If you want the teacher to be good to the baby, this matter can not be less (not a gift to pat the horse)

After my daughter entered elementary school, I realized very clearly that she was different from me when she was a child, she was definitely not the well-behaved child in the eyes of the teacher, she did not have good academic performance like I did back then, and she was also very sensible.

Her grades are not slippery, all day "silly music silly music", many elementary school students will care about the honor, she looks quite light, those class representatives, class leaders, classmates chose her, she is also very happy, but there is no "have to do" at all.

As I mentioned to you before, the third growth in my life is to realize that my child is an ordinary person, and I have actually crossed this hurdle.

I believe that many readers who follow me also have this idea, but admit that ordinary and lying flat are really different.

For example, in my communication with teachers, I have not been a "lying flat" parent. I have always believed that school is a continuous family, so I need to have more contact with teachers, understand parents, and understand children, so that everyone can truly "home-school cooperation".

The child is not excellent, and even in the class often "something goes wrong and causes some trouble", the teacher may always come to the parents to complain, and the teacher may suddenly name and criticize the parent group, in private messages, and when picking up the baby from school.

This is really a very annoying thing, after saying too much, I wonder if my baby can do it, is it too bad.

So today I want to talk to the parents of "Puwa", there is a way to make the baby "actively progress", but also to make the teacher's attitude towards the baby better, more positive, less to complain - this method is that parents take the initiative to find the teacher and praise their children to the teacher.

Image source: "Spring of the Cattle Herding Class" ↓

Many friends see this, may understand my intention, children need attention, and getting the positive attention of people they care about (such as parents, teachers, etc.) is also a way to motivate children to some extent.

But the truth is understood, it must be difficult to operate, after all, "actively" praising their own people, this thing sounds quite awkward, and it is not done well, and it is easy for teachers to think that our parents are not objective enough.

So, "how to boast" is very critical, I have two principles.

01

Fail to meet the standard, exaggerate the process

Little D kindergarten has handmade works, to tell the truth, according to Little D's ability at that time, they can't do the excellent works posted by their kindergarten (although many friends will complain, it's all pinning mom).

I also complained at the time, but then I put myself in my shoes, the core of manual work is to encourage parents and children to have high-quality interaction, and the good result must be to make the teacher feel the "parenting sincerity" most intuitively, because the teacher cannot see the process of our interaction with the child at home.

At that time, I would often put a small card in Little D's handmade work, sometimes to share Little D's creative ideas, sometimes to share small tidbits from when we interacted and worked together.

This "one more step of self-selling and boasting" not only allows teachers to see the process of children's efforts, but also sees the intention of parents to accompany the process, which is a way that many teachers welcome and like very much.

Some people may also say that our teachers will definitely not eat this set, they want performance, they hope that parents will do it for their children and do it beautifully. My dad used to be an elementary school teacher, and I've heard of this since I was a child.

But for me, I don't want to change the environment, I'm changing my mindset.

Later, Xiao D went to elementary school, and in the first semester, he was frequently circled by the teacher in the WeChat group, and directly posted the words "dog crawling" for his daughter.

But I still insist on "boasting", I take the initiative to communicate with the teacher, the current situation of Little D, the plan made by our family, and from time to time send "progress" comparative photos to the Chinese teacher.

Such praise not only stabilized my mentality as a mother who had just become a primary school student, but also the Chinese teacher changed, and by the second half of the semester, Little D's words were still not the best written in the class, but the teacher would take the initiative to praise Little D's progress, persistence and efforts.

This is helping parents and teachers, looking at children with a "developmental" perspective. It is said that the result is important and the process is important, but in real life, we and the teacher will inevitably forget.

Then our "active praise" is to let adults see that it is not easy for children, and only children who are seen can be empowered.

02

If you can't score, take the initiative to praise

After entering school, most of the child's development is measured by "scores", which I fully understand as a parent, after all, this is one of the most "efficient" ways.

But I have always held the view that parents should be the external regulator of their children, what the school does not have/ignores, and the family should make up for it. Therefore, I will also take the initiative to praise the "ungradable" qualities of Xiao D with the teacher.

Little D and I have always maintained a bedtime chat habit, and she will also share with me what happened at school. For example, not long ago, she told me that the teacher praised her and wrote full marks in Chinese.

This is a typical "can be scored" project, then I will follow this result and talk to her: How do you feel? What are you most proud of? Is there an uncomfortable/frustrating part? (Talk about your child's own feelings).

As a result, I learned that the full score did make Little D happy, but what made her even happier was that she had made mistakes in silent writing several times before, and the teachers and classmates encouraged her; And she thought of many ways to make the words that always go wrong correctly (imagination, association, etc.).

I told Little D at that time, remember that others are good to us, others help us, and when others need such help in the future, we must also give without hesitation, let love flow, and our happiness will be higher.

Then I greatly praised Little D's learning strategy, always going wrong, if you keep doing it the old way, sometimes it's a little "silly", it's like running on the wrong track, looking very tired, but getting farther and farther away from the result.

If you find something wrong, you can find a new way, which is better than silently writing a perfect score!

After that, I took the initiative to praise the teacher, not about Little D's full score, but the two points of "gratitude" and "learning methods" she mentioned.

This is to help parents, but also to help teachers, with a more "comprehensive" vision of children, such "active praise", but also let our parents' view of education to pass on to teachers.

When it is clear to both teachers and parents that the focus of our parenting is not just on grades, perhaps the role of "home-school integration" can be maximized.

03

Appreciate the perspective, not the problem perspective

Kindergarten/primary school is a watershed moment, many parents from "their own babies are so cute" to "look at other people's babies".

With the comparison of "others", what we say most about our children is often to point out their children's problems, but there is a lot less encouragement and praise.

Today's mention of "actively praise" the teacher is not only a communication method, but also a bottom-level mentality of parenting.

That is, no matter how old the child is, we must look at the child from the perspective of appreciation rather than the perspective of problems.

When we can develop the initiative to praise our children to teachers, we also have a more comprehensive perspective and a more peaceful mind.

This point becomes more important as children grow up, because we always know that when we enter the class and enter society, there will always be only one first place.

Good family education is not to do your best to raise a child who is "first" at the moment, but can really give children the courage to sing that heart, who said that standing in the light is the hero?