Give your child the best education: give him a "needle" when he is young, give him "wings" when he grows up

Yesterday, the neighbor's father and the son of the third grade got into a fight.

The boy who entered puberty was as strong as a cow, and his father was pushed by him to the east and west, and in desperation, his mother panicked and called the police.

When the police pulled the father and son apart, the child cried and cried with excitement: "You hit me first..."

When I asked the reason, it was the child's disobedience to the parents' discipline.

Parents heard that their son had recently gotten close to his female classmates and were worried that his early love would affect his studies.

When eating, the child was emotionally reasonable, and the child was impatient after listening to a few words, and the mother talked back, and also badly dropped the bowl.

Dad was so angry that he raised his hand to teach him, who had thought, this time, the child fought back, and the father was caught off guard.

Mom whimpered, "I've raised something for him to eat and drink, and to offer an ancestor." ”

Disciplining children is never easy.

"Mirror" is the first documentary in China to deeply expose family relationships, and there is a mother who has a particularly bad relationship with her son, she said: "Child, you haven't called me mom for a long time...."

As a parent, sometimes it is really a grievance.

Obviously, strict discipline is for the sake of the child's good, but after doing his best, the child's feedback is more rebellion and resistance.

Parents give love, why harvest the child's hatred?

In fact, it is because the parents manage the wrong time.

There is a saying in "The Courage of Discipline": The luckiest thing to do in raising a child is to give him a "needle" when he is young, and give him wings when he grows up.

I was most afraid that when I was a child, I didn't discipline, and when I grew up, my wings hardened, and I wanted to manage but couldn't control it.

The first point is to discipline the child, and be sure to do it early

Colleagues encounter such troubles.

When they were young, they were reluctant to discipline their children, and now, the family has no way to take their ten-year-old son.

A few days ago, the child was clamoring to buy a remote control plane for more than a thousand yuan, and she refused: "I just bought one for you, how can I buy it again?" ”

The child immediately spread to the ground and rolled, the colleague was angry, spanked the child's ass, who had thought, the child cried: "Help, help me call the police, someone beat the underage." ”

It wasn't until the plane was in hand that the child stopped.

Now, their family is afraid of every day, afraid of the child's unreasonable demands, and even more afraid of the child threatening them.

Nowadays, don't talk about disciplining children, as parents, they are pinched to death by their children.

The study found that:

The obedience of children under 5 years of age to authority is mainly based on behavioral orientation (fear of punishment) and identity orientation (the identity of the other party is an adult);

The obedience of children aged 10-13 to authority is mainly from the perspective of knowledge orientation (it is no longer important whether the other party is an adult or not, but the most important thing is to convince people with reason).

In other words, the younger the child, the better it is because of the fear of being punished; the bigger it is, the more difficult it is to manage, because it is because it is not concede defeat when killed.

Therefore, discipline children must be done as soon as possible, and the sooner rules are formulated for children, the easier it is for children to develop good habits.

Many parents often feel that their children are small, and they can't bear not to meet their children's wishes, and they are even more reluctant to let their children cry.

But true love, as Montessori said:

"Freedom based on rules is true freedom, and just as love based on rules is true love."

An early education expert has taught tips on not allowing children to indulge in television:

"First of all, of course, parents lead by example and watch less TV; second, make rules for their children, the sooner the better."

Experts say that when his son watched TV for the first time when he was more than two years old, he made a rule: "You can only watch three episodes of cartoons."

Of course, the child did not want to, so he forcibly turned off the TV. Children naturally cry.

Grandma was distressed by her grandson: "I have heartache crying, what does it matter if he looks at it more." ”

Experts do not care, but gently and firmly ask children to enforce the rules.

After crying two or three times, the child accepted the rules, and now, every time he watches TV, he consciously turns off after watching three episodes.

Because of the pain of the child, it is up to the child to be willful, and the relationship is really big.

Today, by him, the three-year-old will know that as long as I cry, you will let me watch more TV;

Tomorrow, by him, the five-year-old will know that as long as I make trouble, you will buy me toys;

At the age of ten, the child runs away from home; at the age of fifteen, the child may dare to threaten his parents with suicide!

The older the child, the more daring the child is to test the bottom line of his parents, until he begins to despise his parents' discipline.

The love of parents without boundaries is the most indulgent wound for children.

