How Parents Face the "14-Year-Old Phenomenon"

A study conducted by British scientists has confirmed that the age at which adolescents are most likely to fight, rebel and learn bad is 14 years old.

British researchers surveyed male participants aged 9 to 35 years old, and the subjects were asked to play computer games. By recording how satisfied or disappointed participants were with the outcome of the game, the scientists analyzed each of them' emotional responses.

It turned out that adolescents were more enthusiastic about risky behaviors that could make them feel stimulated, with 14-year-olds being the most prominent.

Neuroscientists at University College London in the United Kingdom analyzed that "unlike children, adolescents can weigh the pros and cons of their own behavior, but they are more concerned about whether these behaviors can bring them happiness and stimulation, rather than safety or not." ”

Students around the age of 14 typically have the following six psychological characteristics:

01 The sense of self has "grown up", and the awareness of self-expression is enhanced;

02 Immature, speaking of crooked reasoning;

03 Overconfidence forms a conceited psychology;

04 Weak will, poor adaptability, psychological void under pressure appears;

05 Abnormal emotions such as depression, decadence, numbness, and emotional apathy;

06 There are phenomena such as irritability, retaliation, irritability, and irritation seeking.

Although children around the age of 14 have problems of one kind or another. Although 14 years old is a dangerous rebellious period, it is also the best shaping period. ”

In the face of this period, parents usually have the following four manifestations:

1. Many parents will think that this rebellious child is used to torture themselves in this life, which is a typical victim mentality.

2. In the face of a rebellious child, he feels powerless and completely loses the ability to control the child;

3. The child has exhausted the parents, fallen into despair, and at the same time lost confidence and enthusiasm for life;

4. Many parents feel inferior and blame themselves for their incompetence and failure in educating their children.

What should parents pay attention to when dealing with the rebellious problems of their children's play?

1. Unconditionally accept children and love children

Many times the child is not deliberately working against the parents, but due to the family education or physiological reasons in the growth period and the influence of the environment;

Therefore, after parents understand these causes, the first thing to do is to accept and understand the child, and not to complain about the child; but also to know that the rebellious period is only a short period in the process of a person's growth, and it will soon pass;

Therefore, if parents can unconditionally accept and love their children and help their children successfully pass through puberty, your children will love you more and respect you more.

2. Parents should recognize themselves and change themselves

At this point, I hope that parents can pay attention to it, because many parents do not understand themselves in their own growth process. Even if you are not mature, you can't solve problems rationally and objectively when you encounter things.

Even some parents themselves are extremely emotional, without waiting for the child to lose their temper, they will be angry first, then the irrational emotional state of the parents, in the process of educating the child, many times is the fuse that makes the child rebel, because the premise of educating the child is to have a peaceful mentality.

So I hope that parents can change themselves and control their emotional state, so that your education is effective.

3, companionship is the best love

Another psychological characteristic of children in this period is that they are often in a state of confusion and contradiction. Although they feel like they've grown up and want to deal with problems and solve problems like an adult, they lack relevant experience. So many times they are failures, then this failure combined with the typical chaotic ambivalence, let the child's psychological state at this time is very painful.

If parents can accompany their children with unconditional acceptance and love at this moment, the children will feel the warmth of the family, and this warmth will reduce the child's rebellion a lot, so parents can try it.

4, parents should leave a little time of their own

Parents care for their children, but they cannot become their children's nannies, pick up and drop off at school, children read books, accompany themselves, and everything revolves around the children, so that children become dependent.

Parents should take the initiative to find a little time and space to put their children aside for the time being. This is not to ignore the child, but to create a better psychological environment for the child.

Raising children does not mean that parents have to give up personal needs and communication between husband and wife. Taking advantage of this free time, couples have more exchanges and communication, and the harmony of the husband and wife relationship is crucial to family stability.

Many families, it is precisely because the husband and wife are not in harmony, quarrel all day, and even divorce, so that the children are greatly hurt, the image status of parents in the minds of the children is greatly reduced, which should be avoided. In addition, parents need a little free time to do something they like, stay away from the tedious chores and work, adjust their mood, and relax their nervous nerves.

Have a little sense of humor and don't regret your mistakes. Believe in yourself as a good parent. Good at work, good at rest, in order to be better at raising children.

Excerpt from: Parents' Club