summary:
1, people will find that the things we pursue in our lives are actually related to the original family, and those beautiful things that have been obtained make us extremely nostalgic and cherished. And those who have not been obtained make us yearn, let us yearn for, let us yearn incomparably. For example, you want to find someone who pampers you unconditionally, you want someone who loves you to pamper you unconditionally, but most of the time you will run into a bloody scalp on this road. These are all things our biological parents would do when we were young, and once you don't really get it, you'll go further and further down the path.
2. The foundation of family education is a harmonious and happy marriage relationship; the core of family education is a stable and happy family life. A good original family, indispensable to a good pair of parents, they may not accompany their children how many books to read, how much homework, how much life principles, they are just doing the simplest and most basic thing - trying to live, and trying to make life better. In the process, they teach the child what "life" is.
3, "good parents" is not only defined from the perspective of the child, in a way, husband and wife are the definors of "good father" or "good mother", that is to say, the "father" that the mother likes and is satisfied with is the real "good father" (the reverse is not necessarily the same).
The dad that mom likes is the best dad! The mother's attitude to life determines the temperature of the family and also determines whether the child's growth foundation is solid. At a time when feminist consciousness is awakening, women's status is rising, and marital stability is generally not very optimistic, this is something worthy of all young fathers.
Text | Honest Chen YOLO
Edit | God teases Daddy
01
I deeply agree with the sentence I have seen before: no matter how happy and happy couples are, they have countless impulses to pinch each other.
To find someone in this world who makes us completely satisfied, that person may only be ourselves...
Few people dare to say that their married life has been smooth, and so have I!
I used to work hard to make myself a "good husband", I tried to do things that everyone felt were natural, thinking that men, at least, should be able to support a family, with rice, there is no problem.
But the other party does not see it this way, I will always be called by the other party very seriously to "discuss" some things, in my opinion, she just has nothing to do, there is no contradiction to create contradictions to come to "discuss" with me (such as the matter between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law).
Not only did I not take it seriously, but I was also annoyed at the time, it was all some kind of trivial and bullshit thing!
After having children, I also worked hard to make myself a "good dad", from the beginning of clumsily holding the child and changing diapers, to later becoming a full-time dad who was proficient in these skills and took on all the housework, I felt that I had done what most men did not want to do and did not care to do.
Yes, we did role swaps, she went out to work, I was at home with my baby, we both complained about each other, she wanted to see if working outside was as tiring as I said, I wanted to see how she was so impatient when she was at home.
That process lasted about a year, and it was also the most contradictory period between us, and during that time, we both had the idea of divorce.
I found that no matter how well I did, the other party could always pick out the fault. There is also a strand of hair on the floor, oil stains on the stove, children's clothes should not be thrown directly into the washing machine, etc., and when I make these perfect, there are still some unexpected questions, such as "Why hasn't your mother come to see her grandson for so long?" How could she not care at all? Did Grandma do that..."
Well, she could always find something she wasn't satisfied with anyway.
02
I wasn't happy with her, and I found that she quickly forgot about the chores she had to do with her baby, quickly learned my old stinky problems, and came home to enjoy it with peace of mind.
For example, people will always bring back some bad emotions, go home and want to "be quiet and quiet", and then go there, do not want to worry about anything, bad mood will also bring the child with a fierce meal, and when you are full of unhappiness to "clean up" the child, the other party is often "particularly measured", the big truth is a bunch of nothing wrong ...
I can't imagine the dilemma faced by forced, unearned "baby people".
I found that we all think about one thing wrong, a lot of contradictions occur, not because of what kind of person the other person is, not how you can do it, in many things, if you are placed in that position, you will have the same problem.
For example, you used to be very annoyed that your wife was nagging that she should not step on the ground she had just dragged clean, that she should not eat, and let her shout at you a lot, and when the person who mopped the floor and cooked was you, you would feel uncomfortable with these things, and you might also complain (nag) a few words.
For example, if you "look down" on your unpaid wife with a baby at home, when the other party earns more than you outside, she will also "look down" on you.
This is a universal law of human nature, which cannot be solved by changing people or changing positions, and we can never expect the other party to be a perfect "saint".
03
After a heated argument, we paused to reflect, and we all shamed ourselves for forgetting the original intention of switching roles—it was just to let ourselves experience each other's lives and moods, recognize our own shortcomings and each other's hardships, and then maintain gratitude.
In that process, I understood that the original little child did not have a moment to make you worry, it turned out that many times you "talked well" to him, he just wouldn't listen, it turned out that your stinky temper was not aimed at the person who didn't help you share the housework, and it turned out that your "no matter the child" and "just take care of the child" will make the other party unhappy.
It turns out that being a "good dad" is not for us to fulfill the part of the responsibility that mom should bear!
Thinking about it, my appeal to her during that time was actually very simple: respect the fruits of my labor and understand my feelings.
I know that this must be the place where she has been most dissatisfied with me before.
What really makes me wary is my three-year-old child, never underestimate the children's ability to imitate, every temper you throw, everything you do, will be deeply burned in their hearts, they can almost copy all your mantras and even your demeanor and tone!
When something bad is revealed in a child, it often illuminates ourselves as if it is magnified by a haha mirror.
I summed it up, probably like this: to be a "good father", you must first be a "good husband" who satisfies your wife and make her feel happy in order to exchange for a peaceful family, and a peaceful family can not only let you avoid chaos (backyard fire), but also give your children a rough measure of life in the subtle.
04
There are a few things that are not difficult to understand, and I would like to share them with friends who are confused in this regard.
1, when you are complained by the other party about "not caring enough about the child", the point of dissatisfaction of the other party is basically not that you care less about the child, she may be more annoyed with your "blind worry", what she really wants to say is that you do not care enough about the person with the child!
Every day when you come home and see your child dressed neatly and the floor clean, you must remember to praise it from the bottom of your heart, because it contains too much effort and effort. If not, try to understand what problems the other party is experiencing, physical discomfort and psychological repression may make her "no temper" with you.
2. Always remember to "report" your itinerary with the other party. People with a family and a room, the family is always the focus of your life, and the family is always the most important person in your life. You may also want your wife to report this to you, but the real reason is that you can better arrange your own affairs, and the other party may be different, she just needs this peace of mind!
3, there is no more "grinding" than with children, so do not blame the other party "even the children can not get it", as a father, you must have the ability to take the child alone at any time, you can independently give birth to the person she loves the most "arranged properly, she is difficult to feel that you are not good to them. High-quality patient companionship and voluntary sharing of housework are also essential things, you may have limited energy, but at least you can give your son a bath, comb your daughter's hair, and deal with the furniture in question, which in my opinion is the most "cost-effective" thing.
4, say a word that should not be said: work hard to earn rice, not to mention that the person with the baby at home is trying to replace you every day, which is also the most unsupervised by others, if this aspect also needs the other party to urge you and force you, then you may really be "not motivated".
These may not be comprehensive enough, but doing this can generally make the other party satisfied.
She may be a little wayward, we are all unlikely to have been born into a perfect family of origin, and making up for some of her childhood flaws is also part of our responsibility.
Moreover, where there are so many women who are demanding, maternal instinct also determines that the vast majority of mothers are people who want to live a good little life with peace of mind, and their ideas are also very simple: good to her, good to the children, not worried about chaimi, not distracted by emotions, they just want to live a well-organized life.
It turns out that if you give her a satisfactory husband/father, she will give you a good child and a warm family.
Well, the dad who makes her satisfied is the best dad!
"Enlightenment" early, there is no harm!
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