The emergence of Gu Ailing has made the whole country of China, which has been in the vacuum of sports superstars for a long time, boil.
What is particularly rare is that compared with those idols in the past, Gu Ailing's perfect 360-degree dead angle is too much like a myth.
You think she can only ski, but she is proficient in running, climbing, riding, and archery;
You think she's a sports genius, but she's still a Stanford bully;
You think this is out of the sky, but she also has piano ballet vocal music all kinds of artistic pluses...
The most infuriating thing is that she also has the appearance of an angel, the figure of a supermodel, and a good fashion taste.
You stomp your feet and say no, who wouldn't have a bug?
Genius is always lonely, and the personality should not be very good, right?
You can fix your eyes on it, she obviously has a cheerful personality, a bright smile, a strong psychology, excellent emotional intelligence, and has shown a very mature outlook on life and values at a young age.
Well, if she's human, then what are we?
What a heart-wrenching question!
For a time, "how to cultivate a Gu Ailing" became a hot topic for countless parents to dig into the ground and find out the answer.
The first thing I dug up was, of course, gu yan, my mother, who single-handedly pushed her to the championship throne.
The Peking University biochemical talent went to the United States at the age of 22 to continue her studies, then changed majors to study at Stanford University Business School, and entered Wall Street to engage in venture capital after graduation.
In 1993, while working at Lehman Brothers, she helped China successfully run a $200 million loan, setting a precedent for "the Chinese financial community to successfully lend on Wall Street in the United States."
In 1994, she co-founded American Technology Investment Co., Ltd. with Evans Frick, a well-known Venture Capital expert in the United States.
Currently, her LinkedIn profile is "Private Investor and China Investment Expert", Chairman of Beijing Oriental Weibo International Information Technology Co., Ltd.
On the one hand, Gu Yan's brilliant career trajectory has laid a solid material foundation for Gu Ailing's growth, and tens of millions of training fees have made ordinary people unattainable.
On the other hand, Gu Yan was a member of the Peking University speed skating team when she was a student, and she also worked as a ski instructor near Lake Tahoe in the United States.
Gu Ailing got a strong sports gene from her mother, and she fell in love with skiing from an early age.
In Gu Ailing's sports career, her mother Gu Yan is also a teacher and friend, who can not only scientifically analyze learning methods and skills with her, but also help her adjust her competition state, becoming Gu Ailing's "secret weapon" for continuous breakthroughs.
Then, the grandmother Feng Guozhen, who brought Gu Ailing from childhood to adulthood, was also dug up, and this former senior engineer of the Ministry of Transport was once a famous women's basketball player at Shanghai Jiaotong University and an idol of Gu Ailing.
Gu Ailing not only learned piano and Chinese from her grandmother from an early age, but also learned from her grandmother the competitive spirit of being brave and enterprising and never accepting defeat.
In fact, digging here is almost enough, after all, Gu Ailing only mentioned her mother and grandmother in the interview:
My grandmother was very competitive and gave me the mentality of winning, and then my mother taught me the attitude of dedication, and I felt that I did my best to do my best, which was to pay tribute to them.
But where this satisfies the curiosity of the melon-eating masses.
That eye-catching mixed-race face makes it difficult to ignore her other half of her genes, so the rumors about Gu Ailing's father have been boiling for a while, from Google No. 5 employees to directors of the 100 billion fund, gossip is endless, and the new father is endless.
At present, all the information shows that in the process of Gu Ailing's growth, the father is an absent character.
Biologically speaking, Gu Ailing needs a father;
From the perspective of pedagogy, Gu Ailing does not need a father.
This conclusion sounds shocking, but when you think about it, it makes sense.
Single-parent families can also raise healthy and excellent children, which is nothing new at all.
Even single-parent families have certain special advantages, can you believe it?
As soon as the rumors about Gu Ailing's father came out, several of my friends invariably felt offended.
They all come from single-parent families and feel that the curiosity, discussion and prejudice of single parents are far more harmful than those caused by single parents themselves.
For a long time, countless education experts have told us that children can grow up healthily in a complete family, and fathers have fatherhood and motherhood.
So many people subconsciously believe that there is something wrong with the children from single-parent families, either there is a personality problem or a social problem, or there is a problem with the concept of marriage.
Even many couples in order to let their children grow up healthily, do not hesitate to sleep in the same bed and dream, torture each other, and painstakingly maintain the integrity of the family surface.
But is this really the case?
To be honest, I hadn't thought about this problem before, and I always felt that the word single parent was very far away from me, and I didn't realize that a few good friends around me were from this kind of family.
Why not realize it? Because they're no different from us!
They are all well educated, graduated from prestigious schools, have successful careers, get married and have children, and have the same joys and troubles as us.
