What should parents talk to their children about after school? | Parental wisdom

Minxiao said

Parents and children do not have to sit in front of each other, they have to find a fixed time and place. In fact, picking up your children home after school or on the car is an excellent opportunity for parent-child communication. But communication is a science, especially with children. After school, how should parents communicate with their children correctly? Share this article with you –

If asked, what is the first thing your child says after school? I believe many parents will say: "The priority after school is, of course, to urge homework!" ”

As a result, many families will have a "vicious battle" between parents and children for a period of time after school, and adults urge children to write homework over and over again, and roars and cries are often intertwined.

In some families, as the child grows older, the child and his parents change from the original "nothing to say" to "nothing to say", you ask him anything, he only has a few words.

The former gets into arguments, the latter falls silent, either way, and ends up putting parents and children in a state of "ineffective communication."

As parents, how should we communicate correctly with our children after school? In today's article, we will talk about what parents say after school, so that children can be more cooperative in learning and let him really feel our care.

The first word after school, three problems to avoid

■ Is someone bullying you at school?

Every day after school, parents can't wait to know how their children are doing at school today, and this eagerness is human. But how to ask questions is a difficult problem.

Parents are particularly concerned about their children's social life at school, especially when new students enter the school, for fear that their children will be bullied and bullied at school, so they will ask things like this.

In fact, this kind of question is a very negative suggestion, and the subtext is: "Are you being bullied?" ”

It is easy to give the child the illusion that "someone may bully me" at school or kindergarten, and in this problem, the child ponders the social conflicts of the day, like a "bullied", so that he has a negative view of normal classmate interactions.

It is normal for children to have conflicts between children, we should believe that children have the ability to deal with these events, if there is really bullying, such a sentence is difficult to ask anything, but let the child see your anxiety and worry about him.

■ Did the teacher criticize you?

Some children are more naughty, and parents will worry that he will get into trouble at school, and can't help but use similar questions to inquire about their children's performance in school.

This sentence is also a negative psychological hint to the child, making him feel that he is a mischievous child in the eyes of his parents, otherwise why are parents always worried that they will be criticized by teachers?

■ Is the homework done? Go ahead and write!

A survey once pointed out that according to the survey of students in various cities, children disliked what their parents said the most, and the first place was: to study/write homework!

Especially when coming home after school, the first thing parents say is to urge learning, and the child will naturally be unhappy and feel that adults only care about his study and homework.

It's like a wife who has worked hard for a day and comes home, and the husband doesn't say, "Today is also hard!" Instead, he urged her coldly: "Is the meal done?" ”

After a long time, the wife will also feel uncomfortable and cold: "The husband does not care about me, he only cares about himself." ”

Both adults and children return home eager for the love of their families.

Therefore, the first thing the child says after returning home, avoid rushing to study coldly, even if you are in a hurry, give the child a little time to breathe.

The first thing you say after school is like this

When parents ask their children questions, change their questioning strategy and avoid closed-ended questions such as "Are you happy at school today?" Some children simply reply, "OK," and then don't know what to say.

Too abstract and broad questions are also easy for children to not answer, especially kindergarten children, when encountering some conceptual language, it is difficult for children to understand what you are saying, such as "What did you learn today?" "How did you feel today?" Wait a minute.

Therefore, when chatting with children, sometimes it is necessary to be as specific and detailed as possible, so that children can answer.

You can ask:

What games did you play with your friends today? What is the name of your best friend in class? Why do you like to play with him? Which teacher's class do you like the most? Why do you like it? Did the teacher teach you something new? Can you teach your mother? ......

The younger the child, the more specific the problem should be, allowing the child to retell the complete story from these concrete things.

Some parents will ask: how to ask about their children's unhappy things at school?

Try this phrase: "Is there anything you need your mom's help with today?" ”

It can well express your concern for your child and convey a concept to the child: father and mother are the closest and most trustworthy people, happy or unhappy things can be told to parents and inner pain does not have to be endured alone.

The time to ask questions can be chosen on the way from school, when the child is fully relaxed; Or walking time after meals, parent-child time before going to bed, and so on.

Take bedtime as an example, hugging the child and touching the child's head, these simple physical contact can give the child a feeling of being cared for, and enhance the child's sense of security and well-being.

For older children, the most important skill we need to master is to pay more attention to the child's interests and let the child dominate the topic.

Children are reluctant to talk to their parents because what adults want to ask is not what the child wants to express.

Some adults only care about the child's learning: what you learned today, how did you do in class today, did the teacher praise you...

It's not that these things aren't important, it's that before we want to understand what we care about, we must first consider our children's feelings, start with the things that children are interested in, and slowly open their hearts.

When the child confesses, try to stay calm, even if he is in trouble, do not criticize and accuse too excitedly, if the reaction is too extreme, it is likely that the child will not be willing to reveal his heart to you next time.

Between parents and children, trust is very important, establish a close psychological connection, the child will naturally not hide the little secret from you, and you do not have to worry about the child being wronged and dare not say.

How honest a child is with us depends largely on the quality of parent-child interaction.

To communicate with children, parents should be able to ask questions and respond

To communicate with children, attitude is key.

Often parents say: "On the way from school, their children are like small talkers, no need for you to ask, a small mouth can talk to you for half a day!" ”

There are also children who like to ask various "why", many adults think that these questions of children are very naïve, if they are interested, they will answer a few words, if they are not interested, they will perfunctory two sentences, and they will even reprimand their children in a bad mood.

In fact, if children love to say these insignificant "little things" to you, parents should pay attention to it and respond in time.

On the surface, this kind of dialogue output is meaningless, it shows that the child's own state is pleasant and relaxed, and it also reflects the child's trust in you.

If we show perfunctory and impatience at the beginning, it will discourage the child's desire to express, and after a long time, they will not be willing to talk to you more.

The premise of making children willing to say is that parents must have the ability to listen to their children say "nonsense", in other words, what the child pays attention to, you pay attention to.

Let the child know that his voice will be heard, that what he expresses is valued, that his needs are seen...

As long as we listen patiently to the child's expression, it will increase the child's desire and confidence to express.

Therefore, please cherish the moment when your child confides in you without reservation, do not rush to interrupt your child, and respond positively to him, this good communication mode will play an unexpected role in the entire stage of your child's growth.

If you are willing to listen, the child is willing to speak, and the chatterbox is opened from these casual nonsense.

As long as parents take every word and answer of their children seriously, the door of communication will always be open to you.

This is the beginning of your child's desire to share with you at all times.

Article source|Qian Zhiliang Studio

WeChat Editor|Tao Yuxiang