Gu Ailing flew back to the United States, and the hearts of fans across the country invariably became empty, as if they had lost a spiritual pillar.
Since this period of time, Gu Ailing's confident, brave, positive and sunny image has shocked and influenced the young generation of the mainland in an all-round and deep-seated manner, and has become a role model and model for many young people, especially young women, to learn from - she has broken many established thinking and traditional concepts in the Chinese, and refreshed the three views of the Chinese people from different angles.
Her appearance awakened and triggered our deep thinking on traditional homeschooling. Because of her growth process, it can be said that it is the subversion of the traditional Chinese family education model.
But reflect on the roots: Why has there never been a "Gu Ailing" child in our country before? In fact, at present, it is difficult for us to cultivate "Gu Ailing" children in traditional Chinese family education.
Not to pour cold water, but to tell the truth.
I believe that this speaks to the voice of a large number of Chinese parents, and it is also the reality of a large number of Chinese families.
First of all, can we become parents like Gu Ailing's mother?
What kind of posture does Gu Yan take with her children? Friend. In what form does Gu Yan educate her children? Encouragement, respect.
Gu Ailing consulted her mother before the third jump in the first event of this year's Beijing Winter Olympics, "Freestyle Ski Women's Big Jump". As a mother, the starting point is to first think about the safety of the child, "safety, guarantee". But when Gu Ailing put forward her own idea: "I want to challenge 1620", Gu Yan, as a mother, did not object, but expressed support: "This is your game, you decide."
Get along with friends, encourage and respect your child's decisions – how many of our parents can do it?
At this time, let's first talk about the actual situation of the current traditional family education models to see how the gap is.
I. Solipsistic Education ——
We parents generally think that they "eat more salt than children eat rice", often with their own insights, experiences simply and rudely for the child's life to make guides and even decisions, but also never thought about their "set" is not the real insight to keep pace with the times.
Don't say listen to children's ideas, respect their decisions, a large part of the parents are taking the power to decide every step of their children's growth: from enrollment, choosing a major, employment, choosing a mate, to what they usually eat and wear, they will be forced to participate, and they will not give their children the right to speak at all - your life, I am in charge.
The phrase "I am for your own good, you have to listen to me" forcibly erases the characteristics of children, smooths out their edges and corners, and destroys their creativity. Over time, the child does not become an independent individual, but only becomes a "replica" of the parent.
Gu Ailing was very naughty when he was a child, and "uncovering the tiles in the upper room" was the norm. As our parents, before they have "gone to the house", they have already scolded and even beaten down.
Chinese-style children, from childhood to adulthood, hear the most from the various suppressive "no" words from their parents. This is our unified growth environment.
It is not difficult for us to find that from childhood to adulthood, you can hear parents pulling at the throat of "hate iron is not steel" anytime and anywhere - "you are disobedient!" Tell you not to worry about playing! Go back and write your homework! "This can't be eaten!" Can't go there! "No! No way! No! ”
It is also true that our children are taught to be "obedient" from childhood to adulthood. "Obedience" is one of our best labels as children.
"That kid was obedient" – a lot of people thought it was a compliment to the kid. But in fact, thinking in reverse, blindly obedient, what kind of person will become in the future? Children who are very obedient when they are young, when they grow up, basically become people who follow the crowd and the psychology of the flock, they are herd mentality, have no opinion and even lack independent ability.
Then we will complain to some adults who have no opinion: "Hey, he is a person without opinion, how can he be independent in his work in the future?" How can you be a qualified husband to take on a home? ”。 As everyone knows, this kind of person is a very popular "obedient" child when he is a child!
We have to admit that everyone has their own characteristics, but traditional family education is not to encourage individuality, but from ancient times to the present day the same "copy and paste" - "you have to obey, what you want to learn, what you want to do in the future". Many of our children are stifled from childhood with imagination, creativity, and even taught to look up to other people's children who "read dead books."
Since we have been using established molds for our children since we are young, how can we expect to become unique people when we grow up?
Most of our children grow up in an atmosphere of being suppressed rather than encouraged, but when they grow up, they are asked to be confident people, to be honest, can we? Is it easy?
Even more frightening is the vicious circle.
When these children who grew up under the tutelage of powerful parents when they were children become parents, they will continue these "traditions" from generation to generation and continue to "power" their next generation.
