Yesterday I took a taxi with a male friend, and the taxi driver was very talkative, and as soon as he got on the bus, he opened the conversation box and asked about his friend's profession.
When the friend said that he was doing children's education work, the driver grinned loudly: "What kind of children's education do the masters do?" Teaching children is a fucking child, and I'll just make money! ”
I have to say that even in modern society, the traditional concept of "male outside, female inside" is still deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, resulting in the frequent occurrence of widow-style parenting problems today, hurting children and wives invisibly.
The famous psychologist Gerdy once said: "Fathers are a unique existence and have a special power to cultivate children." ”
There is a study in the psychology community in the United States that shows that fathers have 50 times the influence of children on the growth of children than mothers.
Both father and mother are indispensable roles in the development of children.
However, like the driver friend above, many fathers have low participation in their children's homeschooling. The existence of these fathers has brought huge and far-reaching negative effects to the growth of children.
In particular, the following 3 kinds of fathers are tantamount to a "disaster" for the growth of children, and the negative impact may accompany the child for a lifetime, and even less than some single-parent families for the child.
The "Invisible Man" in Children's Family Education
There is a famous saying in the school of psychoanalysis: a place where there is no response is a hopeless situation.
For children, if there is a long-term lack of emotional response from their father, it is equivalent to living in a "place of no response", in a "desperate situation".
Due to busy work and high pressure in life, many fathers inadvertently become "invisible people" in their children's family education, and whenever children try to establish emotional contact with their fathers, they are exchanged for perfunctory and impatient.
Fan Deng once shared an experience with his child, once he accompanied his son to dictate, while reading his own books, while reading his children's language books, reading a word at a time.
Within a few minutes, Fan Deng heard his son crying and saying to him, "Daddy, don't you dictate to me, I don't think you want to dictate to me at all."
Although the children are simple-minded, they are very sensitive to the emotional companionship of their fathers, and if the father is absent-minded and uses the attitude of "coping with errands" to get along with the children, it will naturally make the children feel distant.
In the process of children's growth, the existence of the father can give him courage, curiosity, sense of responsibility, perseverance and other good qualities, and once the father becomes the "invisible person" in family education, it is easy to cause the child to be lost in the process of growth, and it is not conducive to establishing a close parent-child relationship between each other.
The "dictator" who educates children
For Zhu Ziqing's essay "Back Shadow", I believe that everyone is not unfamiliar, the father in the text is kind, considerate, silent, and the father image in many people's hearts is roughly the same.
What most people don't know, however, is that the relationship between Zhu Ziqing and his father is not harmonious, and can even be called bad.
Zhu Ziqing's father lived in a feudal society, was a typical "Chinese-style father", practiced "father as son", educated Zhu Ziqing harshly and harshly, and was a "dictator" in family education.
In 1920, Zhu Ziqing graduated from Peking University and became the director of the Eighth Middle School of Yangzhou Province, and his father actually took Zhu Ziqing's first month's salary by virtue of his personal relationship with the principal.
Since then, the relationship between Zhu Ziqing and his father has become worse and worse, and he has not hesitated to go to other places to teach until his father's death, and the two have not reconciled.
The more dramatic scene is that after Zhu Ziqing became his father, he also became the famous strict father, "the dragon slayer warrior eventually became a dragon", and he became the most hated person when he was a child.
In real life, there are not a few fathers who are accustomed to educating their children with "authority", forcing their children to grow up according to the rules they have set, and cannot have the slightest disobedience.
However, such an education method can easily make children become cowardly and inferior, affect the development of children's personality, fear and hate their fathers, and live in the shadow of the original family throughout their lives.
Grumpy "explosive packs"
As the "top pillar" of the family, the father often bears greater pressure, if the emotional control ability is slightly poor, he will not be able to help but turn into a grumpy "explosive package" at home, and vent to the child at every turn.
Colleague Kobayashi often quarrels with his lover for this reason, and sometimes a little trivial matter will also become the fuse of the other party's temper explosion, which is out of control.
I once went to the neighbor Kobayashi's house, and Kobayashi's lover was repairing the kitchen faucet and asking the child to help bring the wrench. Within two minutes, Kobayashi's lover was already angry and shouted at his 6-year-old son, "Stupid like a pig!" It's so hard to find a wrench"! And the child could not help but have tears in his eyes, full of trepidation and helplessness.
In fact, in the child's family education, tantrums are always the next policy, the father is grumpy, the harm to the child is devastating, not only will make him lose his sense of security, but also let the child become easy to lose control of emotions, advocating a violent way to solve the problem.
Crooked Mom Conclusion:
The Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka once said, "It is terrible to think that my parents do not have to go through the exam." ”
Educating children is not an easy task, good fathers can become a role model for children, truly achieve "fatherly love like a mountain", let children go further in the future, and bad fathers will also ruin the future of children, let children encounter "disasters", I hope that every father can encourage together.
Today's topic: Do you have these 3 kinds of fathers around you?
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