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Feng Zikai said: "When the heart is small, all the small things are big; when the heart is big, all the big things are small; look down on the vicissitudes of the world, and the heart is safe and sound." ”
If you look at marriage with such a mentality, then it is easier to understand their clear attitude for women who are not going to be in an unhappy marriage, who have both the courage to come out bravely and the women who do not make up their minds when choosing a remarried partner.
In the eyes of many people, divorced women with babies want to remarry, basically there is no capital to criticize the man, as long as the man can accept that he carries a "drag oil bottle" is very good.
Most of these women actually have the same idea, that is, to find someone to help themselves pull their children up. Men are also well aware of this. Of course, they also have another plan of their own, that is, to have at least one child in common after marriage. This is also a very important reason why he can accept the woman to marry with the child.
At the end of the day, it's about taking what you need. As for love, there is only the word hehe to replace.
After marriage, some people have lived a bland marriage as they wished, while some people have a more troublesome life than the previous marriage. Finally, it is a repetition of the failure of the previous marriage - divorce.
Linlin is also a woman who goes on a blind date with a three-year-old baby, but her requirements are no less than those of unmarried women. The basic material security of the garage is not to mention, she also planned love in it, and it is the first place to bear the brunt.
Therefore, she is a "strange thing" in the mouth of the blind date, and the experience of failure is much more than other women with baby blind dates.
However, she has always been very insistent on her ideas. Because in her view, although the first marriage ended in failure, it does not mean that remarriage will not be worthy of happiness, and the premise of happiness is of course that the heart belongs and the feelings are loyal.
Later, an older man named Zhang Kai took the initiative to extend an olive branch of love to her.
"You're an unmarried man, two years younger than me, but I'm a divorced woman with a baby, what do you like about me?" Linlin has never had the luxury of finding an unmarried man, and her idea of the future marriage is very simple, that is, to find a man who has also experienced marriage and understands what marriage is all about. She wondered why this man would look at herself. Because his conditions in all aspects are not bad, and the ranks of leftover men who have been single until the age of the elder are indeed too picky about the other half.
"To tell the truth, the first thing to look at is your appearance and temperament, and then there is love in your requirements for marriage. It can be said that it is your difference that attracts me. And, I promise you, I will be good to your children and be a good father to your children. Zhang Kai's answer is quite frank, and he thinks that his answer is textbook-level perfection, and Linlin will definitely be moved after listening to it.
"You are a little too clever, my children have a father, I am looking for my partner, a man who fell in love with me when I was young, a man who enjoyed the infinite beauty of the sunset with me when I was old." 」 Lin Lin's attitude clearly corrected Zhang Kai's primary and secondary distinctions.
"I'm not smart, don't you women often say this: after divorce, you choose to take your children with you, or you don't talk about marriage after that, and you will rely on your children for the rest of your life." 」 Or find a good stepfather for the child, so that the child can also live like other children in the whole family, in the family with a father and a mother. When Zhang Kai said this, he was a little ridiculous, and what he actually wanted to say in his heart at that time was: What do you pretend to be high?
"That's someone else's idea, it doesn't represent me." In terms of economic conditions, I myself am fully capable of raising my children well, and I do not need to find someone to help raise children; emotionally speaking, the biological father of a child loves the child very much, and no matter how much love a stepfather gives, it is not as good as the biological father who loves the child very much. Linlin's attitude has always been so clear and firm.
Zhang Kai half tentatively and half seriously confessed, but inadvertently gained the answer that he had been thinking about but did not dare to expect to achieve success. Linlin's appearance attracted him, but she still had a child to take with her, which was the key to Zhang Kai's dare not easily take a step forward.
He is afraid that he is just the wronged head of raising children for others, he is afraid that his liking is just wishful thinking, and he is very afraid of such a marriage.
After talking to Linlin head-on, I found that there seemed to be room for development.
And Linlin, as for her, is also quite fond of Zhang Kai's honesty. If he really doesn't mind bringing a baby by himself, then this man should be a good choice.
Two people who are interested in getting along with each other once had a good feeling. Zhang Kai is not like other blind dates, blindly pleasing the child, more is "pleasing" himself, is a peaceful and friendly attitude towards the child.
Linlin, as she herself said, was indeed looking for a partner for herself. For most of her dating time, she would choose a two-person world and let her parents help with a child.
Linlin's attitude towards the positive view of marriage deeply fascinated Zhang Kai. She found the happiness she wanted in her second marriage.
One day after marriage, Linlin asked Zhang Kai: "Before marriage, I told you that I don't plan to have any more children." Although you say it doesn't matter, you must be uncomfortable in your heart, right? Didn't you think about changing your mind after marriage? ”
"You are really living in the belly of a gentleman with the heart of a villain, and I really haven't thought about it that way." It's been so long since you've been married, haven't you noticed? The two of us are actually the same people – words and deeds. Husband and wife come first, children second. As long as the two of us have always loved each other, life will be full enough. There is no sad component in Zhang Kai's words.
When she asked this, Linlin had already found out that she was a week pregnant. Before marriage, she said that she did not intend to have children again, but she did not want to have children for the sake of having children. However, after marrying Zhang Kai, she experienced what is called happiness, and she chose to welcome the crystallization of their common love naturally, and planned to wait a few days for Zhang Kai's birthday to tell him the good news.
By this time, she and her ex-husband's children were already in elementary school, and she also had the energy to take care of another child. Moreover, Zhang Kai and the child get along well, although they have been calling Uncle Zhang Kai, but they are not emotionally divided, and they are not much worse than their father and daughter.
The reason why the marriage between the two of them is happy is also because Linlin has her own distinct attitude towards marriage: there is love, affection and temperature.
In her marriage, she has never neglected to care for and take care of Zhang Kai because of taking care of her children, whether it is from the emotional or life, she has done everything that a good wife who loves her husband should do everything, can tolerate some of Zhang Kai's small shortcomings, and can also take care of the family up and down in an orderly manner.
It is precisely because of these that Zhang Kai has never regretted the decision to promise her "no more children".
Linlin's happy marriage destination tells female friends: Women with attitudes towards marriage are the most attractive, principled, have a bottom line, are not affected by the herd ideas of others, and stick to their original intentions, which is the important reason for finally harvesting a happy slam.
Her personal experience also reminds everyone that divorced and remarried will not be three points shorter than unmarried marriage, as long as you have a correct understanding of marriage, marriage is not selfishly just to find a man to help you pull your children up, but to love this man for a lifetime, then you also have the same hope to enter a marriage with true feelings. (Figure from the network, graphics and text independent)