Second, the education of pouring cold water -
In fact, many children have unique personalities and characteristics when they are young, but often their "unusual" efforts will be ignored and suppressed by parents. For example, a child with strong hands-on ability likes to make some gadgets, when he excitedly shows the results to parents, he may only receive a cold response: "It is better to do these things than to study and learn, and do some waste of time."
The thinking of traditional Chinese parents is generally very limited, they only recognize the orthodox way of reading and learning, believing that "everything is inferior but reading high", as long as it is not "good study", everything is nonsense, and it is not worth "wasting time".
Or rather, everything beyond their perception is considered "useless." But not many of them themselves know "useful", so what about their children who create more "useful"?
Gu Ailing's achievements in the field of skiing today also originated from her "unusual" interest. In other words, many of our parents have already strangled all this in the cradle: "Go back to study and study, what snow?" Will it be eaten as a meal in the future? ”
Moreover, even if she is a bully, Gu Yan has never asked Gu Ailing what kind of university she must go to, "You don't need to go to Stanford University, just do what you want to do."
So, see the gap?
Third, laissez-faire education -
Parents are a child's first teacher. But many parents are busy with work, business, and socializing, and have no time, energy, and ability to discipline their children, and they are laissez-faire and self-destructive. This laissez-faire education that gives children 100% freedom often leads to big problems. When a child has some big problem one day and is found by the school, many parents are "remorseful", but many parents do not think so, and directly push the responsibility to the school to the teacher: "I want to make a living, there is no time to teach him, is it not the responsibility of the school and the teacher to educate the child?" Didn't you discipline him well? ”。 Again, parents are a child's first teacher. If you as a parent didn't have the time, the ability, and the responsibility to discipline your child, why did you bring him into the world in the first place?
Fourth, crazy chicken baby education ——
Initiated in the first-tier cities of Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen and Guangzhou, more and more parents began to "roll up" education, and the golden rule of good words was said: "You can't lose at the starting line." So crazy chicken baby, all kinds of training classes, interest classes imposed on the child, never ask him / she feels uninterested, willing or unwilling, can not bear, anyway, "you learn is it, I am for your own good, I am paving the way for your future." Maybe some children can really grow up under this kind of high pressure, but I am sure that children who grow up under these high pressures must be more or less left with different degrees of mental health diseases. As much pressure as there is, there is resistance. When I was a child, I seemed to be able to bear pressure, and when I grew up, my rebellious psychology was so strong. Sometimes, when you grow up, the outbreak of rebellious psychology is devastating. Looking back, Lee X Di is a vivid example.
Therefore, when Gu Ailing said: "My mother is the best mother in the world" there is indeed her reason.
In family education, guiding children as friends, while encouraging, respecting and supporting their decisions, and raising them into confident and courageous people is difficult to seem simple and substantive. Our parents, can we do it?
Secondly, let's talk about it, do we have an older generation of parents like Grandma Gu Ailing?
From the perspective of most grandparents: as long as the grandchildren are healthy, can eat and sleep fat and white, it is enough. How many elderly people can participate in the education of their grandchildren like Grandma Gu Ailing, and can cheer her up and shout "Eileen NO.1" while watching her granddaughter's competition, encouraging her to strive for the upper reaches?
It is not that the parents of the older generation are harshly asked to know how to educate like Grandma Gu Ailing. However, most of our grandparents and grandparents are particularly serious in "intergenerational coddling", and often the degree of coddling has reached "too much sugar and excess nutrition". How many grandparents have lost their position in the face of their grandchildren and blindly "want what to give"? At the same time, our patriarchal thinking has continued to this day - let's look around, from the past to the present, how many families, if the first child is a daughter, must be born, and chased until it is a son? Looking at our parents, grandparents, are they more or less more partial to their sons/grandchildren?
In addition, let's briefly talk about Chinese and Western education.
Although Gu Ailing's nationality has been changed to Chinese, and half of her body is of Chinese descent, we must also admit that the advantages of her that are admired and learned are largely influenced and cultivated by the Western educational atmosphere, which is exactly what our traditional family education lacks at present. Of course, her success is also a perfect combination of Chinese and Western education - because Chinese's tenacious research spirit is also vividly displayed in her.
In summary, if we want to really cultivate one or even generation of "Gu Ailing" children, first of all, we must start from the parents. Instead of turning our children into "Gu Ailing", we must first become "Gu Yan" parents and completely change the way we get along with our children and educate them from a fundamental point of view.
Admittedly, there is a long way to go, and there is a long way to go.