Girls do not pervert hate men, boys do not pervert attachment to their mothers, and do not follow the market-accepted single parent script at all.
Their emotional intelligence and social skills are even higher than most people I know.
Of course, my social circle may have sample bias and is not universally convincing.
But they at least convinced me that single-parent families can raise normal children, and they don't have more bugs than children in two-parent families.
So where did the stereotype of single parents come from?
I think it has to do with the psychological cues people have to do when they analyze problems.
For example, if the same giant baby mother, if growing up in a two-parent family, people will naturally think that this is a failure of education, and if they grow up in a single-parent family, people will be more inclined to think that this is a family tragedy.
When the word single parent memorizes all the pots of education, then people will attribute all the problems of children to the lack of parents, not the level of education of parents.
Thanks to Gu Ailing, who broke this prejudice with the brightest smile and the most outstanding results:
What happened to me as a single parent? Fight if you don't obey!
Her mother, Gu Yan, provided a positive example for the majority of women:
You can live independently and freely, even if it is child-rearing, you can also not rely on men.
Compared with two-parent families, single-parent families have child-rearing difficulties.
First, there is the economic problem.
The family has one less source of income, and it has to afford expensive education expenses, which needs to be supported by a strong career.
Economic freedom determines the degree of freedom to raise children, and even determines the freedom of the next generation's life.
For ordinary women, the basic condition for raising children alone is financial independence, and then the direction of child training is determined according to the actual situation.
World champions are out of reach, but there are thousands of roads to success, and the one that suits them is the best.
We may not be as good as Gu Yan, but at least we can be as independent as her.
Second, there is the problem of energy.
You have to work and take the baby, and the hardships can be imagined.
Single-parent working mothers are more likely to face the balance of work, children and personal space.
In Gu Ailing's growth process, Grandma was an indispensable role.
If Gu Yan is Gu Ailing's "secret weapon", then Feng Guozhen is Gu Yan's "secret weapon".
We can imagine that if there is no selfless dedication of the elderly, whether it is Gu Yan's career or Gu Ailing's sports career, I am afraid that it will be greatly limited.
How important it is to have a person "tie the handle" when he is weak, I believe that every overseas Chinese has his own profound experience.
If there is no such role, then single-parent working mothers are likely to give up some workplace opportunities and children's extracurricular activities, and even need to be forced to adjust their parenting goals.
If you are lucky to have such a role, then how to run into it is a new issue.
Finally, there are psychological problems.
A couple of lovers, no matter what the reason, is separated, it will bring indelible trauma to the person.
How to digest this trauma and how to talk to the other party with the child are very challenging to people's hearts and insights.
If you show inner grievances and resentment from time to time, or even deliberately lead the child to hate the other party, it may cause the child to fall into great pain and self-blame, and even have a fear of marriage.
Because children cannot understand the grievances of adults, their instinct is to love both their father and mother, and not being able to love either party is a betrayal for them.
There are also some parents who will have an attachment to their children beyond the normal range because of the loneliness of a single parent, and obtain a sense of security by controlling the child at all times, making the child feel suffocated and have nowhere to escape.
Some parents will become particularly strong because of the imperfection of life such as single parents, hoping to raise their eyebrows and fight back against those who have criticized themselves through the excellence of their children.
We don't see these problems in Gu Yan and Gu Ailing.
Although her father is rarely mentioned, it can be seen that his father's image in Gu Ailing's mind is positive, and she is bent on applying for Stanford because her grandfather also graduated from Stanford.
Gu Yan has her own career, and she has her own interest in accompanying her daughter to ski, and she is not the kind of sad mother who dedicates herself to her child and loses herself.
From many interviews, it can be seen that Gu Yan does not have much obsession with whether her daughter can become a world champion and whether she can be admitted to Stanford, has never forced her daughter to take the first place, and has a kind of "but walk the way, do not ask about the future" free.
So we see Gu Ailing sunshine self-confidence, mental health level beyond ordinary people a lot.
Some people say that she "looks like she has not lacked love since childhood", and I think this is the best compliment for the children of single-parent families.
How many of us ordinary people seem to have no lack of love since childhood?
It turns out that single-parent families can also not lack love, ah, is it to break some kind of superstition?
As long as the above three problems are solved, single-parent families can play to their unique advantages.
The advantage is that one person has the final say, no pig teammates.
Some netizens joked that in addition to Gu Ailing, there is also Obama Clinton Bezos Musk... What these people have in common is that they do not have a father, which shows that the father is a stumbling block on the road to success.
As soon as this god comment came out, some people immediately retorted to each other, trying to prove that the mother was a stumbling block.
Jokes are jokes, but they coincide with one of my views, that is:
In family education, one person plays a leading role and immerses in parenting;
It doesn't matter whether this person is a father or a mother, it is the most important thing.
