Dear parents, hello everyone. I am Li Hongfei from the Parent Education and Family Culture Research Branch of the Beijing Education Association. Today we are going to continue to talk to you about children's habits, this lesson we talk about children's speech expression and communication habits.
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As mentioned earlier, the expression of speech in the four disciplines of Confucius is the second most important lesson after the virtue of children. We also know how many sentences adults have to say every day, from morning to night, if we record it, there will be one or two hundred sentences as few as one hundred, and more than a few hundred sentences and thousands of sentences.
But have we ever done an analysis of what others like to hear and which of these words are words that others don't like to hear? If we can distinguish clearly, if we want to improve our relationship with others, let us say things, make others more willing to listen, and say more nice words, this will definitely promote the harmony of our relationship and improve our virtues.
01
Parents want their children to take the initiative to do something
Be sure to learn to engage in conversational dialogue
We have to say so many sentences every day, and if we teach everyone to speak everything, these ten minutes today is far from enough. So what to do?
We still use the teaching method of traditional Chinese martial arts, and select five sentences of hundreds of sentences to be spoken in a day as the basic skill.
Parents and children, after learning, do it at home. This will also greatly reduce the difficulty of parents learning how to speak. What do parents bother their children the most? Disobedience, the most annoying children speak impolitely, especially disrespectful to parents.
Today we will try to see how to make each other more comfortable to talk between parents and children, or between family members, between husband and wife or between parents and in-laws.
In the relationship between people, it is very important to work together, who does a person work with the most?
The first is a family member, who works more; the second is in school with teachers and classmates; the third is an adult in the unit with leading colleagues, as well as customers, more work together.
In the process of working together, the core of a team's management is to decompose the big things of a team into small things that everyone has to do. Family management is also like this, as a parent, the parent is the highest leader at home, the family is an organization, but also a team, its organization leader, is the parent.
For example, if parents want their children to be willing to work at home, then parents must realize that children must develop good habits through work, and if he does nothing at home, it is difficult to improve his hands-on practical ability. In this regard, how parents let their children work and how to distribute work to their children is very important.
Suppose, the parent still wants the child to take out the garbage, how do you send this job with him?
"Son, help me get the trash out", which may be one way, if the child refuses, "I don't pour, I'm busy right now, I'm playing a game, I don't pour it for you." ”
If the child rejects the parents, it is easy to have conflicts at this time. Can parents master a way of speaking, or master a way of pie work, so that children have no pressure in communication?
Let's teach you a method, or take the incident just now as an example.
"You helped me get the garbage out", which is a command and a task. Now what do I say? I added two words "I want" at the front of this task and three words "Is it okay" after this task, so I changed the phrase - "Son, I want you to help me take out the garbage, can you?" "We turned the imperative form into a negotiated, agreed form.
Since it is "can it be", it is a discussion, and the child can agree or refuse. In case the child says, "No, I'm busy right now, I can't help you pour, I can't do it right now." "Parents also have steps to retreat.
Suppose the child agrees to do it, then, agreeing to do it must be that he is 100% willing to do it. This is a simple way for our children to turn orders into discussions through the simple "I think, can I do it", so that children can do it from doing it, from what parents let me do, to what I want to do.
There is another advantage of this, parents especially want their children to take the initiative to do things, if parents always give orders to their children, what opportunities does the child have to make autonomous decisions about what he wants to do?
Not only is it a daily chore, but also a child's study, if parents always say, "You give me a lesson, you're going to start learning right away." Even if the child says, "I have begun to learn," he is following the orders of his parents, and he will think that "it is the parents who let me learn, not that I am actively learning." ”
Therefore, parents must remember that if you want your child to be able to take the initiative to do things, you must learn to discuss, let the child learn to choose and make decisions independently, which is the first sentence we give everyone - "I want to do, can I?" ”
02
First words of the morning meeting
It's actually very critical
When there is something, we have to learn to use the negotiation style, but in the family, where is there so much work and so many things every day? The same is true in the unit, between colleagues, or colleagues who usually have few opportunities to work with other departments, or with the boss, how to say hello, this is very important.
There are two very important points in time for people to get along, one is when they meet, and the other is when they are separated, and I have prepared another four sentences for everyone.
