Ling Ling was originally a little girl who could speak the Tao, but due to her mother's work adjustment, her mother sent her back to her hometown to live with her grandparents for a while, and when she picked up the child again, she found that the child had become silent.
It took a long time for the mother to help the child adjust the state back, and through talking with the child, she understood the reason why the child became silent.
The child said that because her grandparents love to watch TV, when she goes to talk to her grandparents, they always deal with themselves casually, and after a long time, she is reluctant to take the initiative to talk to her grandparents.
The child also said that grandparents always say words such as "eating and sleeping without speaking", "children who learn well do not like to talk", and "children who know what to go to". After a long time, Ling Ling himself slowly felt that it was not a good thing to love to talk, and gradually became silent.
Therefore, don't envy other people's families to have a savvy, lively and cute child, if your child is too silent and not talkative, parents should first examine the environment in which the child usually lives. Create an environment conducive to the development of children's language skills, so that children's expression skills can be well developed.
Avoid "disruptive" conversations
When listening to children share, not only listen carefully and patiently, but also listen with purpose.
Many times, the chat with the child is actually a destructive or blame chat, like the Lingling grandparents who are impatient to listen to the child's speech, and will also discourage the child's enthusiasm for conversation, that's it.
Living in such a family, the child was very active in expressing his views at the beginning, but he did not expect that when he spoke at the beginning, it was easy to provoke the rebuke and criticism of the parents, and he would "talk to death" to the sky.
Most of the parents of the older generation like obedient and quiet children. In their view, such a child, what the adult says is what it is, the child never expresses opinions, does not refute, does not argue the best, otherwise in their view, talkative children like to talk back, will be regarded as ignorant, unfilial.
Talkative children, love to argue, when adults say that children are not children, it is easy to be angry, and then criticize, reprimand, correct the child.
Under such repression and blows, the child naturally becomes more and more silent and dislikes talking more and more.
But when the child does not like to talk, these parents do not realize that it is their own problem, and in turn blame the child, they will say "how this child is so introverted and restrained" and "how can this child not tell the parents about anything".
So, let's look at what are blame-type or disruptive conversations?
For example: Why + negative information - why did you fail the test?
How many times have you said + negative accusations - how many times have you said it, or do not take the initiative to wash your hands before meals?
Why are you so disobedient + negative criticism - why are you so disobedient and always do not take the initiative to put away the toys?
Blame-type questioning, in fact, parents are venting their emotions, in fact, in disguise, they are hinting at the child, "How can you be so bad, even this can not be done", which will make the child feel that he is very bad, very failed, immersed in frustration, it is difficult to think about how to solve things, or how to do better next time
In fact, there are many reasons behind the child's behavior deviation, but when the child does not meet our expectations, our primary consideration should not be how the result of the last time, but how to promote the child's growth, so we need to have a constructive conversation with the child, guide the child to find a way to solve the problem, or guide the child to think about how to do better next time, such as telling the child, how do you think you can do better next time.
Pay attention to your child's feelings when listening
Don't look at the child is small, but he will also encounter various troubles in the process of growing up.
Many small things in the eyes of parents may cause fluctuations in children's emotions and produce very negative emotions.
The child is willing to take the initiative to tell the parents that he trusts the parents and hopes to get some support and advice from them.
We must not only listen to what the child says on the surface, but also in the process of hearing, speculate on the child's thoughts: What feelings does the little guy want to express to me?
While listening to the child, we carefully understand and think about the thoughts and feelings behind the content of the child's words, and then tell the child about their understanding and feelings, and ask the child for verification, so that it is easier to find the reason for the child's emotions and help the child channel emotions.
Usually, in life, when we talk to children, it is always easy to be biased towards teaching children and ignoring children's emotions. As everyone knows, the child's emotions are not appeased, and the preaching children cannot listen to it, and the effect is certainly not good.
Create a free-speech family environment for children
No matter how young the child is, he is also an independent individual and has freedom of speech.
Put children in an equal position, in family life, when children actively express their opinions and ideas, parents do not hit, or even blame, such as do not say words like "adults talk children do not interject", "children know what the family understands", more encourage children to participate in family affairs, actively express their own views, children will prefer to actively express their own ideas.
In the eyes of children, they trust their parents, and many times, they are willing to share with their parents what they have seen, heard, and thought, and even for a certain period of time, they always like to ask parents a lot of "why".
When the child takes the initiative to find the parent, the parent should let go of the matter at hand as much as possible, and then listen carefully to the child's speech, try not to interrupt the child.
Sometimes, we are usually too busy at work, dislike the child to speak too slowly, will be anxious to interrupt the child, directly help the child to say it, or we think that we are experienced, often like to interrupt the child when the child just began to speak, teach the child how to do, do not know that doing this, will interrupt the child's thinking, but also affect the child to improve their own expression ability.
Listen patiently to the child and let the child know that the adult cares about himself and his own thoughts. Under the attention of adults, they are more willing to express their inner thoughts.
Conclusion: Modern society, more and more attention is paid to children's ability to express themselves and the ability to cooperate with others, a talkative child, can speak the Tao, communication skills are often stronger, but also allow more people to support him, cooperate with him. If your child is too silent, it's time to intervene.
Interactive Topic: Is your child talkative?
I am @ AiYang Parenting, a working mother, pay attention to me, we are scientifically raising babies together more relaxed.