"If you look at who is in someone else's family, how can you take the 100 test, why can you only take the 80 test?"
"I don't care about you anymore!"
"Crying, crying... Just know to cry! Stop crying! ”
"You see your mother getting up early every day and working hard to earn money, is it not for you?" How can you still be so disobedient! ”
……
Many parents, in the name of "good for you", wantonly vent their emotions to their children. The right thing to do is to fundamentally change the way you get along with your child and your attitude.
Don't think of your child as an "object"
Many common situations in many families: I originally want my children to be good, and I pay special attention to my children, but my relationship with my children is getting worse and worse, and my children are more and more reluctant to communicate. When the child grows up, the parents are waiting for the child to say thank you to them, but the child is waiting for the parents to apologize to him.
Such a family, no matter how beautiful the rhetoric in the process of education, and the logic of being on the moral high ground, is actually trying to hide the essence of excessive control of the child as a parent. The desire to control, to put it bluntly, is to turn the child into an object in the depths of the secret heart. Since it is an object, there is no ability to think independently, and children are not allowed to do anything different from what their parents envision, these things can be big or small, as long as they deviate from expectations, they may anger us. Let us say those words that seem to be well-intentioned out of helplessness, but are actually harsh and cruel.
Talk to your child
When a child behaves badly, it's all the child's fault? The child is an independent person. A child's inappropriate words and deeds are only the effect, and the cause often comes from the parent. Education pays attention to teaching by example, and the "cause" of most cases is that parents themselves have not set a good example. However, when the child learns bad behavior and causes "results", the parents in turn ask the child to change it immediately at the first minute of discovery.
Think about how hard it is to change a habit of your own? How to get to the child here is strict to give people only one chance, requiring the child to change immediately, and if he does not change, he will immediately get mad? There's something to say. This is the best cultivation and example for parents, and it is also the most basic requirement for treating children as equal ordinary people.
There are also ways to make rules
When a child appears more than you expect, you need to first screen out: which are small problems, occasionally will not affect the long-term education; which are behavioral problems, to establish clear rules; which are the child's unique personality, without intervention.
Classifying your mind well in advance will reduce the anger and hurt caused by the desire to control, and will also prioritize things that really need to be ruled. Then, put all your communication power into the issue of behavior habits that really need to be disciplined.
When making rules, first describe the objective facts, tell your child the natural consequences of continuing to do so, and then tell him how you feel and what you expect him to do. The whole process uses the words "I see what I see, what I feel, how I wish you could do" and begin with the word "I"; instead of "how can you do it, how do you do this..." Communicate more by describing facts and expressing feelings, reducing subjective accusations and judgments and emotional venting. When faced with the unreasonable demands of children, do not get angry easily, and do not reject them with hostility.
Don't go too far in pursuit of perfection
Parents are not perfect parents, it is inevitable to gaffe, children are not perfect children, it is inevitable to make mistakes. Learn to treat your child with the attitude of treating an equal person. You can use your experience and thinking to guide him and help him, but don't suppress him or force him. What you need to do is accompany him to grow into a person with his own opinions and ideas.
The parent-child relationship based on this is healthier in general and more in line with the friendly relationship mode of people. In this mode, it is naturally not easy to say hurtful words. Don't ask yourself to be perfect, and don't ask your child to be perfect. Instead of carefully summarizing what not to say to the children to avoid hurting the children, it is better to adjust their true attitude towards the children in their hearts.