Looking back after the college entrance examination, "family situation" is the most important thing for children!

Last week, people across the country were helping the college entrance examination!

The other day, I passed a middle school next to the company, and the door was full of Wuyang parents. The ceremony was particularly satisfying, with banners pulled up and signs raised.

Some mothers also wear festive cheongsam, because the cheongsam has the homonym of "the flag opens to win". Even the escort students who were brought in as "mascots" had to "follow the customs."

It's really embarrassing to watch these scenes! No exam can leave an unforgettable mark on everyone's life like the college entrance examination.

Today I want to extend from the topic of the college entrance examination and share with you a recent survey report "After the Golden List Title: The Mystery of College Students' Way Out".

The author, Dr. Zheng Yajun of the University of Hong Kong, interviewed 70 students from two top universities, one south (Fudan) and one north (Tsinghua), but their paths after graduation are also very different:

Some of them enter the top factories with a starting salary of more than 300,000 yuan, and some go to work at the grassroots level in towns and villages, and their monthly salary is only 3,000; There are also many people who choose to delay graduation or study for a doctoral degree because of the difficulty of finding a job, and suspend employment...

Children who can be admitted to Tsinghua Fudan must have good learning ability, and they also have quite hardcore academic qualifications after graduation, why is the way out so polarized?

Some people will say that because these students have different family backgrounds and origins, some are born in Rome, and some are "problem makers" in rural towns, relying on hard work all the way, but there will be limitations in the end. Even if you are admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, the final way out is very common, and it is difficult to achieve a class jump.

Is this really the case, and how much does "family circumstances" affect a person's future development? Are there ways for children from disadvantaged families to bridge this gap?

Fortunately, the author gave us a clear answer.

01

The two models of going to college have a very different way out

Recalling the college life we have experienced, it is not difficult to find:

Some students study with full strength as soon as they step into the school gate, without wasting a minute; And there is a category of students who don't know what to do all day, and can even lie in bed for a week without getting out of bed.

These are two very distinct models of going to college, the former classifies as the "goal control model" and the latter as the "intuitive dependence model".

If you compare going to college to a game of "maze treasure hunting", students who use the "goal control mode" are like holding a maze map and planning their own route long ago (after graduation, they want to go to graduate school, go abroad, or find a job); And college students under the "intuitive dependence mode" are walking by feeling and have been bending and going around in circles.

In the article, there is a male student from Fudan University, Jingwei, who left a deep impression on me, he is a representative of the real "target control mode".

On the first day he entered university, he understood that relying entirely on the school to determine his future was 'to die', and he always believed that 'I want' was the most important thing -

"Wherever I want to go, I have to slowly get closer to the goal I want. Living aimlessly is actually an inefficient thing. ”

After graduating with a master's degree, he finally chose to work as a trader at a top global investment bank, with a starting salary of more than 500,000 yuan and an uncapped bonus. But then again, the bunch of offers he received were all at this level, and the income was not the reason why he chose this position in the end.

The meaning of this job, in Jingwei's eyes, is to serve his ultimate goal in life - to become an interesting person.

"Because this job allows me to vote with money on what's happening in this world." Your decisions can speed up or slow things down. For example, a technology needs to be catalyzed with money, and you can invest more resources in it to accelerate it. In other words, the job made me feel like it was fun. ”

There are countless dizzying new experiences at work, and he can achieve financial freedom early on from his generous salary.

Bingqian, who was admitted to Fudan from the countryside of Hunan Province, is a typical representative of the "intuitive dependence model".

She naively thought that she would be relieved when she got to university, gave up the requirements for grades, and went to class every day ignorantly according to interest, and happily brushed dramas in the dormitory.

In her junior year, she began to be anxious, her grades were simply not enough for graduate school, and her internship resume was blank. She could only work hard to prepare for the postgraduate examination by herself, and she fell off the list by a few points.

By the year she graduated, she had no education or employment. In the end, she reluctantly chose to delay her graduation and prepare to continue her postgraduate examination for World War II next year.

"A lot of people know what grades are used for, and I really didn't know at the time, so stupid." She described her college career as silly, foolishly believing in chicken soup that preached freedom and interest, and foolishly not playing by the real rules of the game in college from the beginning.

She was the first in her family to go to college, and no one ever told her how to go to college and what things mattered.

02

Differentiation was formed 10 years before entering university

It has to be said that from the perspective of secular utilitarianism, this model of Jingwei is more pleasant, it will appear very efficient, less detours, and there will be very little "mental internal friction" in the process of personal growth.

In a word, the key point of the "goal control model" is to set goals for yourself as early as possible, and then rationally organize action strategies.

So where does this strong sense of purpose and drive come from?

Obviously, this is not what university can teach children, this ability began to take root in children's hearts more than ten years ago, it comes from family origin and personal growth experience.

For example, Jingwei, his family is in Shanghai, and his parents are middle and senior executives in the company. The high school he graduated from is also one of the four famous schools in Shanghai, and the atmosphere is quite relaxed, and the school ends at three or four o'clock in the afternoon, and students have a lot of time to do what they like.

