A friend worriedly said that her son liked to be competitive since he was a child, and after entering primary school, he made a flag and maintained the top three in the class. In order to achieve this goal, the son also set up a reward and punishment mechanism for himself.
We congratulate her, such a contentious child, what are you worried about?
The friend sent a helpless expression, saying that it was not a good thing that his son's sense of competition was too strong.
The friend said that one day she went to pick up her son from school, the son did not look very happy, sullen along the way, the friend asked him what was wrong, he did not speak.
When he got home, his son asked her with tears why his grades were always inferior to Li Yifan (a bully in his son's class), and this time too, it was two points worse, he was the first in the class.
The friend comforted his son, you are doing a good job, and the second place is also very good. It doesn't matter if you can't get the first, the important thing is to master the knowledge you have learned.
The son seemed to understand, but he couldn't lift his spirits all night, and his mood was not high.
Friends said that after his son entered the primary school, his grades were actually quite good, basically ranking in the top three of the class, but he was always compared with a boy named Li Yifan, and his grades were also very good, many times better than him, and his son was very frustrated.
Friends are worried that his son is only in the second grade, and he has such a strong sense of competition and desire to win and lose, is it really good for his growth?
This friend and her lover, both at work and in life, are strong people, which is also reflected in their education of their children. From a young age, they encourage children to strive for the upper reaches and make themselves grow rapidly through competition.
It is true that in today's society, competition is fierce, and adults must compete with their peers and compete with the same industry in order to get better development at work. But do children also need to compete from an early age?
It just so happened that I re-read the book of education expert Ms. Yin Jianli and read an article about children's competition, so I shared my views with friends.
For competition, teacher Yin Jianli put forward such a point of view, not competing when you are a child, you will win when you grow up.
In her view, allowing children to compete from an early age will weaken the child's inner strength, so that children grow up in competitive anxiety, and it is easier to have inferiority and psychological imbalance.
More importantly, prematurely pushing a child into the torrent of competition has three kinds of damage to the child:
First, it will destroy the child's ability to cooperate.
Second, it will cultivate pathological strivers.
Third, it may damage the health of the body.
Therefore, Teacher Yin Jianli does not advocate children's competition.
She suggested that parents should not disturb their children's self-development, but can give their children enlightenment education, take care of children's curiosity, develop children's free will, and make children feel happy.
In the past, I was still skeptical about this view, but after accompanying Erbao through the early childhood connection and accompanying her through the first grade of primary school, I slowly understood that instead of letting the child compete, it is better to encourage the child to accumulate inward and become a better self.
When Erbao was in kindergarten, the teacher began to teach them the knowledge of early childhood articulation, learning pinyin, writing simple Chinese characters and mathematics.
At that time, I found that the knowledge taught by the teacher, except for addition and subtraction within 10, the second treasure will not be anything.
But it made me anxious.
Looking at the homework sent by other children in the class in the group, the words are well written, the mathematics can already be added and subtracted within 20, and the pinyin letters are also written very standardized.
I was in more of a hurry.
I encourage her, you see so-and-so classmates in the class, the writing is really good, the arithmetic problem is very good, the pinyin is also well written, you have to learn from others, work harder, try to catch up with him, and surpass him.
But I found that this did not work much, on the contrary, it hit Erbao's self-confidence.
When I asked her again and again to look up to which classmate, although she did not say it, she showed disgust in action.
During that time, our parent-child relationship was very tense. Erbao worked hard, but the results were not great. I tutored her and encouraged her to look up to so-and-so classmates, and she was usually silent.
Finally, one day, she asked me if she couldn't learn to write pinyin, and if she couldn't write well, I didn't like her, but I liked other children. As she spoke, she sobbed quietly.
I realized at that moment that forcing her to compete with other children was hurting her.
She has been very well-behaved since she was a child, she is not rejected for learning, she is trying to learn, but maybe she is young, maybe she has not yet opened her mind, and some content no matter how I teach, she can't learn.
It felt like, I originally had a martial arts secret book that I wanted to teach her, but she couldn't even do the basic zama steps.
I decided to change the way I did.
First of all, I admit that Erbao is an ordinary, not smart enough child, she has some slowness in learning, some difficulty, I can no longer let her compare with excellent children, so that she is more unconfident.
Next I told her that in the future, we will no longer compare with others, come at our own pace, keep working hard, and make progress every day, which is very good.
I also console myself, do what I have to do, wait for the flowers to bloom, wait for the flowers to bloom.
After entering the first grade with almost zero foundation, Erbao's performance was indeed as I expected, and the results were at the bottom of the class.
But I'm relieved that she's really improving every day. She can write pinyin, she understands how the number is broken down, and her words are getting better and better.
The teacher's evaluation of her ranged from not recognizing many words at the beginning, doing problems slowly, not listening to lectures, to slowly entering the state and making obvious progress.
Her exam papers, from her fifties, sixties, seventies to eighties, at the end of the first semester of the first year, she scored more than 90 points in both homework and won the "Progress Star" award.
I am very satisfied, but also very fortunate, fortunately in the beginning of the timely adjustment of the direction, encourage The Second Treasure to do a good job of themselves, slowly improve, instead of consuming energy in competition with others.
Mr. Yang Dai said that I do not argue with anyone, and I do not despise anyone who fights.
Yes, why fight with others?
For children, childhood is a special time, parents instead of letting children spend their minds and energy to compete with others, into anxiety and lack of self-confidence, it is better to let children focus on themselves, develop inward, accumulate energy, one day, children will become a better version of themselves.
Encourage parents and friends.