During the Chinese New Year, the best movie in the focus of heated discussions is none other than "Hot and Hot", whose popularity has swept every corner of the public topic.
I'm sure you've been immersed in the in-depth and diverse analysis of this film by critics and audiences. Today, I would like to lead you to appreciate the unique value of "Hot and Hot" from the unique perspective of family education.
In my opinion, this film is not only a touching work of art, but also a vivid homeschooling textbook, and it conveys a crucial message with its deeply rooted story:
How to guide children to learn to value and love themselves in the process of growing up.
Through the life journey of Jia Ling's character Le Ying, the film profoundly reveals the importance of loving oneself for individual growth and a happy life, and undoubtedly provides a new educational inspiration and thinking direction for parents.
Education is one thing
Plant melons and get melons, plant beans and get beans
In Jia Ling's character Le Ying, we see the image of a woman who suffered a workplace setback after graduating from college and chose to stay at home for ten years. She weighs more than 200 pounds, rarely sets foot in the house, has little communication with the outside world, and her daily life is almost limited to eating and sleeping, as her sister described: "My sister's daily exercise is probably the occasional movement. ”
In the eyes of the world, Le Ying seems to be an out-and-out loser, at the mercy of others and ruthlessly used. Although the younger sister asked her, she opened with a derogatory tone:
"What have you done for your family over the years? Nearly forty years old, still dependent on his parents to live! ”
"You have no children, no daughters, and no partner, so when you are old, don't you still rely on me to visit you in a nursing home?"
And her boyfriend betrayed her, cheated on her best friend, and used this as an excuse to break up, and his words were full of blame: "In recent years, your personality has become more and more withdrawn and weird, and it is difficult to communicate. ”
When Le Ying revealed the truth, the seemingly guilty best friend said "I'm really sorry" and "No words can make up for the damage to you", but in an instant, she asked Le Ying to be a bridesmaid at her wedding, the reason was to avoid being labeled as a "little three" by others.
At the same time, in order to successfully turn positive on the TV station, her cousin cleverly coaxed Le Ying to participate in the reality show, but maliciously distorted the facts in the post-editing, portraying her as an indifferent person who insulted her parents. The cousin pleaded with pity and pleaded for cooperation: "Sister, I beg you, as long as you faint a little, I will be able to turn positive smoothly." ”
On the other hand, when Le Ying pretended to faint, she mercilessly filmed the camera in the face, trying to capture her crying to create the climax of the show. Seeing that Le Ying was not crying, she said coldly: "Since you can't cry, forget it, anyway, the footage is enough." ”
In the story, Le Ying and Hao Kun, a boxing coach played by Lei Jiayin, meet and live together. She selflessly advanced her salary to support Haokun to participate in boxing matches, accompanied him to train hard, and took care of his daily diet and daily life.
However, just because a few outspoken words angered Haokun, he was met with a roar from him: "What home!" I'm your object, and I'm the one who will accompany you home! Get out of here! "This kind of treatment makes people feel cold.
In the face of such sharp scolding, didn't Le Ying feel aggrieved, uncomfortable and painful? The answer was undoubtedly yes, and her heart was full of bitterness and bitterness.
However, she chose silence, chose forbearance, and never defended herself or fought for her rights.
Le Ying devoted almost all of her energy to catering to the needs of others and suppressing her own emotions, completely ignoring her own feelings and needs.
The reason behind this may be traced back to her childhood, when her parents were absent from her upbringing due to their perennial business abroad.
Parents who rarely see each other a few times a year have made Le Ying learn to bear all kinds of hardships in life alone since she was a child: she can only bear it silently when she is wronged, she chooses perseverance when she is excluded, she can only appreciate the things she likes from afar, and she is willing to give everything to exchange for the desire to be loved.
Therefore, even though she was deeply hurt, Le Ying still showed tolerance and dedication beyond ordinary people:
She transferred the property to her sister just so that her sister's daughter could go to school; She is willing to act as a bridesmaid for her best friend to avoid her innocent burden of the infamy of the mistress;
She cooperated with her cousin to create the effect of the show, even though the truth was right in front of her, she couldn't bear to debunk it; In the face of Haokun's insults, she chose to leave silently without any rebuttal.
These behaviors do not stem from moral nobility, but reveal Le Ying's unique pattern of getting along with others. She is deeply afraid that she will lose her value to others, so behind all her actions, there is a deep inferiority complex and an endless desire for true love.
As Le Ying herself said: "I thought that if I wanted to get a hug, I could only be nice to people." ”
Allow your child to do what he or she wants
It is the best gift
In this narrative, it is not intended to make any accusations against Le Ying's parents, who actually represent countless representative groups of parents -
I have unconsciously or consciously caused harm to my child, but now I am awake and aware of my mistakes, but I feel lost and helpless in how to rebuild harmony with my child.
I think that in the plot shown in the film, the three actions of Le Ying's parents are particularly worthy of our deep thought and reference.
First, they avoid blaming the child and instead provide the necessary assistance. When Le Ying and her sister escalate into a physical confrontation due to a verbal conflict, the younger sister retaliates with more fierce rhetoric, causing the quarrel between the two to reach a climax. Faced with such a situation, Le Ying was disheartened and decided to run away from home, look for a job and live in an independent apartment.
At this critical moment, her mother did not say words such as "As a sister, you should bear with it" or "Don't come back if you have the ability", but decisively took out 2,000 yuan to fund Le Ying: "If it's not enough, open up to your mother at any time." Although Le Ying declined the money, her mother still insisted on giving her 2,000 yuan again through WeChat transfer, and encouraged her with a postscript: "Daughter, your performance this time has impressed your mother with you, come on!" ”
This way of dealing with it did not criticize her, but gave Le Ying dual support on both the spiritual and material levels, helping her to take the first step steadily on the road to an independent life.
After about a year of tempering in the boxing gym, Le Ying successfully lost more than 100 pounds, and her figure is sweating and tenacious in the boxing gym. One day, my father came to visit her and shared a warm meal with her. He did not blame his daughter for not returning because she had been away from home for a long time, nor did he complain about her disobedience because of the traditional concept of filial piety, but praised from the bottom of his heart: "Le Ying, you have really changed, this is not only a weight loss, but also a change in the whole person's temperament and spiritual outlook." ”
During the dinner, Le Ying threw a vivid analogy to her father: "If you have two apples in your hand, one large and one small, and your friends ask you for them, which one will you give?" Without hesitation, the father replied, "Of course it will be given to the big one, but what about you?" Le Ying smiled slyly and responded, "I'll give them both." The father quipped, "It seems that my daughter must have a lot of friends." Le Ying smiled lightly and clarified: "Actually, that's not the case, my friends know that I don't like to eat apples very much." ”
The father then asked, "So now, what will you choose?" Le Ying replied indifferently: "Today's choice is all determined by mood." ”
This dialogue between father and daughter is full of understanding, listening and respect, which is a way of communication that has never been done before, but it is precisely the most sincere recognition and praise for the daughter. The father saw his daughter's growth and independence from a new perspective, and this respect and understanding were like a warm current, nourishing Le Ying's heart and shaping a more harmonious and deep father-daughter relationship.
On the stage of children's lives, parents are willing to become loyal audiences, applauding and applauding their children's every struggle. With her dream of becoming a professional boxer, Le Ying has finally reached the threshold after a year of hard training, but compared to those seasoned veterans, her strength is obviously still at a different level.
The moment she stepped into the ring, the fierce onslaught of her opponent hit her like a storm, knocking her to the ground mercilessly several times, her nose bleeding and her face bruised, but she was resilient and unyielding.
The parents, sitting in the audience, watched their daughter fall again and again, and struggled to get up again and again. They didn't say a word of dissuasion, behind this seemingly indifference, there was actually deep love and understanding, because they knew that it was their daughter's deepest wish to insist on finishing the race.
Until the last moment of the game, they watched intently at their daughter's tenacious struggle, and although they had mixed feelings in their hearts, they chose to give support and encouragement with silent applause.
The true meaning of life is often like this, parents do not need to sweep away all the thorns on the road ahead for their children, just silently accompany each other, and give warm applause and praise to their children's tenacity and perseverance, then, in this silent cheer, the child will quietly accumulate strength and become stronger day by day.
Love yourself first, then your children
Frankly, as a woman and a mother, I have a deep emotional empathy for the character of Le Ying.
It seems that in her, we see the self-portrayal of many people before they get involved in boxing -
What they show to the outside world is incomparably tolerant and understanding, but they are only harsh on themselves and difficult to let go;
They treat others with great kindness and warmth, but they often ignore the due compassion and care for themselves;
They accept the beauty of the world, but they often fail to accept their own imperfections and vulnerabilities.
We selflessly dedicate the kind, beautiful, and tolerant side of our lives to others, but keep the bitterness, pain, and troubles to ourselves. We compress our feelings and needs, forgetting that we are also hurt, heartbroken, and need to be noticed and understood.
However, the true meaning of life teaches us that if we do not first learn to love ourselves, we cannot pass that love on to others. Our tolerance, kindness, and acceptance, while full of expectations for others, do not allow others to truly feel the power of love.
I deeply agree with a wise quote from Ms. Li Xue: "The giving of love should start from oneself and then to children." "When you learn to care for yourself, forgive yourself, respect your inner feelings, and not be swayed by external disturbances and judgments of others, true love will flow like a stream in your heart.
At this moment, the love sowed by you is the unconditional love in the true sense. As the educator John Dewey emphasized, "The ultimate goal of education is to develop a sound personality." ”
If you want your child to grow up to be a self-loving person, then please lead by example, love and value yourself. This is just like the philosophy profoundly revealed in the poem "The Law of Love":
"It is an age-old fallacy to sacrifice oneself for greatness. When you devalue yourself and can't make me elevate it, I can only learn from your actions that 'I don't deserve to be loved'.
Self-sacrifice does not nourish, it is full of expectations, pressure, and burdens. Once I fail to meet your expectations, what I receive from you is no longer nourishment, but poison, a seed that breeds guilt, resentment, and even hatred.
I hope that your love will shine like the sun, making me feel warm, comfortable, abundant and joyful, and in your love I can nourish, grow, and learn how to give unconditionally.
For you have made me understand that my riches come from the never-drying source of love, which shines eternally and empowers me.
Let us learn from this and encourage us to move forward together. ”