If you are Gu Yan and find that your child has a talent for skiing, then just push it is finished.
No need to explain, discuss, or break with your teammates, don't have to pay money to see people's faces, and don't feel sorry for delaying housework.
On the contrary, if there is a frequent conflict over education issues in a family, and there are always people who have to give advice and drag their feet, it will be very inefficient.
Endless internal friction will not only make education lose its direction and make children confused, but also hurt the feelings and even health of family members.
A while ago, a friend said that he had a physical problem, and he was actually angry with his pig teammates.
Children learning is not a headache, the result of the pig teammates will only say cool words to help, frequent quarrels and long-term negative emotions backlog to a certain extent, the body can not hold.
And I can fully imagine how irritable and helpless the child is in such a family atmosphere, and how unscientific it is to learn well.
Please note that "pig teammate" does not refer specifically to dad, but may also refer to mom.
I never took my mom for granted the responsibility of education, in fact, many dads have excellent ideas and abilities in education, and they are also passionate about education.
There are many well-known parenting bloggers who are dads, and this is the best proof.
In fact, in ancient China, the father was the party responsible for education, otherwise how could there be the saying that "the son does not teach, the father is at fault"?
In ancient times, women did not have the opportunity to be educated, and men had more advantages in culture, insight, and pattern, so usually the mother was responsible for taking care of life, and the father led the education, from reading and reading to piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, all of which were handled by the old father.
The reason why the burden of education in modern society falls more on the mother is that on the one hand, the education level of women has been greatly improved, and on the other hand, because mothers have a natural advantage in the degree of intimacy in taking care of their young children.
Another point is that modern men have more excuses to evade educational responsibilities.
Escape, run away, but they still have to judge and give orders.
You are harsh on the child, he says you should be patient;
You are gentle with the child, he says it is coddling;
You're trying to make a chicken baby, he said it's almost ok;
You finally plan to be Buddhist, he said how do you care about children;
The child's grades are not good, he said you did not teach well;
The child's grades are good, he said look, it's all my genes.
Although such women are rare, there are also some.
I have a friend who is a company executive, usually busy with work to fly, and the task of childcare is given to my husband, who has a relatively leisurely job and has less income.
She often heard her complain that her husband would not educate children and did not understand advanced parenting concepts.
Originally, she had limited time with her children at home and did not know much about the growth of her children, but she liked to guide laymen to guide her insiders, ignoring the painstaking efforts and efforts of those who really accompanied her children, and the consequences could be imagined.
Under her strong criticism and command, the men who were originally dedicated began to be passive and sluggish, the bear children began to let themselves fly when they saw that there was a loophole to drill, and the family education became a mess.
Isn't this a "pig teammate"?
Compared with the clean, sharp, simple and efficient implementation of the educational goals by a single-parent family, this kind of infighting is more regrettable than the clean, simple and efficient family with infighting.
Of course, I am not advocating that single-parent families are better, and I am not encouraging everyone to divorce and kill pig teammates.
After all, as mentioned earlier, single-parent families will bring three problems that are difficult to solve, which require parents to face with extremely high ability and quality.
But in any kind of family, it is enough to have one person leading the education, and no one needs pig teammates.
So what about the existing pig teammates?
It is recommended to rescue it and turn waste into treasure.
The first key word is "division of labor".
There is an iron law in the marriage relationship, that is, the more detailed the division of labor, the clearer it is, and the fewer quarrels and disputes there are.
If you want to rely on each other's self-awareness, most of them will end up making you vomit blood.
Who will lead education? Who's going to play with it? How can the two sides cooperate? These issues are best discussed by both parties and decided according to the actual situation of the family.
For example, in my family, my teammates are busy at work and frequently travel, and they are a big straight man, who often scratches his head at the child, so the task of leading parenting naturally falls on me.
I like to read, I am very interested in education, and I can say that I am in the middle.
This is very easy to do, the child's business is up to me, the teammates only need to pay, and try to accompany the child with me.
The combination of "one mother dictatorship" and "golden father" has very few contradictions in practice, almost none.
I have a girlfriend who is just the opposite, she is busy at work and has a straight temper, often stepping on the pit in front of the child, easy to help.
While her teammates work in the education system, they have a deep theoretical foundation in psychology and pedagogy, and have their own set of children.
Then their family is a combination of "one father dictatorship" and "miscellaneous mother", and the effect is also quite good.
There are also more complex family situations.
For example, there are friends and husbands who are very busy at work, and the children are basically brought by the elderly before school, until the children go to school, and the mother takes over the work of leading education.
