It was I who, in the name of love, pushed my child step by step to the abyss of self-destruction

Three full years have passed since that "holiday" ... At that time, the "double minus" had not yet started, and I was still firmly implementing my "double roll".

I have an only son. Growing up, when I talked to other people about my son, I would start with the words: "My son is good at everything, but he can't study well." "So since the first grade of elementary school, I have been working the matter of "changing the bad learning". Daily work under the homework class after school every day. My son has to finish all the day's homework in the homework class and preview the next day's class before he can go home. Vacation work under the general tutoring class. I would inquire before the holidays began, just to find the most rigorous teacher, imagining that through the efforts of a holiday, my son would be able to make a stunning appearance at the beginning of school. My son's six years of primary school were spent at this pace.

The primary school graduation exam came quickly in such a cycle. The overall score of 156 out of 300 not only did not discourage me, but made me more courageous. I did everything in my power to send my son to a boarding school known for its militarized management. In the placement test at the beginning of school, my son scored 101 points in three subjects, almost at the bottom of his grade. My friend asked me: What is the point of you doing this? I told him confidently, "I didn't teach him well in the past six years, and if I handed him over to the school for the next six years, the school will definitely teach him well." He is surrounded by good students, and he will definitely become a good student. ”

I started a mother's vision and my son started a "good" life in boarding school. School is closed once every two weeks, and every time I pick up my children, I am full of joy, hoping that my son will fall in love with studying and get good grades.

The first time we met, I noticed that the child had lost weight. It's really good, the study intensity is tiring, good phenomenon.

The second time we met, I found that the child was no longer talkative. It's really good, the child has become steady, good phenomenon.

The third meeting stemmed from receiving a notice from the teacher that the child had injured someone. The son who has always been obedient, well-behaved and honest can beat people? It must have been someone else who bullied him. He knows proper defense, good phenomenon.

In my "optimistic" expectations, I saw my children more and more frequently, even once every two days on average, without exception, receiving a call from a teacher, going to school to apologize, saying good things, and then going home exhausted.

In such days, the first semester is finally over. Before the holidays began, I still found a make-up class, ready to review old knowledge and preview new knowledge like I have done in the past six years, expecting my son to be a blockbuster at the beginning of the next semester.

On the first day of the holiday, I tried to wake my son up to go to class, as usual, only to find that he had locked the door behind his back and refused to open it no matter how hard I slapped it. As the class time approached, I became more and more anxious, called the child's father, and forcibly kicked the door open. Lifting the quilt, he hurriedly put clothes on his son while saying "I'm going to be late, I'm going to be late." My son, who was usually at my mercy, let out a beastly roar at this time, and suddenly he slammed his head against the wall, and I couldn't pull it, and bright red blood slowly oozed from my son's forehead. I froze in place, unable to move.

From that day on, the long "holiday" began ... For the next two years, my son never left the house and barely spoke to me. The child who used to cling to me all day became a stranger who lived with me.

I cried late at night, fell asleep crying, and woke up in a nightmare. I kept asking myself: What happened to my son? What am I doing wrong?

Until I listened to a lecture on family education and remembered the saying: parents change by 1%, children change by 99%. At the time, I thought, if I could change my child by 1%, I would change 99%. From then on, I started "making up classes". Consult with a psychologist, attend a parent's class, listen to a family education lecture, and read relevant books recommended by the teacher. After more than two years of study, I finally admitted the fact that my son is a good boy, but I am not a qualified mother. Living under my excessive expectations and control for a long time, my son did not choose to hurt his mother and finally began to hurt himself. It was I who, in the name of love, pushed my child step by step to the abyss of self-destruction.

After calming down, I began to sort out my son's photos, videos, handicrafts, and paintings when he was a child, and warm memories washed my rough, stupid heart with tears of regret... I made photos of these memories and confessions into video files and sent them to my son, not asking for his forgiveness, but for my sincere repentance. Finally, I waited for that day when the door to my son's room opened!

Now, my son has transferred from his old school to a fine arts high school that he loves. Watching his daily immersive, sunny smile, I finally found my original intention when I conceived a child – health, joy, and happiness.

For my birthday this year, my son gave me a pixel drawing of a person. In the painting, I look into the distance, the corners of my mouth raised, calm and calm. In the lower right corner of the painting, there is a beautiful line of letters: Mom, I love you and I will love myself well.

The long "holiday" is finally over.

Source | This article was published in the June 2023 issue of The Educator, Issue 5, originally titled "The Long "Holiday"

Author | Zhu Mingting

Design | Yang Xiao

Co-ordination | Zhou Caili