My boyfriend has been working overtime a lot lately, and I'm very upset with him: Honey, you're really hard, I swear, I'll be nicer to you in the future and never lose my temper with you again. My boyfriend said to me: You can quit

My boyfriend has been working overtime a lot lately, and I'm very upset with him: Honey, you're really hard, I swear, I'll be nicer to you in the future and never lose my temper with you again. My boyfriend said to me: You can quit the habit of not eating meat for a day, I believe you. In order to prove himself, he quit fiercely for most of the day, but these two people actually ate roast pig's trotters in front of me. Whining! It's time to take out the octopus balls and fish steaks that I secretly ordered in the morning.

2. Last night, I went to the old man's house with my wife to visit the old man, and stayed overnight at night. When I got up this morning, my wife said to me: You folded the quilt! Me: How come it's me again? Wife: It's like a well-meaning person leaving you to spend the night, and then you put the landlord's daughter to sleep! Let you fold a quilt and wronged you! I......

3. The day after I got married, I went to the matchmaker and asked her loudly: "Did you say that the ladies had a Husband?" "Matchmaker: Yeah, isn't it? Me: It's a fart, she started yelling at me when she got out of bed today. Matchmaker: That's right, I said Wang, the dog barks "Wang", that is, barks at you like a dog, yes. I:

4, the wife mobile phone screen accidentally broken, to change one, checked the phone on the Internet to sell 2450 yuan, and then I asked a friend who sold mobile phones, he said to sell 2250, formal procedures. This morning I went to his mobile phone store, to see that the mobile phone is not bad, there are regular invoices, I think it is less than two hundred yuan less than the Internet, or a good drop, I bought it. As soon as I came out of the store, I really couldn't believe my eyes, and there was a $200 ticket for illegal parking posted on the window

5, when I went to a hotel on a business trip, I found that the smell of cigarettes in the room was very large, so I called the front desk, and the front desk replied: "Please wait, immediately send someone to do smoke-free treatment for you." "After a while, a waiter came in, opened all the windows in the room, and left.

6. In the first year of junior high school, there was a child near his home who was beaten up by his father on the first day of the New Year.　　The boy stole one of his father's cigarette boxes, pulled out all the tobacco with tweezers, stuffed a small firecracker, and carefully backfilled the tobacco and put it back in the box.　　His father ordered it casually, and smokers knew that they would usually take a sharp sip at the last point of smoking, so they heard a noise, and their lips were decisively swollen.　　What is a pit daddy, this is called a pit daddy!

7, my husband and I were in love at first sight, and we got married in half a month. Now that I am pregnant with our baby, my husband takes good care of me every day. When I go to bed at night, my husband often wipes my stomach and says: This child is the best gift from Heaven. I said, "What about me?" Husband: You are the best courier in charge of giving gifts...

8, I take good care of the goddess, she does not like me! This night I asked her out to go shopping again, and I planned to say it one last time, but I gave up. We walked side by side on the main road, and after some struggle I finally plucked up the courage to hold the goddess's hand. Unexpectedly, the goddess looked at me, angrily threw away my hand, and everyone around me looked at me, very embarrassed. Fortunately, I was resourceful, and quickly stepped forward to hand the purse to the goddess, and then grabbed the goddess's hand and said, "Come and see, this man stole my wallet!" ”

9, at night on the road, I saw the back of a petite girl with long hair. I wanted to catch a glimpse of her, so I walked over quickly. The girl heard footsteps behind her, startled, turned around, and heard only 'Ah! There was a cry, but the road was empty! "Ghosts!" The girl was frightened and ran away screaming desperately. Then, I was left alone in the sewers for the night! Alas, damn the manhole cover thief!

10. I run a small handicraft shop, selling souvenirs for domestic and foreign tourists. One of the items was three monkeys climbing on a rope, one covering their mouths, one covering their eyes, and one covering their ears. This means not to speak, not to look at incivility, not to listen. This pendant hangs on the door. One day, a small child looked at the pendant and said, "I know what these monkeys are doing." The top monkey covers his mouth with his hand to tell the monkey below that there is nothing good to eat on it. The monkey in the middle covered his eyes was remorseful and climbed up. The monkey at the bottom covered his ears with his hands and said louder, I couldn't hear it. ”

1 Cousin went to the market to buy Wang Ba, only to be bitten off by Wang Ba, and the stall owner lost more than 800,000 yuan. My cousin was particularly happy after recovering from his injuries and invited us to eat hot pot at Xianhezhuang. We took some beer, and a buddy suddenly asked: Is there anyone who drinks white? We all shook our heads, and he said, "Don't you all drink white?" Then I'll drink it. After we listened, we all silently cast admiring eyes. Then he said to the boss: Boss, bring me a bottle of nutrition express...

12, "Doctor, my son always says that he is a dime at home every day, is he sick?" "It's not a disease, he's a child learning change." Your son is really not out, my son is different, every day at home he says that he is a hundred pieces. Doctor: What do you mean? "You don't understand what it means, this is what I learned, so he is a father!" Hahahahahahaha!!!haha

13, "Stop, you wear a skirt for the exam, are you writing a small copy on your thigh!" "Teacher, this can be guessed by you, Mo... Could it be that you are the one who came over? "Come on, fart, the whole school is a boy who wears a dress on the exam."

14, the cousin is about to take the college entrance examination, he wanted to apply for the Academy of Fine Arts, but the uncle did not agree: "There is no art foundation, can not choose!" The cousin kept begging, and he almost knelt down, but the uncle said: "You can't choose without an art foundation!" The cousin was forced to be helpless, pointed to the award on the wall and said: "Who said I have no foundation?" Since the fifth grade of elementary school, I have drawn them! Who among you sees it as fake? ”