Why do some parents question or resist the opinions or suggestions of experts?
Based on our practice cases and various news and information disseminated online, it is not difficult to find that some parents will indeed have doubts or resistance to the views or suggestions of experts.
We analyzed and summarized the communication content with some education experts over the years, including those who have cooperated with child education experts, special education experts, and adolescent mental health experts who have cooperated in their own subdivisions, and roughly made a simple classification for these parents:
First, these parents have met or seen on the Internet, and indeed some experts say one set of theories, but the experts themselves do not have much practical experience, especially long-term front-line practical experience.
For example, I myself experienced a situation more than a decade ago: from the time my family began to plan family birth until the first birthday of the child, although there were already quasi-experts engaged in children's education, maternal and child health experts, teachers in other directions, etc., in order to win the strengths of the family, I myself went around humbly asking for advice and participating in related matters
Training and much more.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck at the time: I participated in eight study and training sessions, three of which were not small experts, and although they were full of words, the content of what they said was basically in the category of literacy work for me, and what was even more unbearable was that I found out that these three experts (a man and two women) had not given birth to themselves (two of them had a history of marriage and childbearing, and the other had never had a history of marriage and childbearing). In the face of these expert monographs placed at the training site, such as books such as "Scientific Parenting Guide", I was indeed resistant, and I was not humble enough to skip class halfway through. According to my mentality at that time, I hoped that these experts could find the north by themselves first, and then give us a guide!
The other five young teachers are actually not experts, but advertise to "identified experts", about twenty years old, may be some related majors not long after graduation.
When I, as a supporting character, sleepy every night with my lips to experience the temperature of the bottle, to ensure that the temperature of the milk is consistent with the body temperature, and then carefully put the nipple into the mouth of the baby who has just woken up and cried, to get the warm feeling of the short silence; when I lie on the workstation during the noon lunch break the next day to sleep like a dead pig, and even once flowed the harrah to the table, just when the leader saw and sighed and said: "Xiao Huang, hold on for a short time, almost to the end", I will think back to the young and childless teachers who have talked about the set of parenting theories that are really pale!
Second, each of our children in the family has their own personality characteristics, even if it is introduced by excellent experts, it is also a general general law, or for a case to give an example of analysis, specifically applied to their own children, but also need parents to observe in advance, form a preliminary framework for the assessment of their children's personality, and then think about how to adjust this universally applicable method according to the actual situation of their children, personalized application to their children. Because many parents lack these flexible concepts and operation methods, the probability is that they are rigid and rigid, and the results can be imagined. A bit of a joke or even a tragedy!
For example, in the same case, there is a young couple, because they are parents for the first time, they really have no experience, and they mainly read parenting books. The problem is that the young parent does not understand the preconditions for the cases and methods described in the book, and as a result, the parent simply draws the gourd and opens the balcony window in the winter, while the baby is naked "so that the sun can shine". The result is conceivable, the child is not only a cold, but also rose to pneumonia, grandparents, grandparents and grandparents can not take care of other things rushing to come...
Third, all of our parents, the degree and progress of understanding and understanding of the methods introduced by experts are different
Of course, there may also be some experts in the actual operation process, in the details of the emphasis is not enough, and then lead to some misunderstandings among parents, then because the parents themselves on the theory and the practical skills introduced by the experts have a deviation in understanding, so the actual operation will see that parents are according to the name of the method told by the experts to do, but the specific action is far from the real method and theory. Even if you change the soup without changing the medicine, you will go back to the old road of nagging, complaining, blaming, constantly monitoring and reminding children, and so on. Belongs to wearing new shoes and going the old way.
This point, the more obvious type of parents are some children with special needs, such as autism, ADHD, Tourette's disease (tics), sensory integration disorders, etc., it should be said that some of these parents are very careful to learn, and even for some books do not say backwards like flow, at least they are familiar with the heart, when the intervention effect of their own children is not good, they will also seek professional help, if it is not a long-term one-on-one intervention, experts can only introduce the universal law, even if there is an opportunity to evaluate the child, And put forward intervention opinions, but also need parents to dynamically adjust the intervention measures according to the child's development and changes, including the adjustment of combined measures and so on.
Fourth, many of our parents hope to use the big trick to achieve immediate results, eager to achieve, it is difficult to adhere to the method for a long time to use. As a result, there is no obvious effect in the short term, and they begin to question the experts' methods.
It should be noted that the parenting process in family education, unlike subject education, through short-term intensive training may make some children's academic performance achieve the improvement effect of chaff and rice, which is reflected in the test results, especially for some more utilitarian parents, it is necessary to find ways to provide children with this "academic achievement", especially in the key stage of the promotion and selection examination (Note: The double subtraction policy has restricted the practice of this extracurricular discipline training, see the policies and regulations of the relevant education administrative departments for details). Family education is not like solving the problem of physiological pain, some simple diseases can be eliminated by medicine, and the simple operation effect is rapid and obvious.
In summary, it is recommended that parents should first strengthen their own learning for parenting problems, and do not seek to be as experienced as the practical experts who have been practicing for many years, at least have some basic concepts, at least they can distinguish the experts they have encountered, and whether the theories and experiences they talk about are suitable for their children. The worst results can at least basically distinguish between true and false experts.