Childhood experiences affect a person's entire life. If parents do not educate their children, it is easy to cause lifelong injuries to their children that are difficult to heal. As a child grows up, his family is his first school and his parents are his first teachers. Improper family education will lead to a distorted character of the child, and we must not be careless during the critical period of the formation of the child's personality.
1, the next generation of doting, you have all spoiled the child
There is a cartoon in which a child does something bad, and the father chases after the child with the sole of the shoe to teach the child a lesson; the grandfather also follows him with the sole of the shoe to teach the child's father. The comic is portrayed in three points, and people are shocked to shoot the case after watching it.
There are several more examples:
First, the children of the sister-in-law's family love to eat snacks, so they are not good at eating, and the meals are served on the table and are still grinding and rubbing around, and the brother-in-law decided to cure the child's problem, and took corresponding measures to restrict him from eating snacks. At this time, the child's grandfather spoke: "Other people's children eat, why don't you let my eldest grandson eat?" Your dad can't afford to spend money on you, grandpa has. "When the child was clamoring for a snack, Grandpa went to buy a lot of it without saying a word. When the brother-in-law said this, he had a helpless look on his face.
Second, the younger brother let the child who watched tv for more than two hours turn off the TV to write homework, the child scolded him angrily, the younger brother severely criticized the child for not being educated, but the old lady of our family spoke on the side: "Don't say it, he is smarter than when you were a child, you can't swear when you are so old!" ”
There is a friend, the child has just gone to kindergarten, dead or alive do not want to go, every morning can really drag on ah, send him to school really take a lot of effort. Grandparents are distressed about their grandchildren, so they don't let their children go, saying that they see their children more thoughtfully than kindergarten. Friends scold their parents, "Can you teach him knowledge?" Do you know pinyin? The result made the two old men very unhappy. But in the end, no matter how the child cried, no matter what tricks he played and delayed, the parents still insisted on sending the child to the kindergarten. And some parents, because their children are crying and their grandparents are opposed, they do not send their children to kindergarten, and even preschool does not go to school. As a result, after the first grade, I can't learn, I don't know unity, and I don't have the ability to communicate with children. By this time, my grandparents and mom and dad were dumbfounded.
Things like this are not uncommon. In today's families, many children are fostered in the homes of their grandparents from an early age, so they are closely related to their grandparents and maternal grandparents, and they are relatively distant from their parents, and even some grandparents and grandchildren have become each other's spiritual sustenance to some extent. This kind of ancestral affection for grandchildren is beyond that of their children, commonly known as "intergenerational relatives". The old man's love for his grandchildren is much greater than the love of parents for his children, and it is not enough to explain it by blood relations, and there are psychological reasons. Grandchildren are like the rising sun, and grandparents coincide with the afterglow of the setting sun, and there is similarity and complementarity between them.
As the saying goes, "old children" and "little adults", that is to say, the generations are the same; the grandchildren are together, the young are cared for, the elders have to be happy, and they complement each other the blanks and gaps in the time and space left by the middle generation due to the busy work and housework, which is an important reason for the formation of the generations, because of the relationship of age, the fathers and sons have more of their own ideas on the concept of life and are prone to estrangement, contradictions, and even conflicts; and the grandchildren are also not defensive because of the relationship, so they are more likely to be close This is undoubtedly also an important factor in the formation of intergenerational relatives.
Some people believe that "generation-skipping relatives" have three major advantages: First, it is beneficial to the development and growth of grandchildren, and many "prodigies" have come to the fore only after being guided by their ancestors with rich knowledge; second, they are beneficial to their children, who are busy with work, and their children are taken over by their ancestors to raise them, so that they can relieve their worries and concentrate on their careers; third, they are beneficial to their ancestors, which can not only relieve loneliness and gain vitality from the growth of their children, but also provide opportunities for the elderly to do something and give play to their remaining momentum. This kind of fun playing with grandchildren is of great benefit to helping the elderly maintain a healthy and positive attitude, and although there are many advantages of "generation-skipping parents", it also brings a lot of "hidden dangers" that are not conducive to children's health and talent.
Among them, the biggest impact on children is the inconsistency of educational concepts, and there is less communication and cooperation between them, resulting in loopholes in educating children, and the consequence is that children are easy to exploit loopholes in management and education. Therefore, the two generations of parenting should have unified requirements and cannot do their own thing. If parents are strict with their children and grandparents are indulgent, the children will play a set of tricks in front of their faces and cannot form regular habits.
In fact, only when all family members adhere to consistent standard requirements, through the accumulation of cumulative and subtle influence, the child's behavioral awareness can be "stereotyped". At that time, the child will think that what he is doing is natural, will take the initiative to do it, and slowly form a habit. On the contrary, if there is a difference in education between parents and grandparents, on the one hand, children will feel at a loss, on the other hand, they will feel that they have something to rely on, so they will not do things according to the requirements of parents and mothers, when the attitude of parents is severe, they will feel suppressed, forced, and even more unwilling to do it, it is naturally difficult to form a positive habit.
2, always lie to the child, lie to the child one after another
When a child lies, parents generally feel very angry, believing that the child's lying is an unforgivable problem. But many parents don't know that the root cause of lying is often in themselves. If children do not lie, parents should start with themselves.
In movies or television we often see scenes where a child says to his mother or father, "You lie, I don't believe you!" "It is indeed a tragedy for a child to make such hysterical shouts of disappointment when he finds out that his parents have lied several times. Children who think their parents will lie, of course, will never listen to their parents again – even if the parents did not lie this time, the parents are telling the truth or even the big truth.
The reason why children feel so disappointed and resentful when they find out that their parents are lying is because parents always teach their children not to lie. Lying is an immoral or bad behavior. Many children have been scolded or even beaten by their parents for lying. Since parents demand and teach their children not to lie, why should they lie themselves? This is because sometimes children often pester their parents to ask for this and that, and they are noisy. In order to appease their children, parents have no choice but to use lies to trick him in exchange for temporary peace of mind.
In a Japanese book on children's education, a very vivid example was given: the author saw a 5-year-old child on a long-distance bus shouting: "My banana! The child's mother, afraid of disturbing the passengers around her, said, "There are no bananas!" She originally thought that this would coax the child to stop, but the child had already seen the banana on the luggage rack and insisted: "Yes!" Yes! The mother had no choice but to get up and pick one of the trunks and say, "Noisy!" Give you one, don't be noisy anymore! ”
In our daily lives, there are often times when the child's unreasonable demands overwhelm the parents, and in order to temporarily appease the child, they say, "There is no such thing." Or: "You don't have any more!" "Although the child is sometimes quiet for a while, coaxed, and not noisy, the consequences are bad. That is, once the child finds out that what the parents say is false and is lying, the parents will lose their authority in the child's mind, and the child will become more and more disobedient, and even lie more and more intensely, because he thinks that lying is justified.
Therefore, in order to correctly educate the child, when the child makes his request, if the parent thinks that the child's request is improper, he should be persuaded according to reason to point out the inappropriateness of the child's request. For example, tell him that there are so many passengers in the car, it is very inconvenient to pick up bananas in the luggage rack, which will disturb other people. Or patiently advise, just ate snacks and bananas, and now eat again, it will be bad for the stomach, and then eat it back at home later. Actively communicate with the child in this way, explain the reason, the child may not argue for bananas anymore.
On the other hand, if you do not reason with your child, the child does not understand that his own requirements are wrong, he only knows to argue, and thinks that as long as he argues, his parents will agree, and it will be more difficult to discipline in the future. At the same time, if parents refuse or prevaricate their children's requests by cajoling or lying, they will instead cause estrangement between children and their parents. Generally speaking, parents are often reluctant to correct their children's behavior in front of others, but only want to appease and coax their children to do things. This is not true. In order not to let the child develop bad habits, whether there is an outsider around, no matter what the occasion should correct the child's unreasonable demands.
Of course, it is not easy for children to understand things, and sometimes it is necessary to meet the requirements of children. As far as the above list of eating bananas is an example, parents can only say that it is inconvenient to take bananas on the bus, and we will eat them later when we get home. In this way, children can both know why their parents do not accept their own demands, and at the same time learn to control themselves and the norms of behavior in public. Similar to lying is that parents make false promises to their children and write "empty checks". This is also often a helpless act used by parents to appease their children in special circumstances.
The mother is forced to lie because she cannot get rid of the child's unreasonable demands and noise, so the parents write empty checks because the parents cannot meet the children's requirements and are forced to use the means. In daily life, parents ask their children to do homework, and children are naughty and unwilling to do homework. The mother remembered that her son had quarreled several times to go to the zoo, so she said, "You study hard, do your homework well, and tomorrow I will take you to the zoo to play." The child listened to his mother's words and did his homework seriously, but on Sunday his mother did not keep his promise and did not take him to the zoo.
A similar example is: "You obey, and your mother will buy you a toy tomorrow." "The son obeyed, and the next day his mother changed her mind and did not buy him new toys. In this way, although the parents use the "blank check" to temporarily coax the child, the child meets the parents' requirements, but when the promise is fulfilled, the parents lose their words and do not fulfill the promise, which creates a bad impression of not keeping the promise in front of the child, and when the child is asked to do something again in the future, the child may not only not listen, but also say: "I do not listen, I do not believe your lies!" ”
In short, parents should do a good job of setting an example for their children, and children will unconsciously imitate their parents' words and deeds, so what they ask their children not to do, parents cannot do first. In addition, parents should talk about credit to their children from an early age, and what they promised must be honored, and what they do not agree to must not be done. In this way, parents will have prestige in the minds of their children, and in the process of cultivating their children in the future, they can effectively educate their children.
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