Parents do not give rules, which is the most terrible harm to children.

The second point is that after the child is 12 years old, parents should learn to show weakness before guidance

Professor Li Meijin of Psychology of The Public Security University said:

"Before the age of six, the nagging and words of the parents are gold, and after the age of twelve, the words of the parents are garbage. Therefore, children's education should be divided into age groups, fighting courage when they are young, and fighting wisdom when they are older. ”

If the child does not develop a good habit of abiding by the rules at an early age, when he is older, his self-awareness gradually increases, and then he encounters a strong sense of self-esteem in adolescence, not to mention that he cannot be scolded, and the child is willing to chat with his parents, which is good.

Therefore, in educating big children, parents should fight for wisdom and show weakness first and then guide.

The father of Wah Wen Carnegie, the Black Young Dragon, once had the son of a Demon King of the Mixed World, with poor grades, and caused trouble all day long.

The helpless black young dragon, who was tossed by the child, began to learn Carnegie communication and mastered the method of educating the child.

Once, the child stole a pair of gloves in the store, and after disposing of it, The Black Dragon asked his son why he stole something?

The child said: "Curious, my classmates will also pick up small things in the store, but they have not been found, and I also want to try it." ”

The Black Young Dragon continued to ask, "Is the lesson you are curious about this time?" ”

The child nodded.

The black young dragon crouched down and said, "You have done something wrong, but this does not mean that you are a bad child, I was more muddy than you when I was a child, it doesn't matter, we can slowly change." ”

After that, the black baby dragon never mentioned this matter again.

Later, the "thief" became a medical doctor and is now the associate dean of the University of Washington School of Medicine.

He wrote to his parents:

"Although I did so many bad things as a child, you have always loved me and have confidence in me, believing that I am a good, talented, and full of great potential.

Your patience and tolerance, and the attitude of never giving up, have made me never give up on myself. ”

In this letter, we can see that for children, parents can enter the child's heart more than nagging and scolding:

1. Show weakness to close the relationship, and parents also miss it when they are young;

2. Accept and understand the child's current emotions;

3. Give your child persistent love and trust.

This has also been scientifically verified, with psychological research stating:

From reasoning to accepting reasoning, the distance between them can be very far.

The child's ability to accept the views of others depends first on the parent's emotions, secondly on the parent's behavior, and finally on the parent's language.

It can be seen that after the child is 12 years old, it is often counterproductive to use the "authority" of the parents to discipline the child.

Show weakness, understanding, trust, and have the opportunity to subtly guide the correct concept to the child.

Good education: give him a needle when he is a child, give him wings when he grows up.

Jin Yunrong, a parenting expert who wrote "Love on the Left, Discipline on the Right", is strict with her son when she is young and gives him wings when she grows up.

As a child, she believed in "discipline in the moment."

Once, her son threw greens on the table, and the father immediately took the child out to "discipline" for 20 minutes before returning to the table.

When the child is older, she advocates taking a step back as a guide.

She sent her son to boarding school abroad when he was a teenager, and when he came back from vacation when he was 15, the child and his mother said, "I kissed 6 girls." ”

Teacher Jin recalled: "I was so frightened that I almost fell off the stool. ”

But she chose to talk affectionately between mother and son, and finally asked: "Do you know that you can't continue to do anything after kissing?" ”

The son replied: "Rest assured, I know, I am not a fool, the teacher said, we are still young, we can not be responsible." ”

Many parents will question Teacher Jin's discipline style, and how can he let his children go?

Teacher Jin said: "We chose a way to let ourselves be lonely, but let go of the way to let the child grow up, love him, and he, because his heart is full of the love and trust of his parents, spread his wings and soar, becoming such an excellent young man today." ”

In fact, children who have been strictly disciplined since childhood are also worthy of their parents' "laissez-faire" guidance when they grow up.

Children who have not been disciplined since childhood will only be difficult when they grow up, and the parent-child relationship will become more and more difficult.

Practice has proved that when you are a child, you will let it go unchecked and try to manage it when you are older; whether it is from the perspective of children's psychological growth or education, it is very wrong and counterproductive.

Education is never easy, and parents must remember:

To love him, we must be willing to be strictly disciplined when we are young, and the needles that should be pierced early; to love him, we must give him wings when he grows up and guide him to fly freely.