Regarding growth, the Austrian psychologist Adler once said this:
Happy people use childhood to heal a lifetime, and unfortunate people use a lifetime to heal childhood.
This passage tells us that a person's childhood experience will have a very important impact on his future life.
Especially for some children who grow up in single-parent families, most of them have inferiority, sensitivity and other characteristics in their hearts, so they need more family care from their parents.
But for some parents, their communication with their children seems to be full of obstacles, perhaps because there is a generation gap between parents and children, and it is always difficult for them to understand what the happiness their children really want.
For parents, if their children can successfully complete their studies, then find a decent job, and then get married and start a family, such a life should be comfortable and happy, but many young people do not see it this way, they are not willing to live a plain life on the road drawn by their parents, they have their own ideals in life.
When the wishes of parents conflict with the ideals of their children, if the two sides cannot calm down and communicate frankly, the two generations are likely to have irreconcilable contradictions due to different ideas.
The 26-year-old son does not go to work after graduating from college, and the single mother is worried
Ms. Li (pseudonym), who lives in Henan, looks to be in her 60s, her face is haggard, and her eyebrows are full of sorrow.
Ms. Li said that her only son, Xiao Jia (pseudonym), 26, was originally a graduate of a famous university, but now that Xiao Jia has graduated for three years, he has not gone out to work, but also stays at home every day to play games.
Her son's behavior made Ms. Li's heart ache, but when she expressed her dissatisfaction and concern to her son, his son showed disgust to her and was even unwilling to communicate with her.
Ms. Li felt that the mother-son relationship between herself and her son became tense, no matter what she said to her son, her son ignored her, and even her son was unwilling to eat family meals, relying on takeaway for three meals a day.
Ms. Li said that recently Xiaojia behaved mysteriously, shut herself in the room to play mobile phones, play games, life is extremely irregular, every day seems to be mixed days, she is worried that her son has stumbled on a good youth, but also worried that her son's body will cause problems.
Ms. Li called many relatives in the family to persuade her son to cheer up and live a normal life, but her son could not listen to their words, Ms. Li once entrusted someone to introduce her son to a job, but her son said to her: You do it yourself.
Her son's words made Ms. Li anxious, so what did Xiao Jia think? As a high-achieving student at a prestigious university, why would he rather lock himself in a cramped room every day than go out and find a job?
When Ms. Li returned home with the mediator, Xiao Jia also walked out of the narrow room, from Xiao Jia's blackened eyes, you can see his fatigue, but he did not go out to work, what do he do in the room every day?
After hearing the mediator's intentions, Xiao Jia said that he had also tried to communicate well with his mother, but his mother did not understand him, nor did he understand what he was doing every day, and the reason why he would rather order takeout than eat the meal made by his mother was that he did not want to be annoyed by his mother.
Xiao Jia said bluntly that his staying at home every day and not working did not mean that he did not have a job, but his mother did not understand him.
The single son has his own ideals, and in the face of his mother's lack of worry, he said bluntly: I can earn 800 yuan a day
It turns out that Xiao Jia's current job is to play games, and he works hard in the room every day, hoping to realize his life ideals by playing games.
Xiao Jia said that the reason why he appeared to be in a bad mental state and tired face was because he took orders every day and slept only 8 hours a day.
Xiao Jia said that he grew up in a single-parent family, since he was 6 years old, his parents have been separated, since he grew up living with his mother, he has an unspeakable pain in his heart, his mother only knows how to urge him to study, but never let him feel cared for in life.
Xiao Jia said bluntly that he is a graduate of finance, and his mother only wants him to find an accounting job, or a teacher job, to have a plain and smooth life, but his mother does not understand his inner thoughts.
Xiao Jia tried hard to work after graduation, but he felt that he did not like the accounting industry, and he felt that the income of accountants of two or three thousand yuan a month did not help to realize his ideals in life.
Xiao Jia, who took many detours in the process of finding a job, finally chose to play games with her.
But for the choice of her son, Ms. Li showed great concern, Ms. Li was a teacher before retirement, in her concept, her son's work is both unstable and lack of security, she feels that her son's youth is precious and cannot be wasted on some unreliable careers.
But after listening to her mother's words, Xiao Jia said that I already have stable customers, I can earn 800 to 1,000 yuan a day, and a day's income is equal to someone else's income for a week.
Xiao Jia said to her mother, how do you know that I can't go this way? What if I can live stream it in the future? What if I can open an online store in the future? What if I can grow bigger in the future?
It is not difficult to hear from Xiao Jia's words that he has a plan for his career, but because he feels that his mother does not understand himself, he has never confided these words to his mother.
In this regard, Ms. Li said that if Xiaojia's income can be stable, she will support Xiaojia, but her only worry is that Xiaojia's work will face the crisis of not being able to make ends meet at any time.
After the mediator's persuasion, Ms. Li said that in the future, she will have more care and understanding for her son in life, and Xiao Jia also said that he is still young, but he is constantly trying in his career, if one day his income is less than 4,000 yuan, not enough to support his life, he will also listen to his mother's words and try to find other jobs.
At this point, the story of Ms. Li and her son is temporarily over.
Sentiment Analysis:
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said in the book "Why Home Hurts People":
The communication of feelings is the most important thing in intimate relationships. The core of psychological needs is feeling, and an important value of intimate relationships lies in communicating and understanding and accepting each other's feelings.
The enlightenment brought to us by this sentence is that the love between family members for each other needs to have a correct way of expression, and only by making each other truly feel love can we make the family have a harmonious mode of getting along.
In the story of Ms. Li and her son Xiaojia, it is because the mother does not know how to express her love correctly, which makes the son unwilling to communicate with it, and eventually the mother and son have a crisis of affection.
From ms. Li's story with her son, we can get at least three lessons:
First, parents should respect their children's career ideals.
Respect is based on understanding, with the continuous development of the times, young people's career choices, but also become diversified, when children choose some emerging industries, parents should give guidance with their own life experience, rather than blindly deny them.
In the story of Ms. Li and her son Xiao Jia, in the example of Xiao Jia only sleeping 8 hours for 4 days to work, it can be shown that Xiao Jia is not a child who does not know how to work hard, he just wants to engage in a job that he loves.
If the mother can be more enlightened about Xiao Jia, under the premise of respecting her son's career choices, remind her son to pay more attention to rest, perhaps their mother-son relationship will be more harmonious.
Second, children should know how to understand the hardships of their parents.
For parents, everyone wants their children to have a smooth and happy life, and they hope that their children can choose a relatively smooth path in their careers.
As a single mother, Ms. Li raised her son from a young age, and her love and expectations for her son are naturally different from others, but because he does not know how to express his love correctly, his son feels bored with her.
In my opinion, if Xiao Jia can have more understanding and patience with her mother, and can frankly tell her mother her life plan, perhaps the mother-child relationship between him and her mother will be more harmonious.
Third, children who grow up in single-parent families need the love of their parents even more.
A child growing up in a single-parent family needs the love and affirmation of his parents so that he can cultivate an independent and complete personality.
Xiao Jia did not get the love of her father since she was a child, and her mother rarely praised him when facing outsiders, but often degraded him to nothing, which made Xiao Jia painfully believe that around him, there was neither anyone who understood him nor anyone who could listen to his inner voice.
If Ms. Li and her husband are separated, the two can give Xiao Jia more love in the process of growing up, perhaps Xiao Jia's life will be happier.
(Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion)