Some studies say that a child's brain is close to maturity when it is a teenager.
This means that teenage children have slowly stabilized their behavior habits, ways of thinking and personality characteristics, and they are not easy to change.
But before that, children will experience 3 transitions in behavioral habits and personality traits, which are caused by the rapid development of the brain and body.
These three transition periods generally occur around the age of 3, 7 and 10.
Children of these 3 age groups can easily make parents feel "unbearing" and "naughty", but in fact, this is only a "side effect" of children's growth.
If parents can understand the psychological needs and desires hidden behind their children's "unruly" and "naughty", and respect their children's growth, they can avoid a lot of troubles.
Therefore, in the 3 most important transition periods of a child's life, we must manage it this way!
3 years old, stubborn, anxious "little devil"
When you are just born to the age of one or two, it may be the most well-behaved and cute time in your child's life, ignorant and ignorant, as long as there is something delicious and fun, generally rarely lose your temper.
However, with the development of the child's brain and body, his understanding of external things will be more and more, and his self-awareness will become stronger and stronger, and he will think of everything according to his own will.
So in the period of about 2 to 4 years old, the child's emotions will enter the first period of instability, which can also be said to be the first period of rebellion.
Children at this stage are sometimes particularly "greedy", as long as they see their favorite toys, whether they are their own or not, they are crying and clamoring to take them home;
Sometimes, children are also particularly "alone", do not like others to touch, open their mouths is "leave me alone", "you roll", "do not sleep", special screwba...
Why is that?
Children around the age of 3 begin to have a strong sense of autonomy and become very competitive
At this time, the child feels that he is very great from the bottom of his heart, and always wants to let everything around him come according to his own will.
Children around the age of 3 don't yet know how to express their emotions
For example, he wanted to eat beans with a fork, but his mother had to change a spoon for him, and he was very unhappy;
But I don't know how to express my unhappiness, so I simply express it in the most instinctive way - crying, rolling. So how should children around 3 years old be treated?
Take advantage of your child's sense of competition
If you say to your child, "See you throw this land toy, pack it up for me!" "It is estimated that the child may be indifferent, and even if he cleans up, he is slowly swallowing very reluctantly."
But if you put it another way:
"These toys don't play anymore, do they?" Come on, let's compete and see who throws it into the box fast! ”
At this time, children will generally be very interested. Because at this stage, children love to play and like to interact with their parents.
Say hello to your child in advance
Why is it that it is about to eat, and the child is still crying and does not want to leave in front of the TV? Because it feels bad to suddenly pull the child out of something he is immersed in.
A better way is to greet the child in advance and let the child have a psychological preparation, so that his inner resistance will be smaller:
"Baby, when the long needle of the clock points to 5, we have to go out, you pay attention ha!"
7 years old, love to talk back, love to sing the opposite "little adult"
After the first rebellious period of about 3 years old, the child will usher in a stable period of about two or three years, more well-behaved, lively, and very sensible.
However, from about the age of 7, many children began to enter primary school, new environment, new circles of life, new knowledge, so that children's brains, bodies began a new round of growth.
So at this stage, the child begins to enter the second rebellious period, and some children will continue until the age of 9.
Children in this period always feel that they have grown up and want to make their own decisions about many things, so they often clash with their mothers.
For example, whether it is writing homework or doing other things, children always have bad habits of rubbing and procrastinating, and they can't change it no matter how many times they say it.
Children in this period especially love to participate in "small gangs", always running around with their friends to play, making noise, sometimes even forgetting to write homework, forgetting to eat...
What's even more headache is that you say a few words to him, and he still screams back at you. How to treat children around 7 years old?
Embrace your child's playful nature
Why do children resist and contradict each other? A big reason is that he feels that he is not free, and he feels that his parents always force himself as adults.
7, 8-year-old children, by nature is the time to love to move, love to make trouble, the energy is particularly energetic, must need to play with their friends to vent excess energy, learn to deal with interpersonal relationships, and establish their own small circle.
If parents often use "unruly" and "naughty" as a reason to fight against suppressed children, children will have a great sense of depression, and there will definitely be parent-child contradictions.
In fact, as long as the child completes the homework that should be completed, and there is no danger, we should not interfere too much in the child's play and make trouble.
After all, turning a 7- or 8-year-old into a stuffy gourd who likes to nestle in the house is not a good thing.
Set an example of "playing well" and "learning well"
When the child enters the primary school, the most troublesome thing for parents should be the child's learning.
And in order to motivate children, the most common words are: you look at people XXX, after school honestly study at home, which is like you, like a little crazy person who can't go home...
But in fact, such a "motivation" method emphasizes how much time is spent on writing homework, rather than emphasizing the efficiency of writing homework, and it is easy for children to develop the habit of rubbing and dragging after a long time.
So, we can put it another way:
"Child, your classmates have finished writing their homework and gone out to play, you can also write well, and go out to have fun after writing!"
Protect your child's self-esteem and eliminate negative emotions caused by poor grades
For example, when the child's math score is not good, he is actually very uncomfortable in his own heart, if the parents blindly accuse, the child may be more resistant to mathematics, more unconfident.
A better way is to use the example of the parents when they were young as an introduction, and guide the children step by step.
Child, there is one thing I have not told others, in fact, when my mother was in elementary school, she scored 25 points in mathematics! Haha, not as good as you!
But then I caught up with the help of the teacher! Do you want to know how I caught up?
In this way, the follow-up work is very well carried out.
10 to 12 years old, uneasy and beautiful before maturity
Adolescence, in fact, is very beautiful, children's bodies have undergone earth-shaking changes, and their thinking and understanding have become more and more mature and assertive.
However, why do many parents always think of "rebellion" and "disobedience" when they think of adolescent children?
The reason is also very simple, parents think about themselves: do the elderly in the family sometimes nag you? I think you can't live a life, I think you play with your mobile phone, I think you can't take your children...
At this time, your heart must be annoyed, blurting out a sentence:
"Mom, I'm such an adult, what should I do, I don't know, don't worry about it!" Go up to the square and dance, don't worry about it! ”
In fact, the mood of adolescent children when they are nagged by you is exactly the same as when they are nagged by the elderly!
The adolescent child has begun to change in the direction of adults, he needs respect, needs a little space and secrets of his own, and needs to be democratically treated by parents.
At this time, if parents continue to use the set of children to restrain him and control him, he will definitely resist, resist, and produce a rebellious mentality.
When children begin to enter puberty, the most important thing parents need to do is to win their children's recognition through understanding and respect for their children.
Once the child feels your understanding and respect, the problems in learning and life are too easy to solve, otherwise you have to make trouble with the child.
When the child is not well-behaved and naughty, you think that this is the "side effect" of growth, and the heart will be relieved; then think about it, whether the child has entered a certain growth transition period? This way you will be more comfortable coping.
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