A background similar to Jingwei's upbringing is a common feature of most "target controllers" - they come from big eastern cities, come from well-to-do families, and attend high-quality middle schools.

And from these students' descriptions of home education, I also fished out a lot of key points worth "copying homework" -

When it comes to their children's reading, parents are unsparingly committed:

"I probably had about a dozen magazines a month, all kinds of tech magazines. It's almost 1,500 yuan a year, and my parents support me. ”

"I remember my dad giving me a set of gifts, which was the 'World Literature Masterpieces Series' of Yilin Publishing House, which consisted of about five boxes of books."

In some major decisions, parents do not directly help their children make decisions, but use their own abilities and insights to guide their children, providing enough information and resources to help them make informed decisions on their own.

"My parents don't just say you just go, they give advice that is similar to saying: If you pick A, what might it look like, basically 'What if... Maybe...' hypothetical, and then after telling you, you will choose for yourself. ”

"When choosing a major in college, my parents suggested that choosing a basic department with a wide caliber at the undergraduate stage is conducive to entering the subdivided field at the master's level for further study - basic disciplines can not only lay a good foundation for difficult scientific research, but also easily cross into a good employment of economics and management majors."

Of course, it must be said that these parents' own educational qualifications and work backgrounds are also good, and they can naturally have insight into how to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages in major educational decisions, and have enough strength and vision to escort them.

Growing up in this environment that encourages independent thinking and extensive involvement, children will realize early on that good grades are only a goal, and that independent thinking and interesting personalities are pluses.

Zheng Yajun used a very concrete metaphor for the thoughts, beliefs, emotions, values, beliefs, etc. formed under the influence of family education and growth experience, called the "cultural toolbox".

Why some children can make good use of the university's resources and platforms, and some children will be at a loss, in fact, the difference is that the former's "cultural toolbox" is full of "equipment", and the latter's "tools" are extremely scarce.

03

The key to reversing weakness is to grasp 3 points

So is a child from a disadvantaged family like Bingqian destined to become a "loser"?

Taking a few more detours and bumping into walls in the "maze" just means that the process will be a little more tortuous and take longer than others, but it doesn't mean that you can't reach the end.

Zitong from Yunnan, who has just entered the first year of university, also once belonged to the "intuitive dependence mode". Freshman carefully worked hard to fight for grades, but he was at a loss in his heart, and he didn't know the meaning of pursuing grades.

Zitong realized that with his particularly limited cognition, he could not find a way out by thinking blindly. When I began to consciously observe what the most thoughtful people in the class were doing, I found that they devoted a lot of time to social activities.

Zitong also imitated them, successively participated in many school sponsorship and public welfare activities, and won the opportunity to go to Taiwan as an exchange student.

In her sophomore year, Zitong followed a teacher to do a project, studying classical literature, this direction is actually quite boring, but under the teacher's uninterrupted edification, Zitong slowly figured out the meaning and fun of doing academic research:

"If we can read and pass on the things of our predecessors, and then we can come up with an enlightening insight on this basis, which can help people today understand their own situation, this is also very valuable, and it is what I want to do!"

After finally finding the value support point of life, Zitong described himself as "the whole person's painting style is different", full of spirit every day. "Consciously contacting with excellent classmates and teachers, communicating more, and colliding more really gave me a particularly weighty encouragement, especially after going out to see the world, I slowly began to think about some fundamental things and reflect on the limitations of thinking in the past."

Of course, you can't make a lot of money by doing research on ancient cultures, but excellence is not one-dimensional, and in the initial stage of life, it is more important to find your true meaning and sense of value, and work hard.

Finally, what makes me particularly moved is that the author Zheng Yajun spent a lot of time doing the original intention of this research report:

Now many people look at her, they will feel that "standard elite, so excellent", but the actual situation is that she is also a "small-town questioner" who entered Fudan from the remote west, ignorant to the fourth year, does not know where the way out is, and extended for a year. Later, I found my advantages in teamwork, interpersonal communication and academic work, and climbed up little by little.

Therefore, this article does not want to use big data to tell everyone again that "it is difficult to get out of the cold", while objectively discussing reality, Zheng Yajun hopes to inspire those children from disadvantaged families like her——

Temporary "backwardness" does not have much to do with it, grasp the three key points, and strive to fill your "cultural toolbox", the disadvantage may be reversed:

The first step is to realize that the difficulties you are experiencing are not caused by your own abilities or character defects. Differences caused by social structure are everywhere, and we have to accept them with a normal heart.

Second, actively create diverse networking opportunities to be exposed to new ideas and practices as widely as possible. In particular, communicate with people with different backgrounds, and don't always start from your own moral system and sneer at unaccustomed behaviors.

Finally, children from disadvantaged families should learn to appreciate their native culture and play to the unique advantages brought by their cultural identity and past experiences. The spirit of self-reliance, humble and simple outlook on life, and resilience of life in your ancestors are your unique treasures.

I think these 3 points are not only suitable for children who have not yet started in life, but also for every adult who is in deep trouble.

Finally, you are also welcome to talk about your college time and struggle experience in the comment area~ I believe that your story must be very exciting!