I guess Gu Ailing's family is also similar, when she was a child, she was mainly taken care of by her grandmother, and as she grew older, her mother Gu Yan's participation became higher and higher, and finally her mother became the main force of education, and her grandmother retreated to the second line.
The second key word is "run-in".
Even with a clear division of labor, running-in is a big problem, because everyone has their own desire to express, and there is no standard answer to the matter of parenting itself.
Even if both parents are parenting experts, they will have different views on the same issue, do not believe you look at the parenting books on the market, the views are more opposed.
So the two sides must reach a consensus, who leads, who speaks, who cooperates, who shuts up.
As the leading party, it is necessary to pay more energy and effort to convince people with actions, and also needs to communicate with teammates in time to exchange their goals and methods.
In our family, Barley and Xiaomi are responsible for their lives from childhood to adulthood, from physical to psychological, I am the person who knows them best, as long as they have any problems, I can immediately find a solution.
My teammates and I usually talk about our children, their recent performance, and my parenting ideas every day before going to bed.
So my teammates were convinced, understanding and reassuring to me, and the cooperation was also very positive.
Children sometimes want to take advantage of loopholes, pestering their fathers to buy this and buy that, or fooling their fathers into opening their mobile phone permissions, and their teammates always answer "Go and ask their mothers, and their mothers say yes."
When the two sides cooperate without leaks, the child's good habits are easy to cultivate, and the learning life is more regular.
It is more difficult to cooperate with the elderly than the cooperation between teammates.
I often have friends complain to me about the problems of the elderly with children, bad living habits, watching too much TV, being too spoiled, and so on.
He is still at odds with his parents, let alone with his in-laws.
I usually have only one sentence for this: you do what you do.
If you want to become the leader of education, you must have a corresponding hard work, at most you can only give simple housework and pick-up work to the elderly, and to know that the elderly help is not taken for granted, remember to be grateful.
If you are busy with work or have fun and give up the dominance of education, then you have to put yourself in the right position, and what you have to do is to cooperate fully, not to twitter.
Behind Gu Ailing are her mother and grandmother, and without the perfect cooperation of these two people, it would be difficult for her to achieve today's achievements.
Feng Guozhen's parenting philosophy has made many highly educated parents ashamed today.
In the video interview, Grandma talked about a small episode, Gu Ailing learned piano when she was a child and did not want to learn half of it, she felt bored, Grandma taught her to play a sentence and sing a sentence, rekindling her interest in the piano.
There is no doubt that Feng Guozhen and Gu Yan are highly consistent in their philosophy: do not force children, and gently insist.
But it is impossible to say that there have been no differences and contradictions between mother and daughter for so many years.
Gu Ailing was brought up by her grandmother from an early age, and as she grew older, the dominance of education shifted to her mother, and this transition was by no means simple.
It is difficult for grandmothers who have retreated to the second line to control their desire for expression, and it is even more difficult for mothers who have obtained dominance to learn from the experience of the elderly while promoting their own plans, while also balancing their children's feelings.
Gu Yan's good friend Yolanda said in an interview:
I rarely admire a person wholeheartedly, but I really admire Gu Yan very much.
Friends around you know that she will look for your good qualities at the first sight and make others feel good about themselves. That's how she treats others and the way she treats her daughters – pure love, care and respect, without any fuss.
I think this should also be the way she treats her grandmother, and perhaps the way she treats her.
This mother and daughter, who are super emotionally intelligent, minimize internal friction, become the closest comrades-in-arms, and work together to push the next generation to the peak of life.
The third key word is "respect."
In family education, no matter who is the dominant party and who is the cooperating party, it is a relationship of equal cooperation, not a relationship of control and control.
Expressing respect for your teammates in front of your children and setting up an idol for them is of great benefit to education.
In Gu Ailing's upbringing, you don't see any family members' accusations and demeaning to others.
Grandma is an idol, mom is an idol, dad is an idol, grandpa is an idol.
Is this just because they have a high degree? There are many highly educated families I know, but very few are so harmonious.
The reason is very simple, no one is perfect, what you see is all the advantages, that is the idol; all you see is the shortcomings, that is, garbage.
If you can amplify the strengths of your loved ones, then children have family pride, self-confidence, and motivation to learn from them.
Gu Ailing may not be close to grandpa, but I know that grandpa is Stanford, and I also want to test Stanford, which is enough!
In our ordinary family, we can also learn the wisdom of Gu Yan.
Teammates may not be able to take the baby, but they also have a specialty in the art industry and have their own areas of expertise.
Our children may not be destined to become Gu Ailing, but with such a growth environment, I believe they will not be worse.
Gu Ailing's optimism and self-confidence, self-discipline, and the look of not lacking love since childhood are the other shores that education can reach.
If Gu Yan created the miracle of a single-parent family, we can also create a miracle of 1+1 greater than 2.