Wen | Yuan's mother's parenting diary original, welcome to forward and share personally
Talking back to parents is something that every child has done, this kind of behavior is a manifestation of disobedience and ignorance in the eyes of parents, and they have tried many ways to correct the child's behavior of talking back, but often with little effect.
I don't know if parents have thought about whether the children who resist the mouth have repeatedly taught and not changed, perhaps the method is wrong, or the child itself has not resisted.
The backlash may mean something else
Children who talk back are more thoughtful and judgmental
Parents habitually regard all disobedience and objections to their parents as a counter-argument, but for children, their intentions are not so.
When children have their own ideas and opinions and want to verify, if they disagree with their parents, this is an insistence on the correct answer, called rebuttal.
The backlash is the child's behavior of knowing that this matter is wrong, but in order to excuse himself and evade responsibility, he contradicts the parents.
It is not difficult to see that although the "back talk" gives parents a headache, it may be a manifestation of intelligence and independence for children.
Princeton University in the United States once did an experiment, found 2 to 5 years old children and divided into AB two groups, A group of children are generally very resistant, usually indispensable to resist; B group children are more obedient, rarely resist.
The final experiment concluded that 80% of the children who love to talk back have the ability to judge and analyze things, and they are more independent in life. Of the weaker children, only 24% can handle things independently, and the remaining children are too dependent on others.
At the same time as the mouth, the child's thinking ability and judgment are improving, and the ability to deal with things is also enhanced, allowing the child to resist is the reverse training.
The child who talks back may be "asking for help" from the parent
Psychologists believe that children's behavior of resisting stems from inner helplessness and confusion.
When parents give "no" orders, they are dissatisfied with their rights being deprived, but they succumb to the authority from their parents, and can only say their true thoughts and vent their dissatisfaction by speaking back.
So, to a large extent, what is said when the mouth is countered is the child's true words.
It is precisely because the children who talk back have their own ways to vent their dissatisfaction, so they are good at regulating their emotions and will not have bad habits such as smoking and alcoholism because of stress.
In the face of children's recourse, parents should reject these several wrong ways of handling
Tell your child the big truth over and over again
Chinese parents are good at telling the big truth, like to tell their children about the people and things they have experienced and understand the truth, especially after the child makes a mistake, the parents' big truth can always be moved out unchanged.
In fact, preaching is not of great significance to the child's education, and repeated "inkblots" will only make the child resist, and over time, the child may change from a mouth to a rebellion.
Always negate the child
As mentioned earlier, sometimes children's dissatisfaction is to protect their rights, but parents take it for granted to look at the problem from their own point of view, and parents can't wait to communicate, so they are anxious to deny their children and label their children.
This practice is easy for children to lose the desire to communicate with parents, close the door of the heart, no longer express themselves to parents, over time, more and more problems will appear.
Parents complain to each other
Parents complain and blame each other, in fact, to set an example of "backing" for their children, especially the unequal relationship between husband and wife, the more vulnerable the party has no prestige in front of the child.
Children will also learn from this kind of imitation, copy this interpersonal treatment, either become a strong party to fight and bully others, or weak personality to become a bullied party, no matter which will affect the child's mental health and social interaction.
Fight and control the child
When children resist, they must point out their children's mistakes and recognize the progress of their children's abilities in their hearts, but many parents are obsessed with their own authority and do not let their children resist through blows and controls.
But this way is like a leather band, the more the parents suppress, the longer the leather band is pulled, and the child will resist sooner or later, just like the rubber band bouncing back.
How do parents properly deal with the problem of children's backing?
The problem between the child and the parent is like a couple quarrel, no matter which side wins, there will be a loss, the child does not understand, is the parent also not sensible? Calmly dealing with the problem of children's backs is a compulsory course for parents.
Listen to the child's inner words first: when the child is most likely to say his own words, then parents should learn to listen, understand the child's true feelings and wishes, or let the child talk about his grievances and opinions, at least give the child the opportunity to vent.
Hold back and don't say hurtful words: children resist, parents say fierce words, can not solve the problem at all, but also escalate the contradiction, many times, parents should learn to endure, endure not to lose their temper with the child, and deal with the problem in a calmer way.
Learning and understanding the laws of children's physical and mental development: Contradictions stem from not understanding, and the reason why parents label, hit and deny their children is because they do not understand their children.
What is their personality, what stage of development they are in, what extreme behaviors are they... Parents try to understand their children in order to solve problems better.
【Today's Interaction】
How do you see your child's "talk-back" behavior?