy look. Although the face is crowded with smiles, it always gives people the feeling of hiding a knife behind them, which is very awkward.
Sure enough, after lunch, when the family sat on the sofa and chatted, the mother-in-law began to talk.
She first praised her boyfriend, saying how he worked hard to be self-disciplined to get into a prestigious university, and then said that in the past two years, she had introduced many girls with better conditions than Nana to her boyfriend, but her boyfriend couldn't see one, that is, he identified Nana. For this reason, mother and son did not quarrel less.
She also said that this year is the popularity of academic qualifications, and no matter how much Nana earns, it is only a youth meal. In the future, after getting married and having children, I will definitely rely on my boyfriend to support my family in life.
Since Nana had climbed their house, she had to talk to Nana in advance about the rules of their house.
I saw the mother-in-law say to Nana with a straight face: "Daughter-in-law, after you get married, my son will not do three things: do not do housework, do not cook, and do not bring children." You will serve your husband and children as I have served his father and son. ”
Nana turned her head to look at her boyfriend and found that he did not mean to help himself break the siege, but instead had a lively expression.
Nana could not accept such unreasonable demands, nor was she willing to pretend to accept them first, and then repent after marriage.
He said to her bluntly, "I also don't do anything, I won't be your daughter-in-law." ”
After saying that, Nana proposed to her boyfriend to break up, and then went straight home despite his retention.
03
It is said that when a girl marries someone, she is actually married to a large son of the man.
This is not false at all.
Therefore, when a girl decides to marry a romantic partner, she must not only look at the man himself, but also have some basic understanding of his family.
Through Nana's story, we also understand the following two truths.
One: For any unreasonable request, it must be rejected in time at the first time.
Sanmao once said:
"Don't be afraid to reject others, if your reasons are justified, when a person asks for it, he has prepared two answers in his heart. So, to give him any of these answers is to be expected. ”
People are social animals, and it is not an easy task to refuse the requests of others at will.
Especially emotionally.
When many women face the so-called true love, they often easily compromise their bottom line because they are afraid of losing the man they love, or leaving a bad impression on the other party.
For example, when encountering difficulties similar to Nana's coming from her mother-in-law, some women who are supreme in love often choose to obey in order to preserve love.
However, once a woman signs this "extraordinary treaty" before she has passed the door, her married life will only be more unfortunate.
The other party will not cherish your compromise because of your compromise. It will only treat you as a soft persimmon, and the more you pinch it, the more addictive it becomes.
Therefore, no matter how much you love someone, your bottom line must not be lost.
For any unreasonable request, it must also be rejected in time at the first time. Lest you dig a pit for yourself and jump into it, it will be difficult to jump out again.
Two: In the marriage relationship, if one of the parties has a sense of superiority, it is difficult to be happy after marriage.
Gibran once said:
"The horn stone of the great hall is not higher than the lowest cornerstone."
Husband and wife are the two pillars of marriage, and only by always maintaining equality and facing each other squarely can the building of marriage be stable and not collapse.
However, in real life, there is always some people with an inexplicable sense of superiority, and they always have a lofty and aggressive posture in marriage. This phenomenon is particularly evident in the case of a slight disparity between the two sides.
And this disparity is often based on the respective standards of both husband and wife as a reference.
For example, some women think that their mother's family is strong and belongs to "marriage", and her husband should be grateful to himself. Therefore, in marriage, it is willful and arbitrary, and it hits men's self-esteem when they seize the opportunity.
For example, some men believe that they have earned more money for their families, that their wives and children depend on him for their livelihood, and that their position in the family should be sacred and inviolable. Therefore, in marriage, the wife is treated as a free nanny, pointing fingers.
But in fact, many times, the so-called "strong strength" is only a small margin, and there is no obvious polarization.
And "making more money" must also be based on the basis of his wife taking care of the family wholeheartedly and cleaning up his worries for him, and only then can he achieve possible achievements.
But it is because of this little bit of "superiority" that they continue to swell, and their attitude towards the other half is becoming more and more dismissive. Over time, it became the culprit that destroyed the marriage.
If you think about it, how worth it?
Therefore, in order to have a happy marriage, both spouses must let go of that damn sense of superiority.
You can see each other's efforts in your eyes, remember each other's kindness in your heart, and understand each other's difficulties in life. Only by comparing hearts to hearts can we go further.
Text/No Pen