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Keep your inner peace, smile and see that the clouds are light and the wind is light, do not like things, do not grieve with yourself.
- Qing Xu
Text | Qing Xu Picture | Source network
Joy or sorrow - there I have always been with you
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From childhood to adulthood, we always live in the "shadow" of comparison:
When you go to school, you compare grades with your classmates; when you work, you compare performance with colleagues; after you get married, you compare your partners with friends; when you are old, you compare your children with relatives.
The life that compares seems to be brilliant, but I don't know that my own happiness is unconsciously consumed.
As the writer Liang Wendao wrote in the book Common Sense:
"Some people say: Happy people are silent. Puzzled, ask a friend, the other party calmly replied: because happiness is never compared, if compared with people, you will only feel that you are in a sad situation. ”
What a whiplash to say.
In fact, a person's true happiness is not to make more money, nor to be loved, but not to compare with others.
01
Do not compare substances with others
I once saw a netizen share his experience online.
When she went to school, she was very envious of her cousin, because her cousin was "someone else's child" from childhood to adulthood.
Not only is the achievement outstanding, but the looks are even more impressive, and there is always a goodwill from the opposite sex around.
In college, my cousin socialized with a boy from a wealthy family and received gifts ranging from designer cosmetics or big-name bags.
The cousin was triumphant and often showed off in front of her.
Netizens are both envious and inferior, because she has a poor family and has no spare money to dress up.
Later, my cousin married the boy, and life after marriage was even more enjoyable. Every day is either a shopping spree in a luxury store or a haute cuisine.
But the good times did not last long, and the man not only betrayed in marriage, but also filed for divorce from his cousin.
This is undoubtedly a huge blow to my cousin, who has long lived a luxurious life. Now, because she can't accept the life of poverty after divorce, she spends her days at home and is depressed.
On the other hand, netizens have long recognized the reality and no longer yearn for the life of their cousin.
From the beginning even pocket money had to be saved by walking, all the way to the current monthly income of thirty thousand, but also have a happy family.
In reality, how many people like cousins, because of the giving of others and complacent, but do not know that behind all this, there is a price to be paid.
How many people, like netizens, see the truth of life, and through their own struggles, they have lived the life they want.
As the writer Zhang Haochen said: "There are a hundred ways to live in life, and no matter how good other people's stories are, they can never tolerate you." What you live like, decide for yourself. ”
Yes, no matter how rich others are, they will not spend a cent for you; no matter how much money others spend, it is not your money.
So stop dwelling on things that don't belong to you, and stop involving things that aren't relevant to you.
Instead of wasting time focusing on others, it's better to manage yourself with time.
Because God is fair, it will make you miserable for a while, but it will not make you miserable for a lifetime.
Only by trying our best to fight forward can we harvest a happy and satisfying life and live up to the ups and downs of this road.
02
Do not compare achievements with others
My friend Xiao Yu told me a story about her.
Some time ago, Xiao Yu attended a high school reunion.
Although it has been many years since graduation, everyone still gets together and still talks and laughs and talks.
When talking about each other's current situation, Xiao Yue found that the people who sat in the same classroom at the beginning had a different life.
Although some students have the lowest grades when they read, after entering the society, they have earned a lot of money by virtue of their own abilities; some students have excellent grades when they read, and after entering the society, they are even more brilliant and become the leaders of various industries.
Only Xiao Yu, the original results and the current life are no different, the same is so unremarkable.
She works as a photographer in a small company, with a meager salary and a monthly rent.
Seeing that his former classmates had a better life than himself, XiaoYue did not have a trace of jealousy, nor did he feel that life was undignified.
In her view, the real achievement is not career success, great wealth and nobility, but the ability to live an ordinary life hot and abundant.
Later, due to Xiaoyue's continuous improvement of photographic techniques, the style of his works became more and more unique.
More and more people began to pay attention to XiaoYue's works, and Xiaoyue became popular on the Internet, not only gaining a large number of fans, but also realizing wealth freedom.
Writer Kong Zhiyong said: "Our biggest mistake is to want to make our lives different, but at the same time to measure ourselves by worldly happiness standards." ”
I agree.
In life, we will always involuntarily envy the people around us, constantly questioning ourselves, and others are at the same age, but the achievements are very different from others.
But this will only imprison themselves in the cage of achievement, and they will be depressed all the time.
In the end, there is no longer expectation and enthusiasm for life, and no longer enjoy the beauty and prosperity of the moment.
The writer Lessing once said: "The person who walks the slowest, as long as he does not lose his goal, can walk faster than the person who wanders aimlessly." ”
Truly intelligent people do not envy others for their superiority, and do not feel sorry for their own clumsiness.
They know that achievements do not depend on comparison, but on spelling.
As long as you are firm in your own pace of progress, you will one day reach the distant place you yearn for.
03
Do not compare children with others
At the just-concluded Winter Olympics, Gu Ailing, who was only 18 years old, won two golds and one silver in one fell swoop.
For a time, Gu Ailing was all over the Internet, and the public called her "the 'genius girl' with the Shuangwen script".
There is also a passage that jokes like this: "Gu Ailing is 18 years old, a healthy general; I am 18 years old, alive."
God opened a door for me, really only give me a door, or fully enclosed, no dead ends, airtight; God opened a door for Gu Airing, and then sent a 360-degree panoramic skylight. ”
Yes, Gu Ailing not only achieved the ultimate in skiing, but also proficient in various talents, with a wide range of interests, piano, ballet, drama, rock climbing, surfing, horse riding, marathon, modeling...
Moreover, during the preparation for the Winter Olympics, she graduated from high school a year early and successfully entered Stanford University, a world-famous university, with a high score of SAT1580 (out of 1600).
It boils up in one sentence: "Only you can't think of it, and you can't do it without her." ”
And all this is inseparable from her mother, Gu Yan, who is strongly supportive behind it.
Unlike other parents, Gu Yan never forced Gu Ailing to do anything, but let her explore the things she liked on her own;
She will also not compare Gu Ailing with other people's children, because she feels that "no one is perfect, just try your best";
When Gu Ailing only wanted to go to Stanford, she only told her daughter: "It is not necessary to go to Stanford, just don't give up studying." ”
I have to say that it is precisely because Gu Yan gives her daughter enough respect and freedom in everything that Gu Ailing has written a shining life.
As Xiong Peiyun said: "True education is not oppression, but fulfillment." ”
Many times, parents get along with their children, not because they don't know how to love, but because they don't know how to be perfect.
They don't know that taking someone else's standards and making references for children will only push the child farther and farther away step by step.
And good parents will never only have other people's children in their eyes. They will properly follow the child's wishes and let the child grow up happily.
Because, give your child more respect, the child will give you more trust; give the child a little more freedom, the child will give you a little more surprises.
No comparison, no oppression. In this way, children can create a better tomorrow.
04
Mr. Yang Dai said: "God will not let happiness focus on a certain person, getting love does not necessarily have money; having money does not necessarily get happiness; getting happiness does not necessarily have health; having health may not be everything as desired." ”
In this world, there is neither a perfect life nor a full life.
Blind comparison with others will only increase troubles; learning to cherish everything that exists can have more beauty.
Do not compare material things with others, grasp the time, and work hard; do not compare achievements with others, firm steps, and move forward bravely; do not compare children with others, and give full respect and freedom.
For the rest of your life, may you and I be able to keep our inner peace in the complicated world, smile and see that the clouds are light and the wind is light, and do not like things, and do not grieve with ourselves.
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