The gap between "back-talking" and "non-verbal" children is obvious after twenty years, and parents don't care

An education expert once said that there are 3 rebellious periods in the growth of children.

The first rebellious period is 2-4 years old, and they will express their initial subjective consciousness through language such as "no" and "only not".

The second rebellious period is 7-9 years old, they begin to have a strong sense of independence, often dissatisfied with the rules of the outside world, sometimes even a little unreasonable.

The third rebellious period is 12-17 years old, they are in adolescence, and they are more interested in the pursuit of individual independence and freedom, and hate all bondage. I remember a survey: when your child grows up, what behavior do you hate most about your child?

More than 75% of parents have chosen to speak up. Talking back seems to have become an unbearable behavior for most parents.

Talking back is actually the awakening of children's self-awareness. Many times, parents will treat their children's back-ups as a sign of disobedience. Try our best to help children get rid of this "bad problem", from verbal suppression to force.

But I never seriously thought about it: Why do children talk back?

Only after a period of rebellion can a child grow into an independent and autonomous individual. Talking back is an act that occurs in every child's rebellious period.

Talking back indicates that the child's self-awareness and dignity have begun to awaken. He began to think for himself, began to express himself strongly, wanted to defend his right to speak, and wanted his parents to see his inner appeal.

Children's rebuttal is not "disobedient", "uncultured" and "deliberately opposed", but they use language to confront their parents, find themselves, and establish their own personality.

02

Allowing children to speak up is a kind of wisdom

I have watched a reality TV show, and the little treasure in it is a child who loves to talk back.

His dad supervised him playing the violin and always liked to hold a brush and point at him to pick faults. This disgusted him, and he couldn't help but angrily say to his father, "Don't point this at me." ”

At a family meeting, Mom and Dad pointed out a lot of his shortcomings together and hoped that he would correct them. He did not show weakness to his parents: "Dad always looks for other people's problems, but never finds his own problems, such as violin, teachers will not, is not good at teaching children, mothers sometimes emotional control is not very good." 」 ”

In several arguments with his parents, he was calm, quick-witted, and straight to the point. It not only expressed his dissatisfaction, but also justifiably poked at the pain points of his parents and made his parents speechless. It has to be admired, even the off-site education expert Hailan can't help but praise: "Children who stand up to their mouths have advantages, one is that the family atmosphere is enlightened, and the other is that children have a very strong ability to think independently in order to stand up to the pain of their parents." ”

Allowing children to talk back to their parents is also a kind of wisdom for parents. The famous educator Liu Yong was very strict about the education of his son Liu Xuan. He often asked Liu Xuan to learn Chinese on holidays, and when Liu Xuan wanted to go out to play, he asked him to pick up pine cones, sweep leaves and clean drains under the eaves.

Liu Xuan felt that his father had nothing to do, so he often talked back to his father and did it.

Once, his father scolded Liu Xuan: "Why are you always so rebellious?" ”

Liu Xuan said with a straight face, "Because I think I'm grown up, I shouldn't listen to you." So you tell me to go left, I'm going to go right, I have my own ideas, I should find myself where I am! ”

It is in this way that Liu Xuan, who has a strong sense of self, has surprised everyone when he grows up.

He ignored his father's objections, studied his favorite psychology, and became a famous psychology expert; he used his quick thinking and rapid reaction trained from years of fighting with his father to enter the media and became a representative of Taiwan's cultural media; he used his character of not accepting defeat, like to try and challenge the unknown, bravely explored his various possibilities, and achieved good results; he went to participate in speech competitions and became the national champion of "I Am an Orator".

His independent, confident, brave, gritty and unyielding character has filled his life with surprises and realized all possibilities.

03

When parents and children are in conflict, don't think of the child as a troublemaker, but as an active participant in solving the problem.

Only by gently guiding and allowing children to feel love and respect can children be willing to communicate well with their parents. Only when parents first learn to change their attitudes can children change their attitudes.

The way parents treat their children with their mouths shuts down hides the way their children fight with the future. Allowing children to resist and stand firmly with children can help children go more steadily and farther on the road to growth.

Source: New Parents Online