Feelings are a key to marriage, but it is only a key. What happens inside the door is by no means what the key can decide.
Many couples come together because of love, but after getting married, they find that the two have nothing but love.
Of course, the "things" here are not real materials, but the way husband and wife get along represented by loyalty, trust, and respect.
Getting along with husband and wife is a science.
Everyone is a different individual, and their thoughts, spirits, and three views are different. To come together, or even to accompany each other for a lifetime, it takes not only emotional fit, but also the persistence and wisdom to fight against human nature.
After the dopamine of love dissipates, the shortcomings of the two will be exposed.
And human nature is selfish, and we all aspire to the good. After discovering that their lover is worse than they thought, people often choose silent resistance, fierce blame, unrealistic fantasies, and cowardly escape.
However, none of these actions are of any use.
Resistance will only bring the relationship to an impasse; blame will only hurt each other; excessively beautiful fantasies will bring absolutely heartbreaking despair; cowardly escape will not solve any problems, it will only make people's lives twist and turn.
If you want to run a happy marriage, you have to learn to fight against human nature, and having this wisdom is more important than anything else.
Fight against the sensitivity of human nature: you don't have to ask each other questions, you have to account for everything, and you give a sufficient sense of security
"Love is not a fairy tale, there is no eternal sense of security in life, it is normal for problems to occur, even if it is a very loving couple, they will experience many divorce crises in their lives." 」
Sensitivity is the weakness of human nature. Because of our sensitivity, we are more able to empathize with others and appreciate the difficulties of others. Under the blessing of love, sensitivity will make people lose their sense of security.
When the lover's behavior is beyond our "control", we will be flustered, will think wildly, and can't help but want to know the truth of the matter.
These are normal. After all, very few people don't care at all what their partner does.
What is abnormal is that because of this "sensitivity", hysterical and desperate questioning, do not leave a little personal space for the other party.
One of my colleagues, Peach, and her husband got along in a way that is worth learning:
Peach and her husband have little secrets in their hearts, but Peaches says that these secrets are actually harmless, and neither of them cares.
Because the two love to share everything in life, they explain things clearly before the other party asks questions, eliminating the possibility of a crisis of trust.
It is precisely because the other party has given them a sense of security that they are more full of expectations for this marriage, and they also firmly believe that there is no difficulty in defeating each other's feelings.
The wisest way for husband and wife to get along is to take the initiative and not to ask questions.
Not to say that every day to share the bits and pieces of life, but when encountering things, both of them must learn to take the initiative to account and explain in time. In this way, the frequency of each other's tension can be greatly reduced and the friction in the marriage can be reduced.
In addition, when we find that the other party has something to hide, we can ask, but we can't press forward. Give each other a little more time and space, know it with affection, and move it with reason, and there will be unexpected surprises. You know, only when you calm down, can you let the other party be calm. Otherwise, it will only make each other's emotions lose control, and the marriage will naturally have a rift.
Fight against the selfishness of human nature: not biased, not protective of shortcomings, every expense is negotiable, and can respect each other
"The happiness of marriage is not based entirely on eminent status and possessions, but on mutual reverence."
Chicken and dog fragments are the daily life after marriage, and the big things that really change the trajectory of life rarely happen. Most of the contradictions between husband and wife are nothing more than discord over money.
Either because the money is earned less, it is because the distribution is uneven.
In the former, we can use our efforts to fill the deficiencies, and the two of them work together to achieve wealth freedom sooner or later.
But the latter is a test of the human heart.
Some people are selfish, only thinking about themselves, and if the lover spends a little more money, he will be angry; some people are too eccentric and blindly help their relatives, but ignore the feelings of their partners. These will frustrate the couple's feelings, and seriously lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
Understand that both men and women, once married, should focus their lives on their own small families. It may be cruel to say, but the only thing that really accompanies you for a lifetime is your lover.
Linlin's husband recently got into a divorce because Linlin quietly gave the family's 100,000 savings to her brother, saying that she supported his family to buy a house.
Relatives help each other, which is nothing.
Linlin's husband was angry that Linlin took the family's savings without consulting him. And he remembered that a while ago his own sister came to borrow money, no matter how much he persuaded and discussed, Linlin was not willing to borrow.
This "double standard" behavior made Linlin's husband feel extremely angry. He felt that Linlin's heart was not in this family at all, and Linlin did not take her husband in her eyes at all.
Linlin's husband would be so angry, and it was understandable. After all, money is earned by two people together, so why should you be the only one who can decide?
To a lesser extent, this is eccentricity. To put it more broadly, this is disrespect.
True respect is to be able to speak out before making any decision. Everything is discussed and is one of the wisest ways for couples to get along. It can invisibly resolve the contradictions between husband and wife, and make each other's hearts wide.
Between husband and wife, the most comfortable way to get along is nothing more than that you reassure me and I treat you as my own.
In a happy marriage, feelings are indispensable, and security and respect are also indispensable.
Use wisdom to make choices and make efforts to operate with heart. I believe that in the near future, you will have everything you want.
A hundred years of repair to cross the same boat, a thousand years to repair a sleep together. Fate is not easy to come by, and the establishment of marriage also requires great fate. It would be a pity if the marriage was broken by losing the person you loved most because of a momentary negligence.
May everyone find happiness and leave no regrets.