In the morning, when you see your family, or your child meets a teacher or classmate, how to greet each other on the first side, including how parents meet leaders and colleagues, how to greet each other, which is very important.
How do people say hello, we don't make a particularly hard request, you can be like the old Beijing, "Hey, have you eaten", yes. If you don't have a better way to greet, we've got one way for you.
Start by asking for a "good morning and a nice day". Saying hello and giving another blessing is one of our standard ways. In fact, every family, or school, can have its own unique approach.
But if you say "good morning, have a good day," I'll say you must have listened to our lessons, which is a little code we made.
Many parents will urge their children to get up, I suggest, parents do not urge their children to get up, why? Because the solution of the day lies in the morning, if the child is under pressure in the morning, it is easy to accumulate the qi when he gets up. Sometimes children are also very unhappy, why can't parents give their children a special happy start?
So, what if the child is still in bed? In fact, parents only need to make a reminder - "Good morning baby, happy day, it's now eight o'clock, you decide you can't get up." ”
Parents must remember that you are not in a hurry than your child, if you take care of everything for your child, your child will no longer take the initiative to do things.
03
After coming home in the evening
A wrong greeting will anger the other person
There are also two sentences, which are the dialogue between parents and children when the children are out of school in the afternoon. Parents meet with their children, it is reasonable that the children should take the initiative to greet the parents, how does the child greet the parents?
Our requirements for children are to first say to the parents, "Mom and Dad, you have worked hard all day, you are waiting for me to pick me up here." You must first learn to be hard, and the standard saying is "Good evening, a hard day." "But when you use it specifically, you can flexibly grasp it."
Next, back home, many parents are particularly prone to ask their children homework, "Did you keep your homework?" Have you finished your homework? How did you take the exam? ”
In fact, many times if you only care about your child's learning, the child is very unhappy, do not believe you just ask to try, ask the child is not happy?
We ask parents, after seeing their children, they can say the same words as above, "Baby you have also worked hard", what do you say next? Don't ask about homework, don't ask about studying, just ask the child "Come back, are you happy today?" "Be sure to remember to ask the child's mood, don't ask about things, as soon as you ask things, it will cause the child to be unhappy."
The same is true among adults, if the female comrades leave work early and start cooking at home, and the male comrades return home, the first words when they see their wives are, "Wife, is the meal ready?" "Wife, did you show me the child's homework?" "Wife, did you do that for my mother?" ”......
If you start to ask about the progress of this matter, think about it in tone, is your lover happy?
If you put it another way, "Is the wife happy today?" Tired today? And then ask the next few things, and the effect will be completely different.
Therefore, in the afternoon, everyone must remember the first road of hard work, and then ask the mood "good evening, a hard day", "Come back, are you happy today?" ”。
Remember these two sentences, remember another sentence before going to bed at night, and it is also a kind of separation before going to bed.
We all know that no matter how good the relationship between husband and wife, no matter how good the parent-child relationship is, it is impossible to have the same dream. In fact, when everyone goes to sleep, they are dreaming of each other, and at this time, they must also say hello.
A way to say hello to everyone is "good night, have a good dream", and we hope that each family member can start their life in their dreams with such a night greeting.
04
Five-sentence summary
Today I told you about how to train the basic skills of verbal expression and communication habits, a total of five sentences.
The first sentence is that when we work with people, when we ask others for help, we must first say, "What do I want to do... May I? ”。
The second sentence is, when we meet and when we are apart, in the morning, remember to say "Good morning, have a good day." ”
Many of our experimental schools, in the morning at the school gate, this is a scene, teachers and classmates are saying "good morning, happy day".
The third sentence is, in the afternoon, first remember each other's hard work, "Good evening, a hard day."
The fourth sentence is, ask the mood to ask the feeling, "Coming back, are you happy today?" ”
The fifth sentence is to say, "Good night, have a good dream before going to bed at night." ”
We also hope that, through the five kind words, the traditional culture of early and late to be safe will be restored.
If we can do this with our parents, I think our relationship with our parents will also be very good. If the child speaks these five sentences to the parents from an early age, I think that the child's filial piety must be easier to achieve consummation.
Today's sharing, first here, I hope you can apply five good words to your family, as well as your child's school, and the parents' work unit, thank you, we will see you in the next course.