01
There is an old Chinese saying: seven-year-old and eight-year-old dogs are also suspicious.
No, in the recent hit reality show "Baby's New Friend", Tse Ting-feng's father, Xie Xian, who has attracted much attention, just because he coaxed a 7-year-old vegetarian boy to eat, and the result was that the little boy not only did not eat, but also said:
"All day long is to eat and eat, is to eat ah!"
Xie Xian, who had always had a hot temper, did not hold back, and kicked at the little boy's ass.
Of course, I didn't really kick hard, just scare.
And the attitude of most netizens is: children are so rude to the elders, they should be educated, they can't always get used to it, and they play well!
I think this is also the attitude of most parents when they face their children's rebuttal and rebellion.
Some parents will even say angrily: So young, I have raised a white-eyed wolf.
Whether it is a white-eyed wolf, The mother does not know.
All I know is that German psychologists once said that children who can really argue with their elders tend to have more potential in growing up.
02
In 2012, the results of a study by psychologists at the University of Virginia in the United States also confirmed that children who often talk back to their parents are less likely to have bad behaviors such as drug abuse and underage drinking than the so-called obedient children who are docile and obedient.
Therefore, when parents are angry with their children, they should not feel that this is a very evil behavior, but should be regarded as a kind of training for their children's growth.
After all, children who love to talk back have the following ten potentials in the process of growing up!
1. Children who love to talk back are more intelligent
Refuting the words of the parents, and replying to them with reason, needs to be processed through thinking.
For children, it is a process of logical cultivation, and generally children who love to talk back are logical and more sensitive.
2. Children who love to talk back are braver
Talking back and upsetting parents often means being punished.
However, the child still chooses to resist, indicating that he has prepared for the worst and is very courageous. Such children are often not afraid of authority, and appear more courageous and responsible.
3. Children who will resist are more independent
Relevant studies have shown that 80% of children with strong resistance have strong independent judgment ability when they grow up; only 24% of children with weak resistance can act on their own when they grow up. Children who can resist tend to have more independent potential.
4. Children who can resist are more able to sort out right and wrong
Children's judgment of right and wrong has always been incomparably accurate, and they will follow what they think is right in their hearts. Talking back is a way for him to defend his position.
5. Children who can resist are more able to protect themselves
Adults are not necessarily right, nor are they necessarily friendly.
Many times, the only person who can protect the child is himself. Being able to resist is also an ability to protect oneself.
6. Children who will resist are physically and mentally healthier
As long as it is emotional, it needs a catharsis.
A child who suppresses his emotions is often prone to a backlog. For example, depression, mania, etc. On the contrary, talk back and express your inner feelings, so that children are often healthier physically and mentally.
7. Children who will resist are more innovative
Talking back is a manifestation of flexible thinking, and because of this, such children tend to be more creative and innovative.
8. Children who can resist are more capable of solving problems
Because there are differences, there are debates.
Argument is about solving problems, and children who will resist in the process are often more likely to improve their ability to solve problems because of these experiences.
9. Children who can resist are more able to express themselves verbally
Children who talk back are more able to express their thoughts and emotions, because it is often said that oral expression ability is generally not bad.
10. Children who can resist are more socially capable
Children who can resist are more aware of different concepts and arguments, but can respect each other and listen to each other's opinions. Such children often handle interpersonal relationships well and their social skills are relatively strong.
All in all, a child who can resist is not a well-behaved child in the traditional sense, but it does not mean that he is a child who has not appeared!
That's why the Hamburg psychologist Dr. Angelica Fass says that the debate between generations is an important step on the path to adulthood for the next generation.
03
So, does this mean letting go of the hard-talking kids?
Of course not.
As the saying goes: The heart has a precept, and the action has a stop.
The purpose of our education is to build this precept so that children can understand "doing something and not doing something.".
When the child is talking back, we can guide it like this:
1. First identify with the other party's feelings, if the emotions are out of control at that time, apologize to the child first, and then express their feelings;
2. After both parties have calmed down, they will express each other's views and guide the child to communicate correctly;
3. Don't say to your child: You are wrong.
Effective education, instead of telling him "this is wrong", tell him "what is right".
In addition, if each other is reasonable and does not want to compromise with each other, then respect each other, reserve opinions, and seek common ground while reserving differences.
4. Parents should usually lead by example and not force their will and feelings into their children.
Especially for those children who are unreasonable, parents should be even more so.
Always remember that instead of telling your child what kind of person you want to be, you should be that person yourself.
Teaching by example is always the most advanced effective education!
04
In addition, parents should understand that talking back is a normal phenomenon that will occur in the growth of most children.
Children grow up with three rebellious periods.
The first rebellious period of 2-4 years old: they will express their initial subjective consciousness through "no", "only is not", etc.;
7-9 years old quasi-adult period: began to have a strong sense of independence, sometimes even a little unreasonable, always think that they have grown up;
The third rebellious period at the age of 12-17: not to mention adolescence, the pursuit of independence and freedom of the individual is even worse, and hates all bondage.
In the face of children in these three periods, parents need to show full patience and tolerance.
Most importantly, be sure to keep up with the pace of your child's growth.
Because of the unsynchronized growth, it will be the most heart-wrenching pain in the parent-child relationship.
In the documentary "Zero Zero", Meng Meng grew up, and at the age of 13, she began to enjoy her private space, disliked the things arranged by her parents, and even refused to talk to her parents.
It was a very normal growth change, but it was difficult for Meng Meng's mother to accept it.
Every time she faces the current girl who is "rebellious", "counter-mouthed" and "indifferent", she can't help but miss the little cuteness of her "little bird-dependent", "pitiful" and "incomparably dependent" parents when she was a child.
Sometimes I even see the places that I walked and passed with my children when I was a child, and the food we ate together, and the tears brushed on the ground.
However, she forgot that each stage of life is precisely because it will disappear, so the existence of each stage will be meaningful.
And Meng Meng, because of this reaction of her parents, has been depressed because she can't understand, she said: I don't understand why my parents are so sad! If I could, I'd like to go back in time because I'm growing up now and not as happy as I was when I was a kid.
In real life, many times, it is not the child who resists, rebels, and becomes "bad"!
It's that the child grows up, but you stay when he is a child.
Here, Jiao mama hopes that every parent can understand: only by not indulging in the past can we have the strength to continue to move forward with our children.
We can not be great, but don't let yourself become a heavy burden that drags down your child's growth.