On holidays, there are many mothers with their children playing in the green space of the park, which is really a warm parent-child play picture from a distance; but when you get closer, it feels wrong, and all you hear in your ears is "don't run, be careful of wrestling", "Don't play with the water, you will get your clothes dirty", "Don't get ants, be careful that it bites your hand", "Don't..." Almost all are instructions to inhibit children's activities, which is very puzzling.
In fact, the clothes are dirty, washed and washed clean, the child should have worn dirty and washable clothes, the game will be fun; wrestling, climbing up is, it does not matter; bitten by bugs, next time will be careful, and not necessarily every bug will bite. A parent's overprotectiveness stifles a child's curiosity and discourages him from exploring outward.
We often call today's children "strawberry families" and "feed chickens", teasing their vulnerability; but it is not all their fault that we refuse to let them take risks and grow.
In fact, where is life without danger? It is possible for planes and cars to crash in at home behind closed doors, and the better way to teach children how to deal with dangers rather than avoid dangers. Parents should take the time to analyze where the dangers of everything are and what its consequences might be. Children are actually not stupid, and they can avoid the consequences according to the situation. The most feared thing is ignorance, not knowing what disasters the consequences of one's actions may bring. We can't follow our children for a lifetime, and only by teaching him to face difficulties is it truly good for him.
There was a former University of California student whose thesis was a gopher in the Sahara Desert, and when he collected the papers, he lived in the Sahara Desert for two years, ate canned tuna and peanut butter sandwiches every day, and couldn't even go home for Christmas because the animals were not festive. The first time I met him, I thought he was different, his eyes were clever, his answers were simple and to the point, and his face was full of confidence. When asked if he was bitter, he said he was not bitter at all because he was interested in his own research. It is confucius who said, "People cannot bear their suffering, and they will not change their happiness when they return." I think that the person who can reach this realm is a blessed person, and his own children should find his interests and ideals, and the parents should be quite happy.
"I am for your own good" is probably the least favorite words for young people, and sometimes it is very necessary for children to run into walls and suffer. Swedish children are still playing outside at minus thirty degrees Celsius, and the Swedes say: "Only inappropriate clothes, no inappropriate weather." "A sense of accomplishment is not a gift, no one can give, and the child must win it on his own in overcoming setbacks."
Parents will worry about their child's safety, but they should teach him how to avoid danger instead of chaining him to his side. Ships parked in port are the safest, but that's not the purpose of shipbuilding.
Airtight love can suffocate a child.
My friend came to me with a sad face, saying that her precious daughter had become a habitual liar and that she could not change her mind. I was taken aback, I had seen her daughter at the celebration banquet of her daughter's admission to a prestigious school, a very well-behaved and intelligent child, how could she become a habitual liar?
In general, children lie to avoid a problem that he cannot solve, and many children do not lie voluntarily. Because the child is afraid of the severe rebuke or punishment of the parents, he has to hide the facts and make up a lie to solve the problem at hand first, and the lie must be rounded by another lie, and over time, he will become a habitual liar. Parents should also examine whether they are too disciplined and force their children to lie.
When her husband's factory moved to the mainland, she chose to stay in Taiwan at the risk of marriage breakdown because she did not want her children to go to school on the mainland. Because of this, she must have children stand out to prove that her choice was right. So the child's whereabouts are almost every minute within her control: she picks up and drops off at school, learns piano and violin on weekends, and buys anything the child wants in advance, not wasting a little of the child's reading time.
Generally children love to surf the Internet, but their computer is in her bedroom, and the child wants to check the information on the Internet and get the mother's room, so there will never be an Internet chat or a netizen. She took care of all the details of the child's life perfectly, so she did not understand why the child lied to her. The child said to go to so-and-so classmates to make posters, and when he went to pick up, the child was not in that classmate; the most important thing is that after the child returned, he refused to say where he went. This had happened three times, and she didn't know what to do and begged me to talk to her children.
Seeing that my friend was impatient, and my husband was not around, no one consulted, it was very sympathetic, so I took the opportunity to watch the university fair and took her child out for coffee. Sure enough, the first sentence of the child sitting down was "Auntie, help me apply for a foreign school, I want to go to the United States to study at a university, I can't stand it." Before I could ask a question, she gushed out her heart.
She couldn't stand her mother's urgent "love for her" approach, she said: "My mother did not trust me, I gave her a reason for distrust, and death did not say where I went." I said, "Silly boy, aren't you torturing each other like this?" Your mother loves you very much and is willing to do anything for you. She burst into tears, saying that she would rather be an orphan, and that this deep love suffocated her.
Parents should not control their children's whereabouts every minute for fear that their children will become bad. Being trusted is the beginning of self-esteem and self-esteem, and it is necessary to give children some freedom. Shopping is also an opportunity for little girls to make friends and enhance friendships. Man is not a reading machine, and cannot and does not require 24 hours of reading.
Finally I asked her where she had gone, and she smiled and said that she was very upset in her heart, she couldn't read a book, and she didn't want to listen to her mother's nagging at home, so she took a bus to Yangmingshan for a walk. I asked her why she wasn't telling the truth, and Mother should let you go. She shook her head and said, "It's a matter of principle, I should have someone to be free." I want to be alone, not my mother, but as soon as I say Yangmingshan, she will definitely accompany me. I have to have a personal space that belongs to me. She looked at me and said, "This is the basic requirement of being a human being." "I was speechless.
Parents love their children to love them properly. "Personal space" is the basic requirement of animals, two rats put into a cage, must be diagonal squat, although they have not learned geometry, but they know the diagonal distance is the farthest. Please give your child moderate space, respect him, he will respect himself, master his heart is more important than mastering his whereabouts.