1. A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous."

1. A man goes to a woman's house to fool around when her husband is not at home, but the woman's husband returns home early. When the doorbell rang, the man was frightened, but the woman said calmly, "Don't be nervous, get dressed and wait a while." Then, she took a bag of garbage from the kitchen and walked to the door, opened the door and said, "Honey, before entering the door, will you take this bag of garbage out and throw it away?" Then by the time her husband entered the door again, the man was already dressed and left safely. On the way home, the man thought, this woman is so smart.

2. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

3. I am the position of vice president in the company, often go to other places for business trips, the company assigned a car and a driver. I looked at the driver who had been driving for four or five hours, and I said to the driver: You rest, I will hold the meeting! As a result, the driver was lying in the co-pilot for only ten minutes, suddenly woke up, and shouted: My steering wheel! A cry woke me up.

4. After Dad became the leader of the company, he traveled to other places once every three days. Mom was bored at home alone, so I bought her a Satsuma dog. The mother gave the dog a common name, called "bun", saying that it was a common name, easy to raise. That time, the bun sneaked out of the house when we were not paying attention, and my mother was frightened and told me to go out and look for it in the community. As I walked in the neighborhood, I shouted, "Buns!! bun!! Suddenly, the window of a building opened: "Sell buns, bring me 5 meat buns, and then a cup of soy milk!" ”

5. The husband and a male colleague went to Henan on a business trip and could not return until half a month later. Today, my husband called me to say that he and his colleagues came back by train in the early hours of the morning. I drove to pick him up, and my husband came out of the train station, saw me, and pretended not to know. He said to me: Beauty, it's so late, it's not safe to be outside alone, or I will send you home? I stepped forward and took my husband's arm and said, "It's so late, it's not safe to go to my house, or go to your house!" At this time, my husband's colleague quietly said to him: Brother, you can rest assured, I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything, I left first!

6. The flight attendant is attracted to a rich man when flying an international flight. The rich man drove the Maybach and took a gift to mention to his relatives: "Although my son is not very good-looking, but we have money, if you marry him, you can enjoy the riches." The next day, a poor family also came to ask for relatives, saying: "My son is of good character, handsome, and he is one of the best in a hundred, that is, his family is poor, and there is no overnight food at home." The stewardess's father said to her: "You don't have to say which one you want, just use your bare arms to show it. The stewardess smiled faintly, slowly revealing her left arm, and then her right arm. Her father asked her in surprise, "What do you mean by that?" The flight attendant said slowly, "This is very simple, I am willing to go to the rich to eat, to the poor people's homes to stay overnight..."

7. A horror detective movie is being filmed. The director came to explain to the heroine: "This scene is going to shoot this young man rushing into your room, holding you, tying you with a rope, and then he kisses you wildly!" The heroine listened for a moment and asked curiously, "Is this man tall and handsome?" The director smiled and said, "Of course! Why are you asking this? The heroine looked at the director with excitement and said, "Well, he doesn't need to tie me up!" ”

8. Toothache is not a disease, it hurts really badly. Toothache for several days, eat in the morning, ask for a bowl of ravioli, think of this soft, no tooth. Just as I was eating the last ravioli, the tooth that had been sore for a long time fell directly into the spoon. The boss just happened to pass by with the ravioli at the next table, looked at the teeth in my spoon, and was stunned. They are all old neighbors, afraid that he will think too much, and quickly said: Big brother, don't be afraid, my teeth fell out on their own, don't blackmail you.

9. When I came home today for the Chinese New Year, my little nephew was there. My mother was very fond of her grandson and bought him a bunch of snacks that my little nephew liked to eat. I reached up and teased him to give me some food, but he refused, and I pretended to be angry and said that I would steal all the food for you when you were asleep. After a while, I heard my little nephew crying loudly, crying and shouting: I can't open my eyes, I want to sleep, but I can't sleep, my sister-in-law will steal all my snacks when I sleep...

10. Last month, a new flight attendant moved in next door, and often came to me to borrow some small things, and it was familiar with it when she came and went. Last night she knocked on my door after drinking too much and said to me, "I like you, are you my boyfriend?" I said, "I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend." The stewardess cried and said to me, "I don't believe it, you must have lied to me." "So I looked at the black screen of my mobile phone, which is really embarrassing!"

11. Since I was a child, I have liked Mr. Jaylen's songs, and I am a loyal iron fan, especially his "Double Stick" can be liked. When I was in elementary school, I secretly saved up money to buy it, and I played a big game. In the end, the boss confiscated my money and gave me a hundred yuan, saying that I was a cruel person and asking me to go to the hospital to see my full bag. Now that so many years have passed, I have always suspected that the double-cut stick was invented by the hospital!

12. At that time, we had a couple here who were lazy and didn't want to go to work, so they secretly hid in the attic on the third floor of their home to sell lottery tickets, claiming that there was no one at home. The iron gate itself is tightly closed, there are iron doors on each floor, and cameras are set up everywhere, and the bud rice does a good job. That day, plainclothes quietly went up to the third floor and caught them all. When their father visited the prison, they learned that their father had come to help clean up and opened all the doors.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #