On the afternoon of May 16th, a theme activity of Yuhua District School and Family Community Education Promotion Action with the theme of "Cultivating Heart and Empowering Yurun Flowers" was held, and a salon with the theme of "Positive Co-education and Empowering Growth" was also carefully set up in the event. Li Yan, a family education teacher and researcher from Changsha Institute of Educational Sciences, Wu Xianhua, an associate professor of law and lawyer at the Party School of Changsha Municipal Party Committee, as well as family education experts such as school secretaries, principals, teacher representatives, community secretaries, and parent representatives gathered together to discuss the causes and countermeasures of the main troubles and problems in the process of children's growth, and provided parents with scientific parenting concepts on hot topics such as academic pressure, mobile phone management, and interpersonal communication.
What did the family education experts say on the spot? Huahua compiled a transcript, and parents quickly watched!
Li Huaying, secretary and principal of Kaizhao Primary School in Yuhua District, and a national second-level psychological counselor
It is normal for children to have troubles, this is just an experience in their life and growth, and we parents should guide them correctly and do not need to be overly anxious. Of course, we can't turn a blind eye to children's troubles, and many troubles, if we don't deal with them, can easily evolve into problems and become more and more serious. On campus, children would come up to me and complain, "Mom Principal, my mom gave me two more test papers yesterday. "My mom added two more classes to me over the weekend." …… If parents do not listen to their children's voices and pay attention to their children's expressions, some children may have antagonistic emotions, and once there are more such emotions, the relationship between children and parents will be particularly tense, and psychological problems related to academic pressure will also arise. In addition, the problems caused by mobile phone management and interpersonal communication are also very common, which have a great impact on children's growth, and especially need the attention and attention of our school, family and society. Because these problems have developed to a certain extent, the child's psychological problems are likely to be accompanied by physiological reactions, such as loss of appetite, rapid heartbeat, insomnia, etc., these physiological symptoms may further increase the child's psychological burden, forming a vicious circle, and the child may have extreme behaviors of self-harm when he is physically and mentally exhausted.
Therefore, when a child has troubles, we need to identify them, see the problems of the child, see the needs behind the child's behavior, give the child support, and seek external assistance when necessary, so as to prevent the child's troubles from becoming real psychological problems.
Li Zhen, Secretary of the General Party Branch and Chief Principal of Shazitang Education Group, Yuhua District
The healthy growth of children is our common wish. I believe that we should not only help families and children who have problems from the downstream, but also attribute them from the upstream and find a solution to the root cause of the problem from the source. There are three reasons for this:
First, although it has been more than two years since the promulgation of the "Family Education Promotion Law", some people still have cognitive biases about the responsibility of minors for education and do not realize the importance of family education. Family is the cradle of children's growth, and parents are children's first teachers and the best teachers. Education must be preceded by nurturing, nurturing first, and teaching last. A good family education must be for parents to pay attention to words and deeds, so that children can imperceptibly feel the habits in life, simple emotions, daily interactions, and respect for life. On the contrary, if the child lacks family education and the quality of parental companionship with the child is not high, the child is likely to have behavioral deviations and psychological problems.
Second, times have changed, children have changed, but parents' educational behavior has not kept up. Today's children are smart, lively and receptive, but they are adolescence earlier and face more challenges, and they crave to be seen, respected, and encouraged. Teacher Lu Qin, a well-known family education expert, pointed out that today's family environment is facing five major conflicts, parents' excessive expectations bring their children's hopelessness, excessive protection brings children's incompetence, excessive doting brings children's ruthlessness, too much interference brings children's helplessness, and too many accusations bring children's helplessness. Every child is a developing life, parents should read their children, and insist that "educating people" must be more important than "educating people".
Third, there is a contradiction between supply and demand in family education guidance, and many parents hope to get more professional family education guidance. Improving teachers' ability to guide family education is a new requirement for home-school-community collaborative education in the new era, and our school is vigorously encouraging teachers to take a "family education instructor certificate" to cultivate a group of new forces to guide parents to carry out family education.
Finally, I hope that parents will be more understanding and supportive of the school teachers, and we will work together to face the problems that arise in the process of children's growth, actively reflect together, make positive changes, and grow together with children.
Chen Fang, deputy secretary and vice principal of Changjun Yuhua Foreign Chinese School, and a national second-level psychological counselor
Academic stress is the main stress of middle school students, and it is one of the main factors affecting the mental health of middle school students. As a teacher who has worked in secondary schools for many years, and as a parent of secondary school students, I have a direct and real sense of the academic pressure that students face. There are many reasons for academic pressure, such as heavy homework load, high expectations of parents, self-pressure on students, fierce competition, etc., so some children cannot find the joy of learning; Some children study until 12 o'clock at night every day, resulting in serious sleep deprivation, and some children work very hard but cannot get the desired grades, so they self-denial, confusion, and even emo.
How can I help my child de-stress? I think parents and friends should be respectful and accepting!
Be respectful of your child's differences. The world is rich because of differences, and children must not be measured by a single criterion of academic achievement. Parents should see the child's shining point, maybe the child can sing, or is good at sports, or has strong hands-on ability, or has high emotional intelligence and is good at communication...... Parents need to find their children's strengths to encourage their children and respect their differences, because children have no shortcomings, only characteristics!
It is necessary to respect the laws of children's development. There is a process of growth, and we can't rush it, let alone pull out the seedlings to help them grow. In the video, there are too many children worrying about the training class, and parents are confused that their children are unwilling to attend the training class or the training class is ineffective, which is really not uncommon! Some children have six or seven training classes a week, kindergarten learning primary school content, elementary school learning junior high school content, junior high school content...... Please think about it, if you study in advance, will your child still have interest and enthusiasm for learning when he "stirs up leftovers" in class? While the results are small, it is not conducive to the sustainable development of students' learning.
It is also necessary to accept the ordinariness of children. Someone has made statistics that 95% of the world's people are ordinary people, 4% of people have a little achievement, and only 1% can make a big contribution. Both parents and children themselves must accept that they may be "born ordinary". "Changing one's life against the sky" can become a person's belief in moving forward, but it should not become an unbearable burden for life.
Now that the graduation season is approaching, the children facing the high school entrance examination and the college entrance examination are already under great academic pressure, so parents and friends are invited to help the children relieve pressure, ensure that the children have enough sleep, and let the children meet the important moments of life physically and mentally.
Finally, to borrow a sentence from writer Liang Xiaosheng in his work "The World": "If the child is an ordinary person, then he will be happy; If it's outstanding, let it fly. Accept the mediocrity of a child, just as a child never asks how good his parents must be".
Xiao Meifang, chief of the famous class teacher studio of Yajing Middle School in Yuhua District, Changsha City
As a junior high school class teacher and a parent, I feel that learning pressure is not only a subjective feeling, but also an objective existence, adolescence is the second peak of self-awareness development, they will face a lot of pressure, instead of anxiety, it is better to act, I now offer you three strategies:
First, we parents should do our best and teach by example rather than by words.
Instead of us being overly anxious, it is better to shift our attention from overly concerned about the child to doing our own good, we work hard, be positive, cultivate ourselves in life, read well, and the child will be infected by the ears and eyes, and she will naturally develop in the ideal direction.
Second, we need to focus on dialogue and communication with adolescent children.
How can children listen to what they say? Are you willing to listen? We need to listen patiently to the children's voices, understand the real thoughts in the children's hearts, and respond in a timely manner. A trick to teach you is to repeat your child's words, such as: your child says he is stressed. We can respond: "Yes, I've been under a lot of pressure lately. Then he will crackle and talk about his troubles, and then we just need to cooperate with him to say "um", "ah", "oh", "yes", and listen to him quietly, and the child's heart will be much happier after speaking, and the troubles will be reduced by half.
Then, when we talk to the child, we can first describe the facts we observed, "I see that you have been trying"; Then describe our feelings, "I feel like you do put a lot of effort into your studies"; Speaking of our hopes, "I want us to work together to solve the problems we are facing."
Finally, work with your child to discuss ways to solve the problem.
When a child is experiencing academic stress, we can start by asking, "How do you want to solve this problem?" Then affirm her, "It's good that you can think of these methods, mom has a few experiences to relieve study pressure, which one do you think is suitable for your ......", and then parents can ask, "How do you need mom to help you?" "Parents give their child full trust and help, and accompany him to solve problems together.
We can't avoid the pressure of growing up academically, but we need to explore how to face it with a certain mentality. It is expected that wise parents can become the strongest supporters of their children, turn the pressure of learning into motivation, and help their children move forward towards their dreams.
Wu Xianhua, associate professor of law and lawyer at the Party School of the Changsha Municipal Party Committee
For electronic products such as mobile phones, our feelings are so complicated, it can be described as a mixture of love and hate, both love and hate. I love less about mobile phones and hate more because I have witnessed so many children being devastated by mobile phones, and now they have become unrecognizable, some are depressed, and some are autistic. There is a high school student, because he is addicted to mobile phones and the Internet, so he locked himself in a rental house and did not come out, for more than a year, his mother put food at the door at 5 p.m. every day, so that the child would not starve to death. So, what should we do in the face of such a serious problem of mobile phone addiction to the internet?
In fact, the whole country is considering this issue from top to bottom, and on January 1 this year, a new regulation was implemented, that is, the "Regulations on the Protection of Minors on the Internet", which not only protects the legitimate rights and interests of minors on the Internet, but also prevents and controls the addiction to electronic products such as mobile phones. At this moment, I would like to say to the government, please strengthen the supervision of the platform, so that those content related to terrorism and pornography will not have the opportunity to harm our young people; Secondly, I would like to say to schools that it is unrealistic to completely isolate children from Internet mobile phones, especially today, when AI technology is coming, please pay attention to improving the Internet literacy of young students, and at the same time strengthen the management of students' mobile phones and other electronic products in accordance with the law, and strengthen the early identification and intervention of mobile phone addiction and Internet addiction; Third, I would like to say to parents that the family should take on more important responsibilities, because the children are our own, and if the child has a problem, it is useless for you to blame the school and the society. Here, I have four lessons to share with parents:
The first is to start from ourselves and play a good role as demonstrators. If you want your child not to be addicted to mobile phones, parents must not be addicted to mobile phones.
Second, we must play the role of a good companion and achieve high-quality companionship for children. For example, parent-child reading, taking children to enjoy the great rivers and mountains of the motherland during the holidays, so that children can be liberated from mobile phone addiction. Remember, if we don't accompany our children, our phones will take advantage of it.
The third is to face the problem of children's addiction to mobile phones in accordance with the law and rationally. Some parents in addition to beating or scolding, seriously damage the child's physical and mental health, sometimes you snatch the child's mobile phone in public or beat and scold the child, he (she) will fight with you, or even make more extreme moves.
Fourth, we must be well prepared to fight a protracted war, and we must have the concept of making achievements for a long time. It's not a one-time education or confiscation of a phone, and there's no shortcut to that.
Take action to save the kids!
Li Yan, a family education teacher and researcher at Changsha Institute of Educational Sciences
Under the wave of digitalization, how should parents guide their children to use mobile phones reasonably? I have three suggestions: don't be easy, don't be obsessed, and don't be arbitrary.
First, don't easily equip your child with a smartphone. If you have a mobile phone, you should first sign the "Family Mobile Phone Use Convention". Parents need to be self-disciplined, parents need to improve their own literacy first, and ask their children to do it before they do it. Agree to make requirements for your children, agree on the purpose of the mobile phone, and the duration of use. Parents and children agree on "no mobile phone time" for the family. Do not use your mobile phone when eating, it is recommended not to put your mobile phone in the bedroom when sleeping, and configure smart watches to reduce mobile phone dependence.
Second, the mobile phone is moderately disconnected to enrich offline social networking. We can disconnect from our mobile phones through our playmates: for example, there are primary schools in Changsha with multi-family "companion play groups" that continue to carry out weekend leisure education, wonderful nights in the aquarium, learning to cook with Hunan cuisine masters, and rural experiences in spring. These activities are organized by enthusiastic parents on a rotational basis, so why can they be carried out continuously? It shows that offline companions are "addictive" to play together! We can also disconnect mobile phones through sports: a primary school in Changsha has carried out a "Dad BA" basketball game, a parent-child rope skipping competition, etc., and the school has driven the family's enthusiasm for sports. As a parent, you should continue to cultivate your child's interest in sports, such as ball games and other confrontational sports, to help him find the feeling of "addiction" to sports! Mobile phones are a good tool, but we can't be tool people. We can go from being a receiver of information to an exporter. There is a father in Changsha who is doing very well. He discusses a hot online news with his children every day, listens to his children's views, encourages them to think actively, and leads them to value. Some of our families also have family meetings, but often they are "reckoning meetings after the fall." In fact, a family meeting can be part of a discussion about what has been viewed on social media in recent times.
Third, pay attention to identifying risks and disconnect scientifically. A father was distressed that his daughter was in an abnormal mood and said to me, "She only plays with her mobile phone, and I don't know how to talk to my daughter so old." "Chatting is a parent-child routine, and if it is a lack of parent-child trust, we can find ways to fix it. However, if the child is overly dependent on mobile phones, parents should pay special attention to it, and professional consultation and treatment are required if necessary. In addition, when the child is highly excited to play mobile games, parents should not grab the mobile phone angrily, or even smash his mobile phone, which is easy to stimulate the child's stress response, at this time his rational brain is turned off, and he may do something out of line with you.
In short, mobile phone use is also a habit formation. It is not a task that teenagers can accomplish alone, but needs school guidance, social support, and the joint efforts of all family members.
Zhang Hongbo, Secretary of the General Party Branch and General Principal of Yuhua District Maple Hill Education Group
Recently, there have been two incidents of parental conflict caused by student fights at the school, so I would like to talk about the topic of interpersonal communication.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are all human beings. Human beings are social animals, and it is impossible for any one person to exist alone from the group. Especially in this era of globalization, leaving the group means being ruthlessly abandoned by society.
Our children also need to socialize in groups. When there is interaction, there will inevitably be physical and verbal contact. Therefore, flirting, pushing, pulling, and even kicking and beating between children are all a kind of interaction between children, especially boys. As long as the other party is not malicious, not many times, and does not cause serious consequences, we should not pay too much attention to it, and let the child solve it by himself, or we can leave it to the teacher to help deal with it. We should not easily characterize the behavior of certain children as bullying by students, let alone let parents and parents speak badly to each other, or even add fists and kicks. Some of our children have already had problems with interpersonal interactions, and if these problems are not properly handled, they will become anxious and depressed, which will affect their academic performance and even physical and mental health. Parents' brutal intervention can make children who are already inexperienced in interpersonal communication even more confused and overwhelmed.
Of course, children's interpersonal communication also includes the interaction between children and parents, children and teachers and other adults, and we adults can model and guide children more. Help build children's self-confidence in communication, learn to cooperate and share, learn to manage emotions, create social opportunities for them, and teach them some communication skills, then children will be able to integrate well into peers, collectives, and society.
Children have many peers around them and harmonious interpersonal relationships, and children will feel happy and empowered, and it will be easier to succeed in the future when they go to work, even if they encounter setbacks, pessimism and disappointment, they will not easily go to a dead end.
Qin Wenlin, secretary and director of Donglanwan Community, Lituo Street, Yuhua District
We know that many children are not happy at home now, but they are happy as soon as they step out of the house. I wondered, why is that? In our community, we have specially created a 300-square-meter emotional through train immersive experience center for children, where children can vent and release when they are unhappy, and we also have professional psychological teachers to follow up on psychological treatment; If children have interpersonal problems, we have professional social workers and psychologists to answer their questions and relieve their emotions. If children feel that parent-child communication is not smooth, we will also regularly invite family education experts to give lectures, and there are various parent-child activities during winter and summer vacations.
On the one hand, our community has carried out strategic cooperation with Changsha Civil Affairs Vocational and Technical College to establish a practice base in the community, and teachers and students from all departments come to the community to support services; On the other hand, our community has also integrated the resources of 48 enterprises and institutions in the jurisdiction to jointly provide diversified services for children.
So here, I also call on all parents to take their children out of the family, out of the school, into the community, to experience a third space that can listen, vent, release, and heal in addition to the family and school, thank you.
Source丨Reporter Li Lei of the District Financial Media Center District Education Bureau
Editor-in-charge丨Yan Kai Editor丨Fu Yamei
Deputy Editor-in-Chief on Duty丨Li Lei
Editor-in-Chief丨Xiong Qiyu
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