Contemporary writer Long Yingtai wrote in her collection of essays, "Seeing And Sending": "The so-called father-daughter-mother-child relationship only means that your fate with him is that you are constantly watching his back drift away in this life and this life. This sentence, which is well versed in the hearts of young people, became popular all over the Internet as soon as it was published.
Many children will take this sentence out to support themselves when arguing with their parents, indicating that parents should not interfere too much with themselves. And the elderly parents, in the face of this sentence that suddenly exploded on the Internet, although they were not angry in their hearts, they were speechless, so they had to sigh while whispering "This little bunny cub has hardened its wings and learned to resist" to talk about self-deprecation.
The back shadow is really a word with its own picture, and our generation after the 80s and 90s will naturally think of Mr. Zhu Ziqing's famous prose when they see this word. In just a few words, the text outlines the image of a father's love, especially the scene of the father insisting on climbing over the fence to buy oranges for him despite the clumsiness of his body.
Zhu Ziqing's "Back Shadow"
However, Zhu Ziqing's relationship with his father was not very harmonious, and after the article "Back Shadow" was published, the brothers bought back the magazine to show his father. The relationship between father and son was once in deep trouble, and the reason for the two people's infamy was mainly due to the collision of old and new ideas.
The Three Principles and Five Constants Ideology, with "the father and son of the emperor and the subject" as the core, has always been the program used by the ruler to govern the country, so the big parents of the old-fashioned families like Zhu Ziqing's father have control over their children deep in the marrow.
However, since the fall of the Qing Dynasty, the new idea of freedom and equality has been deeply rooted in the hearts of the people, and the new generation of young people represented by Zhu Ziqing is naturally unwilling to be bound by the old ideas anymore, so family contradictions are increasing day by day.
In fact, as for how to deal with the relationship between parents and children, as early as the Warring States period, Zhao Guozuoshi Touch Dragon explained clearly to Empress Zhao. However, to this day, the relationship between parents and children is still the most difficult relationship in many people's hearts.
Touch the dragon said Empress Zhao
Parents must be good at traveling in the near future
Confucius said in the Analects of Li Ren: "Parents are here, not far away, and there will be a good way to travel." ”
But many of our young people now disagree with this statement. Many people think that when they are in their twenties and thirties, they are in the best years of their lives, and they should go south and north to see it everywhere. Instead of staying by your parents' side every day, you can live a life that you can see at a glance.
Therefore, children born rebellious will run away from home at a young age; children who are not so rebellious, after obeying their parents to finish high school, fill in the college entrance examination volunteer is how far away from home, just think of being far away from their parents.
They do not deny that filial piety is a traditional virtue of the Chinese nation, but between observing traditional virtues and pursuing their own ideals in life, they choose to live themselves.
Parents are here, not far to travel, the tour must be good
Now that the traffic is developed, you can go wherever you want. And because of the high-speed development of the Internet, no matter where people are, as long as they open a video call, they can achieve a dialogue close at hand. However, although scientific and technological means have infinitely narrowed the distance between people, the distance between parents and children does not seem to be naturally close with the progress of science and technology.
Packing up their bags and running away from home alone, turning off their phones, and blocking their parents with their contacts are all new ways for this generation of young people to break off their relationships with their parents in the new technological situation. But when they are no longer young, they will understand that there is nothing wrong with the earlier parents' fate, so many people will choose to turn around and go home to find a job in the system, get married and have children, and accept the knees of their parents.
Although the voice of young people shouting to be independent and go to the big city is so loud, when the loneliness of being in a foreign country far defeats the sense of self-reliance, returning to the small town is the real choice in their hearts, and the fierce competition in the civil service examination every year fully demonstrates this fact.
Probably only when this generation of young people are truly parents can they truly understand their parents. They are always eager to declare sovereignty at home, to pursue freedom, always feel that they have grown up, and can't understand why their parents always treat themselves like children.
"The old mother is a hundred years old, and the long-term worries are eighty." This sentence is a true portrayal of every parent, and it is not exaggerated at all. No matter how old a child is, he will always be a child in the eyes of his parents.
Father's admonition
The love of parents and sons is far-reaching
Loving children is the instinct of parents, but many parents do not love their children, they think that their love for their children is just blind coddling, but it will harm their children.
In the article "Touching the Dragon Says Empress Zhao", Touching the Dragon pointed out to the point that if the Empress Dowager was worried about Chang'an Jun going to the State of Qi to suffer, and was not willing to let him go to the State of Qi as a hostage, then the benefit to him was only that he did not have to suffer in life for a period of time. However, in the future, Chang'an Jun, who had made no contribution to the country, who would support Empress Zhao after his death?
