In recent years, cases of parental self-harm have emerged one after another due to tutoring children to do homework. In September 2020, Mr. Liu "roared" when tutoring his children to do their homework, and then he couldn't breathe with pain in his chest. After the break, when he came to counsel the child again, he had a colic in his chest, a blackness in his eyes, fainted, and was sent to the hospital to be diagnosed with a "myocardial infarction" attack, and only after emergency treatment was he released from the danger of life.
When it comes to writing homework with their children, many parents have a "sad history". When parents are angry, they often beat and scold their children or hurt themselves, and many parents suffer from "anophobia". So, how to cure the "anophobia" of hurting children and hurting themselves?
Li Junqing, a teacher at Shunfeng Primary School in Foshan City, Guangdong Province, has been teaching for 22 years, and she believes that when tutoring children to do homework, parents should adjust their mentality, scolding children or even hurting themselves is not advisable, and there is no help for children.
Faced with the troubles of parents, she told parents to have a concept: gentle and firm. Teach children how to do it with a gentle attitude, and urge children to act with firm execution. "When parents counsel their children, don't keep an eye on it, which will not only make the child nervous, but also the parents themselves are anxious to catch fire." Li Junqing reminded, "When children do homework, parents should not play mobile phones or watch TV next to their children, which will bring negative psychological hints to their children." ”
If you encounter children with large learning disabilities, Li Junqing suggested that parents find professional institutions for help, "After all, education is a technology, but also an art, parents should master more pedagogical knowledge." ”
Zhang Yuqing, a teacher at Beijing University of Technology, also worried about the problem of children doing homework. Her children like to play for a while after school and start doing their homework at 8 p.m. At first, she was anxious and hoped that the child would complete the homework as soon as possible. But the child felt more comfortable with this arrangement, and Zhang Yuqing agreed. "It's his own arrangement, so he's serious about writing his homework. Parents should realize that they are only a supporting role when tutoring their children's homework, and they should help their children develop good learning habits without being noticed. ”
How to get rid of "assistive disorder" in the process of tutoring children to do homework? Zhang Yuqing believes that parents should have a clear concept of parenting in their hearts, and the heart of loving their children is common to parents, but they must love it. She set the rules when her children were young: they could play first after school, but once they started doing homework, they had to write the homework carefully within the specified time, and parents would not disturb their children in this process. After doing the homework, the parents check again and find problems to communicate with the child.
Zhang Yuqing believes that each child's learning has its own rules, parents should be patient and careful to communicate with their children, praise the progress of their children, let the children compare with themselves, take a small step every day, and insist on making great progress. Children have deficiencies, parents should learn to communicate with their children.
Xiao Changgen, associate professor of the Department of Applied Psychology, School of Humanities and Management, Hunan University of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and psychological counselor of Hunan Provincial Affiliated Psychology Clinic of Traditional Chinese Medicine, has long focused on the research and practice of mental health in primary and secondary schools. He believes that the child's homework is not ideal, and the parents are very angry and angry, which shows the lack of parents' emotional management ability and the simple and rude way of emotional expression, which has become a "common disease".
Xiao Changgen believes that parents learn to regulate their emotions, which is of great help to get rid of "complementary phobia". Parents should improve their emotional management skills, in the face of "out of control" emotions, he suggested that parents adopt the "STOP principle": suspend tutoring homework in time, take deep breaths to relieve stress, accept and allow children to make mistakes, and face and grow together with children.
Source 丨China Youth Daily
Image | Photo network
Responsible editor 丨 Wang Xiaojun Editor-in-chief 丨 Lei Ling