The rebellious period of a child can be roughly divided into three, with different manifestations at different ages.
The first rebellious period occurs at the age of two to three, commonly known as the terrible two-year-old, the original obedient baby, transformed into a little demon, will become more and more naughty, crying at every turn, and after this age, the child becomes obedient again.
The second period of rebellion is at the age of seven to nine. At this time, parents will find that the child loves to resist and likes to come against the parents. This is because the child's sense of autonomy is strengthened and does not like to be constrained by the parents.
The third period of rebellion, the period of adolescent rebellion. It usually occurs between the ages of 11 and 18 in the child.
This period of rebellion can also be called a period of severe rebellion, which lasts for 8 years, and is the most obvious of the three periods of rebellion. The child's resistance is also more intense.
Adolescent rebellion period just includes the child's middle and high school stage, the academic burden is relatively heavy, the physical changes are the greatest, and the corresponding discomfort will be generated psychologically, the rebellious period is not a bad thing, but it shows that the child has grown up.
However, different children, the performance of the rebellious period is different, if always manifested as a negative aspect, not only affect the child's growth, the academic and future direction of life are very unfavorable, because parents should pay attention to the child's rebellious period, especially can not be "hard".
The severity of the rebellious period is related to "talking well."
Children who enter puberty think that they have matured, that the stage of talking to their mothers has passed, that they have their own little secrets, and that they begin to resist the concerns of their parents, which is a parent-child crisis.
The secret to surviving this crisis is that parents do a good job of communication, the so-called communication is to speak well, parents and children are actually a game, the initiative is not in the hands of children, and here in the parents, children in the rebellious period are more sensitive, parents sometimes speak heavily, which word is not good, it will cause them to have a strong rebellious psychology, quarrel with parents, cold war, and even run away from home.
Some children with special family environments, such as parental discord, children of single-parent families will also go down a crooked road.
How to cultivate children's correct outlook on life and values? How to make a child's smooth transformation during adolescence? Parents have four taboo points on speaking.
1, do not focus on speaking
The mode of getting along between children and parents is not the first sign of adolescence, to be precise, the shortcomings of communication will completely erupt in adolescence, from the birth of the child, parents should seriously talk to the child, the child got a small red flower in the kindergarten, found an interesting natural phenomenon, Xingchong to find the parents to show the pendulum, the parents' attitude is very important.
Some parents are busy looking at their mobile phones, saying "Oh, I know" or saying "You are awesome" without looking at it, thinking that children can have a big deal, and adopting a perfunctory attitude.
Once this communication mode is formed, the child is reluctant to share anything with the parents, and in the rebellious period, the parents suddenly wake up and begin to talk to the child, but find that there is nothing to say with the child, the child no longer trusts the parents, the communication is powerless, the parents will urgently want to know what the child is thinking, turn the bag, check the mobile phone, will further lead to the child's emotional outburst and reversal.
2. Blindly criticize children
Parents and children are superior and subordinate relationship, but parents should respect this young self-esteem, sometimes one thing, the child has not finished talking to the parents, the parents blindly conclude, this thing you did wrong, how should you do. Sometimes it is clearly not the child's fault, but the parents impose the mistake on the child and make the child aggrieved.
When the child does not get a sense of accomplishment in the parents, he will close the door of the heart, and will not open his heart casually if there is joy or pain in the future, and the most effective way for parents to understand the child is also the least costly way.
It is to talk, from the child's words, you can understand what has happened to the child recently, some parents do not understand the child, although living under the same roof, and the child is like two parallel lines, the child will not treat the parents as the person who wants to talk to the most, once there is a problem, the parents will be crazy.
3, do not consider the problem from the child's point of view
Parents want to accept their children, they must encourage and help their children to express their inner feelings, and children only have to fully trust one person.
Knowing that you can get warmth and feedback from him, you will open your heart without reservation, and the usual attitude of your parents to him determines the smoothness of communication, so if the child confides in one thing, the parents should not always interrupt, or "Why don't you do this"?
This is actually denying him, what should be the right thing to do?
I understand, I understand, what do you think?
Often put these three sentences on the lips, guide the child to say the real idea, from his point of view to consider the problem, "I think you must be very uncomfortable at that time", "I can understand you", this is the friend's perspective to solve the problem, not the parents and superiors, try to ask, which young man will be willing to talk to the boss about the heart?
4, do not discuss major matters with children
In the eyes of parents, the child is a child, he just needs to study well, in fact, the most terrible thing between parents and children is that parents can't see the growth of their children, always treat him as a child, and the child is eager to become an adult, so it is important to participate in the discussion and decision-making of family events.
If parents encounter problems, they can also try to ask their children, instead of you, what will you do?
Maybe the child's ideas are very naïve, but he is very happy to be treated as an adult, and he will try to think more maturely from the perspective of an adult.
Such a child, empathy will slowly strengthen, will consider the hardships of the adult world, when the rebellious period comes, will not only consider themselves, he has a big picture view, and will not make some wayward behavior that makes parents sad.
Write at the end:
Chinese parents express their emotions in a very subtle way, coupled with the pressure of work and life, they neglect to communicate with their children.
This has a lot to do with their growth experience, because their parents are also like this to them, children should be obedient, don't run into trouble, study well, if they don't obey, they will be scolded, and even beaten, busy for a day, where is the time to talk to their children?
But the biggest problem is also in this, parents do not understand the child, the child does not want to be understood by the parents, they rebel period comes, do not know how to deal with, grow up, and the feelings with the parents are also very cold, the formation of a Chinese-style parent-child relationship, care for each other, although they love each other, but do not know how to express.
The child's 11-18 years old is very important, these eight years can reshape a child, but also can destroy a child, so, the sooner and more smoothly the rebellious period, the more beneficial it is to the child, parents please speak well, the child is the most valuable job in your life, you say?