As a parent, should you send your child to a "boarding school"? Teacher Yin Jianli, a famous education scholar and writer, once talked about his daughter Yuanyuan in his book: the three years of residential life in junior high school, some negative things left for Yuanyuan, have a lasting impact on the child's life, and need to be "detoxified" for many years.
Whenever she talks about the "boarding" life of the school, Teacher Yin Jianli will feel guilty! Let the child live in the school, may really get some superficial things, but in the long run, it may be "picking sesame seeds and losing watermelon". The famous educator Sukhomlinsky said of the "living school" of children: "The best boarding schools cannot replace mothers. ”
Case 1: The daughter is pregnant at school and the parents regret letting her live in the school
This is a real case that happened around, the upstairs neighbor couple is in business, usually busy, and the daughter grew up with her grandparents.
From elementary school onwards, the couple let their children go to the residential school and picked them up once a week. At first, the child would call his parents about 3 times a day, and each time he would cry out: he didn't want to live in school. Then parents who are busy with business want to live in school, one can exercise their children's independence; second, there are also people who take care of their children, and finally insist on letting their children live in school.
I have to say that the ideal of parents is full, but the reality is backbone. The child has been in school for a few years, and the child who used to laugh and giggle all day is always silent when he comes home. Parents asked, daughters are those perfunctory words, parent-child relationship has become very bad.
Just when they were in junior high school, the couple was told by the teacher that their daughter was pregnant at school! When asked why, the daughter cried and complained: This boy is very good to her, will buy her good food every day, and when he is sad and sad, he is also with him. Later, I fell in love with him and did something "out of line".
After listening to it, the mother held the child and cried with great guilt: It is all the fault of parents and mothers, really should not let you live in school from a young age, it is parents who have not taken good care of you.
Later, whenever I talked to my neighbor about the problem of my child's living in school, my neighbor always advised me not to let my child live in school.
Case 2: Bai Yansong: No matter how bitter I am, I will not let my child live in school
Bai Yansong, a famous host of CCTV, not only has strong hosting skills and sharp speech, but is also a very good father, and his son has been a bully since he was a child under his cultivation and education.
In the show, he once chatted with the host about the topic of "whether to let the child live in school". When the host asked Bai Yansong: Will you let your son go to the school?
Bai Yansong first said flatly: No, and then said very firmly, "Kill me and don't let my children live in school." You know, Bai Yansong and his wife are very busy at work, and sending their children to residential school will make it much easier for them.
But Bai Yansong insisted: I will never agree to let my child live in the school, even if my wife and I will work very hard for this, such as picking up and dropping off sooner or later, etc., it may pay a lot, but isn't this the case in life?
Most parents let their children live in school, hoping that their children can learn to be independent and self-care as soon as possible. On the surface, it is for the good of the child, but in fact, it is shirking the "responsibility" and is likely to harm the child.
Teacher Yin Jianli is even more blunt: If you can exercise your child's strong independent self-care ability without parents, then the education of the orphanage should be the best.
Analysis: Why would Bai Yansong oppose his children's living in school?
School is actually a "small society", if the child leaves his parents prematurely, he enters this "society" alone and deals with various problems alone. If not handled well, the trauma caused to his soul may be difficult to repair for a lifetime.
Whether it is Bai Yansong or Yin Jianli, the reason why they oppose their children's living in school is that they see the harm brought to their children by the boarding system; second, they believe that the growth of children is inseparable from the company of their parents.
01. On the issue of the harm caused by the boarding system to children
The establishment of feelings between children and their parents depends on getting along for a long time. The younger the child, the greater the dependence on their parents, and the more they demand the love of their parents. If you live in school for a long time, you will subconsciously fear being abandoned by your parents, and even resent your parents.
It is understood that most British parents are reluctant to let their children live in school, in their view: premature children live in school, will have many adverse effects on the child's psychology. The Duke of Westminster, Britain's richest man, was sent to boarding school by his parents at the age of 7, and for the next 10 years he wondered why his parents hated him so much! So he said: His own children, resolutely do not live in school.
I have read such a special letter on the Internet, written by a long-term residential son to his parents. The whole letter complains about the pain of boarding life and expresses anger and dissatisfaction with parents.
In the letter, the son said bluntly: What he cared about most was not how he was bullied, but when he told his parents about the bullying, his parents did not help him.
Under this letter, a message triggered a hot discussion among netizens: living in school for 6 years, equal to my parents did not participate in my joys and sorrows at all, quarreled with classmates, scolded by teachers, poor exams, I wanted to complain to my parents, but after 5 days of going home, I can't remember.
Carefully observe the children around them who live in school for a long time, due to the long-term lack of parental companionship, lack of emotional communication with relatives. When you grow up, it is easy to have behavioral abnormalities and serious psychological problems, and some children are also prone to emotional development, will not communicate with people, and have poor communication skills.
02, about the child's growth
As the saying goes: a child's growth is inseparable from the company of his parents; a child's success is inseparable from his parents' words and deeds. You know, the relationship between parents and children, relying on blood alone is not enough, only long-term relationship, in order to let children get enough sense of security in their hearts.
From the perspective of children's growth and personality development: 0-3 years old is an important period for children to establish a sense of security, 3-6 years old is the initial formation period of personality, and 6-12 years old is the solidification period of children's personality quality. In other words, before the age of 12, parents need to accompany and participate in the growth of their children.
In 1930, the American educationalist Skies did such an experiment: 2 orphans with an IQ of less than 50 were transferred to women with mild mental retardation to raise.
After 6 months, their IQ test found that it reached 77 and 87, respectively; 2 years later, their IQ test found that it reached 95 and 93, respectively, almost the same as a normal child. The explanation given by the researchers is that 2 orphans received the same care as their mothers.
Parents and children all hope that their children can get good results in the test, but there is a gap in the score, what to do?
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