Empress Zhao thought that she loved Chang'an Jun very much, but she took it upon herself to deprive herself of the opportunity to try a new life, overcome new difficulties, contribute to the Zhao kingdom, and accumulate political capital for herself. Such love is selfish, more harmful than hate to a child.
Therefore, Touching Dragon said to Empress Zhao: "The love of parents and sons is far-reaching." ”
Empress Zhao
Fang Zhongyong's father is a negative case, the Fang family, who have been cultivating the land for generations, do not have enough educational experience, so in the face of such a talented child, they will not plan for the child's long-term future, but only use the child's natural instinct to seek temporary face for the father. Such a short-sighted family education idea has caused a generation of geniuses to fall.
Although Fang Zhongyong's story is sympathetic, his father has the limitations of his experience and insight, and he cannot completely blame his father. Nowadays, in the environment where many families and many families smash pots and sell iron and buy a school district house to invest in their children's education, there are still many parents who only want to benefit for a while, and harm their children for a lifetime.
The first prize of the Yunnan Youth Science and Technology Innovation Achievement Project (primary school students) group is a paper written by a primary school student on rectal cancer, and many complex experiments and difficult data in the paper are like reading a book in the eyes of many adults, and it is obvious that it will not be the academic achievements completed by this primary school student alone.
In the end, the investigation proved that his parents had done all this behind their backs. Violating the rules of the child's growth, he will not hesitate to cheat to win some awards for the child.
Although it seems to make the child have unlimited scenery for a while, but growing up in such an environment, it is difficult to cultivate a child with the right value, and the parents' illegal and disorderly behavior will definitely lead the child astray.
Family
After listening to so many truths, I still can't live this life well
Han Han has a line in his movie "After the End", which has been hotly discussed since the release of the movie, this sentence "Why have you heard a lot of truths, but still can't live this life?" "Once it became a template for major public names to take titles." In the end, it was also translated into a humorous phrase by talented netizens: "Reason understands, but eggs." ”
The relationship between parents and children is also repeated in many cases.
When we face the bitterness of our parents, although we repeatedly tell ourselves that they are just ordinary parents, they are not very good at doing so, but the starting point is for our own good, we should understand and tolerate. But many times we can't be calm and considerate of our parents, and this communication will generally end with a big fight or even a word to break off the relationship.
In the face of the naughtiness and naughtiness of the child, although we have repeatedly told our own biological children, the child's nature is like this, as long as it does not cause any major harm, it is lucky, we should treat him gently. But the anger in my heart just couldn't be suppressed, and I couldn't take it without a fight.
Why is that?
Because we've only heard about these truths, but we don't really understand them.
When we really understand that the mother under the influence of anger looks like a demon and will frighten the child, we will not let our bad emotions spread indefinitely, but will first appease the child, and then find a way to calm her emotions.
When we truly understand that home is not a reasonable place, but a place of feelings, we will not let ourselves be controlled by emotions and hurt each other with our parents, but choose to be tolerant and considerate, and find a way to find a way to make both parties satisfied.
The reason we don't really understand these truths is because we have never tried to think in the other person's shoes.
Harmonious family relationships
Knowing how to empathize can achieve effective communication
In the article "Touching the Dragon Says Empress Zhao", in the face of Empress Zhao, who was ready to spit on him at any time, Touch Dragon did not mention the topic of letting Chang'an Jun go to the State of Qi as a hostage, but only discussed with her the problems of the elderly such as the inconvenience of her legs and feet, the lack of fragrant food, etc., instantly narrowed the distance between herself and Empress Zhao, and let her let down her guard.
Then he raised his worries about his younger son, also as a parent, from the perspective of the other party, to plan for his own children, so that Empress Zhao felt in her heart that he was not on the opposite side of herself, but on the same side as herself, and she easily accepted his suggestion.
A suicide note recently circulated on the Internet, in which the nineteen-year-old who decided to die wrote: "One of the most interesting things about the role of the father is that if you fail to be his hero at some point in your child, you will inevitably become his enemy at some point." ”
It is precisely because the positions are different that communication and understanding are needed. And if you want to communicate effectively, only by putting each other on the same side can you understand and understand each other.
Adoptive parents know the grace of their parents. Many people will only understand that their parents' infinite interference with themselves at that time is out of deep love. However, they are also parents for the first time, too partial to know it, just like Empress Zhao at that time.