1 Parents who are plagued by "anophobia"
Recently, Ms. Liu, a Shanghai citizen, tutored her son's homework at home, clashed with her son, and jumped into the river in one breath.
After receiving the alarm, nearby firefighters quickly rushed to the river to rescue, Ms. Liu cried: "Don't save me, I am really too tired, he wants me to die..." The firefighter comforted Ms. Liu while fixing her with a rescue rope, and finally, Ms. Liu was successfully rescued ashore.
At present, many parents who go to school are deeply troubled by a disease - anophobia. "Assistive disorder" is a contemporary disease that describes parents' tutoring homework as a robbery, and once counseling, they are out of control of their emotions and their blood pressure rises.
Some parents were angry and had a heart attack, and some parents were angry enough to break their hands with a hammer. This condition is detrimental to the physical and mental health of parents and children, and it has long affected the parent-child relationship.
Assistive disorder is only a representative disease on the way parents take their babies.
Many parents, when encountering parenting problems, no matter how big or small, can not control their emotions, do not stop and think, like a high-speed car, all rely on inertia to solve the problem.
2 Stop and think about it, it's actually quite simple
Teacher Yin Jianli, an education expert, told a case in a sharing.
A parent asked her if her child was disobedient and always got into trouble with her, hitting her and scolding her.
Yin Jianli asked her what the big deal was.
Parents said that we live on the 5th floor, and the little girl has to go down the stairs every day with her elbows between the handrails and slide down. Since the handrail of the stairs has not been wiped for a long time, the clothes are easily soiled. Because of this matter, I have beaten and scolded, but I just don't listen.
Yin Jianli said, "Why do you want to use the way of scolding?" How simple. You take a towel with her and wipe the handrail of the stairs from the top to the bottom, which is both a public good and a simple play for the children. ”
Such a simple method, why did parents not think of it?
In fact, behind the reflection is the parents' distrust and control of the child, and does not give her full freedom.
When encountering problems, many parents do not stop to think about it, but directly scold, or immediately point out.
3 Stop and think about being a growth parent
Lately I've been trying to get my 5 year old daughter to have her hair trimmed. I thought about various methods, including playing with her phone when cutting her hair, buying her good food, but she cried as soon as she saw the barber holding the scissors.
So I suggested that I hold the child down hard and let the barber cut her hair directly.
But the barber rejected me. The reason is that cutting hair is not effective, and I have to think about the reason why the child does not cut her hair, and then convince her.
As a mother, I was ashamed to think that I really had to learn from this barber.
So, for the next week, I asked my daughter from time to time, "Why don't you cut your hair?" Don't you think the cut is not beautiful? If you have to trim your hair, it will look better. ”
Once, when she was in a good mood, she told me that she thought it would hurt to cut her hair, her hair would hurt, her eyes would hurt, and her nose would hurt, so she didn't cut her hair.
It turned out that this was the crux of the problem, I always thought that the problem was that cutting hair was not beautiful, and it turned out that she thought that cutting hair would be very painful.
So, when I took her to the barber shop this time, I told her very patiently, "You see, this aunt is also cutting her hair, oh, you see auntie is not in pain at all, and she is smiling with you." She looked at me with a small face half-heartedly.
Then, I found a video of a puppy cutting his hair on the Internet and said to her, "You see, puppies cut their hair too, and how happy they laugh, they don't cry." Then you cut your hair and don't cry, do you? ”
"I don't cry when I cut my hair, and I'm not afraid to cut my hair." The daughter said out loud.
With the consent of the little lord, the barber picked up the scissors and started working. I was with her, and she gradually relaxed, and finally saw the new hairstyle and grinned.
I am glad that I followed the advice of the barber, and did not forcefully cut my daughter's hair, so that cutting her hair became the dark experience of her daughter's childhood, but let our mother and daughter have another warm memory, and I became a growth mother again.
On the long road of parenting, stop and think about it, it can be used in the child's big things, such as choosing the school of your choice, and can also be reflected in the daily small things, such as small to trim your hair.
As long as parents do not operate according to inertia, stop and think about it, observe their children with their hearts, discuss with their children, and grow up together, many problems will become solved.
4 Stop and think about it and improve your level of detail
At present, the pace of life is accelerating, parents are wrapped in endless information, and it is easy to be anxious. When encountering a child's problem, anxiety will be immediately ignited.
Yin Jianli said in "A Good Mother Is Better Than a Good Teacher", "The love of parents is deep in the sea, but there is a difference in quality. What determines the quality is not the parents' education, income, status, etc., but the degree of understanding of the child and the level of handling of details. ”
One of the most important steps in the "level of understanding and the level of handling of details" here is that parents need to stop and think about it before they act.
For example, 6-year-old children do not love math classes, and many parents will be anxious to enroll their children in tutoring classes. In fact, before enrolling in the class, parents can think about it, where is the root cause of the problem? Is it a lack of self-confidence or a wrong way of learning, or is it not interested in mathematics?
If you don't have enough self-confidence, you can encourage your child more, or ask your child's math teacher to encourage him more and give him a positive response.
If the learning method is not correct, you can ask the teacher to enlighten and train the learning method.
If you are not interested in mathematics, parents can buy more books for mathematical enlightenment, and they can also take their children to count in daily life, recognize various shapes, and cultivate a sense of numbers.
You see, sending a burning fire into the counseling class is not the only solution, what parents have to do is to stop and think about it, find the root cause of the problem, and then prescribe the right medicine to be more effective.
Positive Discipline advocates "kindness and firmness." The importance of "kindness" lies in expressing our respect for our children. The importance of "firmness" lies in respecting ourselves and respecting the needs of the form.
Stopping and thinking about it can reflect the respect of parents for their children, for themselves, and for their forms, so that kindness and firmness go hand in hand.
May every parent on the road to parenting, can take time to stop and think about it every day, even if it is two minutes, carefully observe the child, understand the child, help the child overcome difficulties, rather than creating difficulties for the child, accompany the child to grow up happily.
END
Author: Tingting, a mother who loves to write, speak and sports.
Welcome to leave a message to discuss, and meet a better version of yourself together.