Yesterday I watched a documentary "Kindergarten" from 2004, which had such an interview.
The interviewees were all children who had been staying in kindergartens for a long time, and the reporter asked them "when will they say 'I love you'"?
Facing the camera, the first child looked dazed and said "I don't know" in confusion, and when the reporter asked a question again, "Said I didn't say I love you", the child shook his head.
The second child was very cold, saying "no", and when the reporter asked him "who do you want to say I love you to", he smiled shyly and said "I don't know".
Finally, faced with the same problem, the third child also said that he did not say it, and the reason was actually "because of that disgusting".
As "Chinese parents", we may have long been accustomed to the implicit expression of love, although we have been working hard for our children, we have never told our love to our mouths, and we have integrated love into every bit of life.
However, it is precisely because of this way of education that children often mistakenly think that "parents do not love themselves", worry about being abandoned, worry that parents do not like themselves, and invisibly become sensitive and fragile.
The expression of parents' love for their children is actually a very important thing, and children who often hear their parents say "I love you" will be very different from those children who rarely feel their parents' love.
Often say "I love you" to the child, the child is happier and more cheerful
Liang Qichao is not only a well-known thinker and politician in modern and modern times on the mainland, but also a very "trendy" "alternative father".
When he was with his 9 children, he often hung the word "love" on his lips, and wrote more than 400 family letters to his children in his lifetime, sprinkling more than a million words.
Liang Qichao wrote in his family letter: "You must know that your father is the most emotional person, and for your love, twelve points strong. ”
It is precisely because of Liang Qichao's loving education method that 9 children have been surrounded by happiness since childhood, and have become talents when they grow up, with the reputation of "one discipline and three academicians, nine sons are talented".
Sukhomlinsky once said: "We must carefully protect the hearts of children like dew on a lotus leaf." ”
In the process of children's growth, parents can often say "I love you", which will increase the child's happiness and security, help them develop a more cheerful personality, and be more confident when encountering difficulties.
And from an early age to live in a loving environment, the child will become more confident, interpersonal skills are stronger, never stingy kindness to others, because in the process of his growth, has been nourished by "love", has already absorbed sufficient nutrients.
Children who rarely feel the love of their parents will have a lack of security
Some time ago, her colleague Linlin was very upset, she found that her daughter was always cautious when getting along with herself, and even learned to "observe words and see colors" at a young age.
Once, when her daughter accidentally spilled the milk, she was so frightened that she didn't even dare to look at Linlin, and said with a crying voice: "Mom, I'm sorry, I know I was wrong." ”
However, Linlin rarely lashed out at her daughter and never said a word of gravity.
Later, she was taken to psychological counseling, and Linlin learned that because she had been fostered in her grandmother's house for a year, her daughter had been worried about whether she would be abandoned by her mother, and her heart was full of anxiety.
So when getting along with Linlin, the daughter will always become nervous subconsciously, afraid of making a little mistake and being forced to leave her mother' side.
Although Linlin does not love children, because of the long separation, children rarely feel the love from their parents, and there is still a misunderstanding: once they behave badly, they will be sent back to their grandmother's house.
In fact, many "Chinese parents" are not good at expressing, although "silent love" is equally valuable, but it is easy to cause misunderstandings among simple children.
Because they rarely feel the love of their parents, children will mistakenly think that their parents do not love him, lose their sense of security, and their personality has become introverted and sensitive, even when they grow up, they do not know how to correctly express their emotions, not only the interpersonal relationship is affected, but the parent-child relationship is also difficult to be too close.
If you love your child, you must be brave enough to say it
Children not only need parents to care for and love, but also need to feel their accurate expression of love, we may wish to bravely say "I love you" in the process of getting along with children.
Some parents may feel embarrassed, used to teaching their children with negative words, and are embarrassed to open their mouths when expressing positive emotions.
In fact, "everything is difficult at the beginning", in the eyes of simple children, a sentence of "I love you" may not be as complicated as we think, but simply express love.
Of course, love is not a simple three words, but also need us to pay real action, carefully accompany the child, only get along for a long time, in order to let the child feel more of our love, in the process of growing up, more secure, happy, more cheerful personality.
epilogue:
Expressing love for children is actually very simple, but because the traditional culture of the mainland is "implicit beauty", many parents are not accustomed to direct expression.
I hope that everyone can usually express more love to children, so that children feel surrounded by love, starting from bravely saying "I love you".
Today's topic: Do you usually say "I love you" to your children?