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A news that impressed me: In Wanning, Hainan, a 6-year-old little girl was actually taught a belt and hanger for more than an hour because she talked back to her father Jiang Mou.
Because of her physical abnormality, she was immediately sent to the hospital for rescue, and eventually the girl passed away.
According to his father Jiang Mou, the child was scolded and then shut up, and in anger, he beat the child fiercely with a belt and a hanger, hitting the child's whole body with bruised hands and feet and blackening.
People, chilling.
Although this is a very rare example, most parents are still angry in the face of their children's backs:
"The wings are hard, don't you dare to talk back to me?"
"What is not good to learn, learn people to resist."
"You have to push back and try it."
These few words, familiar with not?
In the face of the child's relent, we jumped like thunder and shouted reprimands.
Why is that? Because most parents have a subconscious sense of family status above their children, they will feel "I gave birth to you and raised you, and you have to listen to me." ”
The child's "back talk" makes them feel that their authority has been challenged, and of course they have to jump up.
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But, have you really thought about why children will resist?
Because, they've grown up!
We often say that everyone is an individual. The little child, at first, will only eat, drink and sleep, but slowly he grows up and begins to establish his own ideas.
Everyone knows Terrible two, why do 2-year-olds start to annoy people? Because at this time, they began to repeat the words "no, I will not" and began to "resist".
If you are a little older, you will reply to us with "you are only ..." , such as saying "you are too unruly" to the child, and the child may reply with "you are not well-behaved".
Bigger, like my family morning in elementary school, that is terrible, can be listed one by one to refute, "why" and "why" hanging on the lips can not be.
However, these are rare advances for children.
The reason why they can "talk back" with their parents is because their brains begin to participate in the operation, neurons develop rapidly, especially when arguing, through the observation and analysis of one thing, learn to express their ideas and opinions in an orderly manner.
You see, before The video of a little girl in the northeast and her mother "mutual pity" on Weibo was on fire.
In the video, the mother did not stop yelling at her daughter after tutoring her homework, and also let her stand.
Facing her mother, she began to protest: "With your current attitude, can you teach me to learn?" You've taught me that, can I still do it? ”
Mom asked, "How did I teach you?" ”
The little girl learned from her mother: "You just scream, no, no, no!" ”
The little girl also righteously told her mother: "From now on, your child will be stupid!" Your child is not a beautiful woman, and you don't say that the little beauty gets on the car in the future. ”
After watching this video, netizens burst out laughing: "Look at this child to be anxious, I can't help but laugh out loud!" ”
You see, how smart the children who can "resist" are!
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This is not what I said, there have been experts who have done research:
Children from two to five years old are divided into two groups, one group usually likes to talk back and is more resistant, and the other group is usually obedient and weaker in resistance. The results showed that 80% of the children with strong resistance grew up with strong independent judgment ability;
Only 24% of children with weaker resistance are able to act on their own when they grow up, but their ability to judge things independently is still weak and they are often dependent on others.
Of course, this is not to say that each child can be indulged in dealing with adults without courtesy, and it is precisely this set of research data that gives us a thought: how to teach children to "resist" correctly.
In the face of the child's "counter-talk", we adults should keep our hearts calm, and allowing the child to defend is the first step.
Let go of doubt and prejudice and learn to listen patiently and communicate equally.
Find the emotional expression behind the child's "back-talking".
We only see them push back hysterically, but often ignore the emotional expression behind them. Why do children do this?
Maybe he was really misunderstood, so he would be angry? Perhaps, he was really distrusted, so he was very wronged?
All of this is telling you: Mom, you have to understand me, believe in me, and love me.
Guide and give your child the right example.
For example, when your child is emotionally uncontrollably talking back to you, you can ask, "Do you want to say it again another way?" "If I don't agree, do you want to think of something else?" "If I were yours, I might..."
This is done to teach children to control their emotions and maintain respect for others when expressing objections, which is actually cultivating their rapidly growing independence.
Ruth Bebenmeier, author of Nonviolent Communication, writes in the poem:
"I've seen a child do things sometimes that I don't understand; or don't do what I'm told; but he's not a stupid kid.
Before you say he's stupid, think about it, is he a stupid kid, or does he know things differently than you? ”
Being an adult for a long time, you often forget the world of children.
Those unconditional obediences that we think are never true love. Everyone, equal and equal, expressing their own opinions, respecting each other, understanding each other, that is love.
Please give your child a reasonable chance to "talk back".
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