The child's grandmother especially likes the way the mother next door disciplines the child, saying that her son, when he is disciplined, is always particularly obedient, beaten and only dares to cry, does not dare to argue, does not dare to refute, let him stand on the wall for half a day, he stands for half a day, as long as the mother does not speak to let him stop, he does not dare to move, it is like a marionette.
When Grandma disciplines her, she often likes to find loopholes in her speech, and then begins to argue and fight back, and whenever Grandma will angrily say, "Is it that My mother did not teach you well, so ignorant, and she learned to resist at a young age."
I can understand Grandma's mood. Comparing adults is to face. When adults discipline children, children resist, and it is easy to annoy adults and feel that their authority has been challenged. Naturally, he likes to charge his children with "disobedience", ignorance, and filial piety.
Will your child refute and retort when he is taught? What do you think in your heart when your child retorts? Will it be like my child's grandmother who is so angry and corrupt that she doubles the number of children?
In the eyes of the older generation, most people think that children's love to argue and resist is a bad thing, and it is a manifestation of children's ignorance and not being well-behaved.
But in fact, the child's love to resist is a manifestation of the development of the child's self-awareness. From this point of view, it is not a bad thing.
The child's self-consciousness begins to sprout teeth from the age of two, and the child in this period begins to have self-awareness and boundaries in matter and thought.
The main manifestation is that in the material, it begins to be divided into "your things" and "my things", and in terms of thought, it will also distinguish "your thoughts" and "my thoughts".
When the child begins to argue with his parents, it just shows that the child's self-awareness has developed to a certain extent, and he can not only distinguish his own ideas, but also know how to defend his own ideas.
At this time, it shows that the child has her own independent thoughts, she longs for her ideas to be respected, and hopes to communicate with parents on an equal footing.
If parents know how to respect their children's ideas, give their children the right to argue, and form a parent-child model of two-way communication, it is conducive to the healthy development of children's self-awareness.
There is a way: the debate between generations is, for the next generation, the first step on the road to adulthood.
Children and parents resist or argue that there are at least three aspects worthy of parental pleasure. Let's take a look.
Children love to refute, indicating that self-awareness develops better
From the beginning when the child is 2-3 years old and has self-awareness, he likes to "say no" in various ways to construct his own consciousness and thoughts. When children start to talk back, it is actually a way to "say no" to parents. This shows that he has his own views on some things, and he is eager to express these ideas and hopes to be taken seriously.
The child dares to argue or resist, indicating that such a child is more independent, confident, and assertive, and his self-esteem has developed relatively well since childhood.
Allowing children to argue or resist can avoid the one-way indoctrination of thoughts and form a two-way collision of ideas.
Parenting is not to force and suppress children to accept our ideas, but to use good methods to guide children to start their own brains, develop their own independent thinking mode and thinking mode, after all, they are facing the future world, there are infinite possibilities, our generation of limited insights and concepts, can not reach their far away.
Therefore, when you say anything, the child will follow you to the end of the "only promise", which is not necessarily a good thing. As a parent, you should be wary of whether you force your child to accept your thoughts and concepts too much, so that your child gradually loses his own opinion, thinking ability and judgment.
Children dare to refute it, indicating that the family education method is relatively democratic
Children who dare to refute or put forward their own opinions show that your family parenting style is more democratic, so that children dare to express their own views.
In authoritarian families, parents see themselves as authorities on high. Everything is engaged in "one word", their own decision, the child can only acquiesce or obey, dare not argue, let alone resist.
If the child has a little disobedience, he will be reprimanded and punished at every turn, and when the child is small, he feels weak, and in the face of strong parents, he can only be forced to submit, such a parenting style, in the short term, seems to raise a well-behaved child.
But when a child reaches adolescence and his sense of self awakens further, he may redouble his efforts to release his oppressed self in more "rebellious" ways.
And democratic families, unless they touch on safety and bottom-line issues, rarely use coercion and repression to make children obey, they will treat children in an equal way, like to discuss with children in everything, encourage children to express their views in life, and encourage children to make their own decisions. Of course, you can also tolerate children arguing and refuting.
Children love to argue, indicating that they have good critical thinking ability and expression ability
For example, my family's Ai Yang, when her grandmother said her, she could always catch the flaws in it, and then a pair of small mouths humorously counterattacked, so that Grandma always got angry at the end, but was laughed at, and finally had to say, "Well, if I obey you, small sample." ”
In fact, I think this is also a kind of ability, especially in today's society, expression ability and interpersonal skills are becoming more and more important, and children learn to argue and refute, which is really not necessarily a bad thing.
Many times, as parents, we will envy others to raise a confident, independent and assertive child. However, he does not know how to guide his children to develop the ability to think independently from an early age, and he cannot stand the child's arguments.
Some children in life, when things happen, either always like to keep silent, or like people, do not dare to easily express their opinions, and extend to the school classroom, and even dare not actively raise their hands to answer questions, which is mostly related to the children's daily life when they express their views or refute their parents, they are hit by parents.
Encourage children to express their opinions in life
If you want to cultivate children with independent opinions and independent thinking ability, you may wish to encourage children to participate in more big and small things at home, and express their own views, giving children a relaxed and free speech environment, which is conducive to exercising children's independent thinking ability from an early age.
Usually, when I communicate with Ai Yang, I usually say these words, "Do you have any reason to convince me", "Can you tell a joke to convince me", "What is your opinion on this matter"...
The word is: I don't agree with what you say, but I defend your right to speak. No matter how young the child is, we must also treat him as an independent individual, so that he has the right to speak, so that he will be confident and independent in the process of growing up, have a strong sense of self-esteem and self-identity, and when he grows up, he will not blindly submit to authority and form the habit of thinking independently and innovatively, which are the necessary qualities of excellent people.
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